Brides Helping Brides ™ - A Q for people in psychology or therapy/counseling fields.

marymoon Posted: May 24, 2005 11:25 AM

A Q for people in psychology or therapy/counseling fields.

Now this is bizairre. Mny of you know my in laws are nuts. They relaly go out fo our way to make our lives miserable and we just don't know what to do. FH said he wanted to ask them to come to 'family therapy' with us (it would be the 4 of us, his parents and us). I think that's just off the wall. THEY need the therapy. 'Family therapy' should have been his paprents, him and his sister YEARS ago. Now that FH is not living at home and his sister is married and moved away, I didn't think people went to 'family therapy' with people they don't even live with. I think they could use some help for their mental problems, and short of that maybe FH and I should go to counseling to try to learn some coping skils, but I've never heard of grown children going to counseling with parents. HAs anyone ever heard of this before? Does anyone have an opinion on this. I'm almost willing to try anything, but I honestly don;'t even want to look them in the face, nor do I want to go somewhere to be verbally abused by them some more in front of a therapist, because I'm seriously never going to say what I want to say to them. They got to say what they wanted about me and I'm done with them, abut trust me, if they heard my REAL opinion about them, they'd hate me even more.

RedHead Posted: May 24, 2005 11:33 AM

Re: A Q for people in psychology or therapy/counseling fields.

IMO...i think that your FH is VERY SMART and i agree 100%

the FIL's may have issued but IMO it is BEST worked out together....I am sure you aren't faultless!

AND of course people go through family therapy even if they do not live in the same home...(did i read that comment right?)

marymoon Posted: May 24, 2005 11:37 AM

Re: A Q for people in psychology or therapy/counseling fields.

I've really never heard of grown children going to family therapy with their parents.

And trust me, his parents are nuts. We've done nothing to deserve this treatment.

I guess I'll look into it...I just don't even want to be in the same room with them, and I'm seriously afraid it'll only make things worse if I get to tell them what i *really* think of them

eogara Posted: May 24, 2005 11:39 AM

Re: A Q for people in psychology or therapy/counseling fields.

Posted by marymoon
I guess I'll look into it...I just don't even want to be in the same room with them, and I'm seriously afraid it'll only make things worse if I get to tell them what i *really* think of them

For this reason alone it would be smart to seek family counseling. As Redhead said, no one in situations like these is 100% blameless. I think it's an excellent idea.

june262004 Posted: May 24, 2005 11:40 AM

Re: A Q for people in psychology or therapy/counseling fields.

My SIL and BIL just went to 'family therapy' with her parents she is 34 has been married for 14 years and has 4 kids of her own.

SweetCin704 Posted: May 24, 2005 11:41 AM

Re: A Q for people in psychology or therapy/counseling fields.

Jen,

Personally I think it would be a good idea. You'll both be able to express yourselves & get the hostility out IN FRONT OF a professional. S/He will hopefully get to the bottom of things and let you hear e/o's side of the story in a safe venue.

It also sounds like your FH is really hurting. He's in the middle of it all.

Also if things are how you say, I'm sure the psychologist will suggest more sessions w/ just his parents.

Personally I think if they'll go, it'll only do you good.

mrswask Posted: May 24, 2005 11:41 AM

Re: A Q for people in psychology or therapy/counseling fields.

If your FH is serious about improving relations between the two of you and his parents, I think you owe it to him to try it. There are many miserable marriages because of bad relations with in-laws/parents. I know you don't think that you need his parents in your lives, but obviously, he does so I think you should respect his decision and go with an open mind.

lilmrs Posted: May 24, 2005 11:47 AM

Re: A Q for people in psychology or therapy/counseling fields.

Posted by SweetCin704

Personally I think it would be a good idea. You'll both be able to express yourselves & get the hostility out IN FRONT OF a professional. S/He will hopefully get to the bottom of things and let you hear e/o's side of the story in a safe venue.

It also sounds like your FH is really hurting. He's in the middle of it all.

I htink you should go for your FH.
Plus, you ALL need to work out this hostility as soon as possible? Are you guys planning on having children? If you are, then prepare for a million more problems with your inlaws! If you cant work on them now, just WAIT until children come into the picture.

marymoon Posted: May 24, 2005 11:50 AM

Re: A Q for people in psychology or therapy/counseling fields.

