We ideally want a small wedding and have only invited 120 people - hoping for 100 guests. And to keep that number down, we would prefer not to invite children outside the immediate family.
My family is Asian and don't understand the concept of a wedding where kids aren't invited. I'm trying to be accomodating and allow for kids of immediate family only. But so far family has been giving me grief about it because we have so many uncles and cousins who will be disappointed.
I'm about to call off the wedding and just invite my FH and our friends. Has anyone gone through this? Argh! What to do????
curliegirl
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Re: About To Call Off Wedding
People are going to get upset about everything you do no matter what. You can't please everyone, and remember (I learned the hard way) that it is your day, do it the way YOU want!
wematched
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Re: About To Call Off Wedding
Would hiring a babysitter (or a few) help in any way? Maybe then you could say you want the adults to be there and be able to have fun and then the kids could all hang out together somewhere else. That's my best suggestion.
waterspout4
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People will have a problem with whatever you do. My FH has an aunt and uncle that are mad we invited their kids. They said they wanted to come alone. Somehow, it's our fault.
DanaMZ
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Yes - I have 9 first cousins ranging from 15 years to 15 mths old, who we were going to invite, but now some other cousins want to bring their young kids. Where do you draw the line?
I would not call off the wedding for it, but I would put my foot down and leave it at imediate fam if that's what you want. JMO
SillyBeans
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haha, I feel your pain! My FH is asian, and when I told him I don't want kids at the wedding he wouldn't hear of it!! He said he won't even dare mention that to his parents because they will be really upset. I'm like, you pay for them then
It's not worth calling of the wedding for. I have to invite these kids, and I'm not happy about it.
jnrrb
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kids oh man. good luck. I know I am going to be going through this too. not looking foward to it
marymoon
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I don;t really know what to say but
eden
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Thanks for all the responses, the idea of having babysitting sounds great. I was thinking of that myself, although the concern is that asian families don't tend to trust babysitting of their kids to nonfamily members.
I know this doesnt reflect well on them, *sigh* I'm seriously thinking about having a destination wedding so won't have to deal with all this social etiquette.
BTW, I'm thinking of cancelling my wedding at the reception hall 'cus I won't meet the minimum w/o my family members. :(
Are there any asian brides here who have other solutions for this?
nygirl77
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That's a tough one. Not that many of my guests have small children, so fortunately I don't have that problem. Like other ladies have said, not everyone will ever be happy with your decision no matter what. Do what is best for you. Don't call off your wedding because of it though.
agentangel
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Re: About To Call Off Wedding
Posted by eden
Thanks for all the responses, the idea of having babysitting sounds great. I was thinking of that myself, although the concern is that asian families don't tend to trust babysitting of their kids to nonfamily members.
I know this doesnt reflect well on them, *sigh* I'm seriously thinking about having a destination wedding so won't have to deal with all this social etiquette.
BTW, I'm thinking of cancelling my wedding at the reception hall 'cus I won't meet the minimum w/o my family members. :(
Are there any asian brides here who have other solutions for this?
who is paying for your wedding? we paid for most of it so we had final say but put a strict no kids policy, even if they were in their teens or early 20s already. can you meet the minimum without the kids? if you can't then you may want to save yourself the argument and just find a smaller venue or go the destination wedding route...
lovetolove
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Re: About To Call Off Wedding
I dont understand. if you are already inviting kids, be that of close family members, why not just let them bring their kids.
I love kids, FH and I want to have them as soon was possible. I always thought that weddings are a celebration, not just for the bride and groom, but for their families, and families are not existent without children.
JMO, but I really do not understand where this whole, no kids allowed thing came from for weddings, IMO I think people forget why the tradition of marriage was started, to procreate, why would you not have kids at an event that was started to have them.
okay I'll get off the sopa box, If its a money thing(halls started this I think b/c they charged alot for kids), if money is not an issue then invite them, some of the best memories we have from my sisters wedding is that of all the kids dancing and laughing, they really add an element of fun and family.
I think you will upset way too many people, just hire asian babysitters and have a good time with the people you love, worry about more important things...
eden
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Re: About To Call Off Wedding
We are paying for the wedding ourselves and we also love kids.
The whole issue is the reception hall room (Westbury Manor's Garden Room) really only fits about 120 comfortably with a DJ set up.
We only want 100 guests (inviting 120) and there will be about 10 children and 10 vendors combined. That already adds up to 120.
Our main concern is the asian uncles and cousins will bring kids - they each have 2 or 3 each and most of whom are now 10-18 years old. They will be considered adults according to WM. And when you invite asian families, they WILL come - with children.
I have room for the parents but not for the adults. And I can't just invite one set of parents and not others 'cus they are are related and word will get around.
I think my only option right now is have a wedding FAR away so this will all be a moot point. :(
nicolehojo
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Get a hotel room near by, and put food, make sure theres a tv, and there go the kids.
Greeneyes8705
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lipglossjunky73
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Since there may be a trust factor here, how about this... a way to have a family member watch the kiddies...
do you have a teenage cousin that you werent planning on inviting anyway, because she's a kid, who maybe you can invite to babysit