I guess it's not such a crazy idea. I think more time has to pass though. I seriously hate these people for what they've done to us and how they hurt my mother (who is 100% innocent, did nothing and did not deserve to be involved). I just have such a bad feeling about it. I feel like it's going to make it worse and I really don't want to hear any more of their verbal abuse even if it's in the name of 'therapy'

RedHead Posted: May 24, 2005 11:51 AM

Re: A Q for people in psychology or therapy/counseling fields.

Posted by lilmrs

Posted by SweetCin704

Personally I think it would be a good idea. You'll both be able to express yourselves & get the hostility out IN FRONT OF a professional. S/He will hopefully get to the bottom of things and let you hear e/o's side of the story in a safe venue.

It also sounds like your FH is really hurting. He's in the middle of it all.

I htink you should go for your FH.
Plus, you ALL need to work out this hostility as soon as possible? Are you guys planning on having children? If you are, then prepare for a million more problems with your inlaws! If you cant work on them now, just WAIT until children come into the picture.

couldn't agree more!

ETA...if you think it is bad now..YOU have a lifetime of anger ahead,,,better nip it in the bud now!

RedHead Posted: May 24, 2005 11:52 AM

Re: A Q for people in psychology or therapy/counseling fields.

Posted by marymoon

I guess it's not such a crazy idea. I think more time has to pass though. I seriously hate these people for what they've done to us and how they hurt my mother (who is 100% innocent, did nothing and did not deserve to be involved). I just have such a bad feeling about it. I feel like it's going to make it worse and I really don't want to hear any more of their verbal abuse even if it's in the name of 'therapy'

well you are VERY resentful Jenn...and i think for that fact ALONE you should be involved in this process..
KUDOD to your FH!

marymoon Posted: May 24, 2005 11:53 AM

Re: A Q for people in psychology or therapy/counseling fields.

I was sincerely hoping they'd drop dead by then..or at least move to florida. they keep mentioning moving. that would be fab. They'd be in florida, we'd see the once a year for a few days and then we get to go t Disney to get over the traumatic experience

RedHead Posted: May 24, 2005 11:54 AM

Re: A Q for people in psychology or therapy/counseling fields.

Posted by marymoon

I was sincerely hoping they'd drop dead by then..or at least move to florida. they keep mentioning moving. that would be fab. They'd be in florida, we'd see the once a year for a few days and then we get to go t Disney to get over the traumatic experience

but jenn...having them move isn't the answer....

Your FILs are apparently VERY important to you FH.... So them moving isn't really the answer here

marymoon Posted: May 24, 2005 11:55 AM

Re: A Q for people in psychology or therapy/counseling fields.

ANYONE would be resentful if they had to go through this. Trust me. This isn't like run of the mill annoying MIL stuff, this is they are sick, twisted, hateful people.

Keep in mind FH is just talking. I don't know if anything will come of it, and I really doubt his family wou;d even show up.

Does anyone know where to find a reputable counselor, and how much it would cost?

so confused

marymoon Posted: May 24, 2005 11:56 AM

Re: A Q for people in psychology or therapy/counseling fields.

Posted by RedHead

Posted by marymoon

I was sincerely hoping they'd drop dead by then..or at least move to florida. they keep mentioning moving. that would be fab. They'd be in florida, we'd see the once a year for a few days and then we get to go t Disney to get over the traumatic experience

but jenn...having them move isn't the answer....

Your FILs are apparently VERY important to you FH.... So them moving isn't really the answer here

I know! I Know! But it sounds good, doesn't it?

ETA: FH is also really hoping they move so they can leave us alone. He's sick and tired of them too. It's not like he's lovey dovey and I just don't like them. They've done their best to alienate disrespect and hurt both of us.

RedHead Posted: May 24, 2005 11:57 AM

Re: A Q for people in psychology or therapy/counseling fields.

Posted by marymoon

Posted by RedHead

Posted by marymoon

I was sincerely hoping they'd drop dead by then..or at least move to florida. they keep mentioning moving. that would be fab. They'd be in florida, we'd see the once a year for a few days and then we get to go t Disney to get over the traumatic experience

but jenn...having them move isn't the answer....

Your FILs are apparently VERY important to you FH.... So them moving isn't really the answer here

I know! I Know! But it sounds good, doesn't it?

june262004 Posted: May 24, 2005 11:59 AM

Re: A Q for people in psychology or therapy/counseling fields.

Posted by marymoon

Posted by RedHead

Posted by marymoon

I was sincerely hoping they'd drop dead by then..or at least move to florida. they keep mentioning moving. that would be fab. They'd be in florida, we'd see the once a year for a few days and then we get to go t Disney to get over the traumatic experience

but jenn...having them move isn't the answer....

Your FILs are apparently VERY important to you FH.... So them moving isn't really the answer here

I know! I Know! But it sounds good, doesn't it?

ETA: FH is also really hoping they move so they can leave us alone. He's sick and tired of them too. It's not like he's lovey dovey and I just don't like them. They've done their best to alienate disrespect and hurt both of us.

No it doesn't. My IL live in Florida. TRUST me its not the answer!!!!!!!!!!!!! And if you think it is then you really need the therapy sorry.

marymoon Posted: May 24, 2005 12:03 PM

Re: A Q for people in psychology or therapy/counseling fields.

Posted by june262004

Posted by marymoon

Posted by RedHead

Posted by marymoon

I was sincerely hoping they'd drop dead by then..or at least move to florida. they keep mentioning moving. that would be fab. They'd be in florida, we'd see the once a year for a few days and then we get to go t Disney to get over the traumatic experience

but jenn...having them move isn't the answer....

Your FILs are apparently VERY important to you FH.... So them moving isn't really the answer here

I know! I Know! But it sounds good, doesn't it?

ETA: FH is also really hoping they move so they can leave us alone. He's sick and tired of them too. It's not like he's lovey dovey and I just don't like them. They've done their best to alienate disrespect and hurt both of us.

No it doesn't. My IL live in Florida. TRUST me its not the answer!!!!!!!!!!!!! And if you think it is then you really need the therapy sorry.

I know it's not REALLY an answer. But when you don't like people, you'd rather have them far away than close by!

Jan05Bride Posted: May 24, 2005 12:04 PM

Re: A Q for people in psychology or therapy/counseling fields.

Posted by marymoon

Posted by RedHead

Posted by marymoon

I was sincerely hoping they'd drop dead by then..or at least move to florida. they keep mentioning moving. that would be fab. They'd be in florida, we'd see the once a year for a few days and then we get to go t Disney to get over the traumatic experience

but jenn...having them move isn't the answer....

Your FILs are apparently VERY important to you FH.... So them moving isn't really the answer here

I know! I Know! But it sounds good, doesn't it?

No it doesn't sound good. That is your FH's parents. He came from them and he obviously loves them. That alone should make you want to diffuse the situation and find a way to make your relationship work.

june262004 Posted: May 24, 2005 12:06 PM

Re: A Q for people in psychology or therapy/counseling fields.

Posted by marymoon

Posted by june262004

Posted by marymoon

Posted by RedHead

Posted by marymoon

I was sincerely hoping they'd drop dead by then..or at least move to florida. they keep mentioning moving. that would be fab. They'd be in florida, we'd see the once a year for a few days and then we get to go t Disney to get over the traumatic experience

but jenn...having them move isn't the answer....

Your FILs are apparently VERY important to you FH.... So them moving isn't really the answer here

I know! I Know! But it sounds good, doesn't it?

ETA: FH is also really hoping they move so they can leave us alone. He's sick and tired of them too. It's not like he's lovey dovey and I just don't like them. They've done their best to alienate disrespect and hurt both of us.

No it doesn't. My IL live in Florida. TRUST me its not the answer!!!!!!!!!!!!! And if you think it is then you really need the therapy sorry.

I know it's not REALLY an answer. But when you don't like people, you'd rather have them far away than close by!

Actually NO. No matter how you feel about them they are still your FH parents He came from them. My DH WHOLE family lives there as much as he dislikes his parents they are still his parents and he wishes they were around. Trust me Im in that situation.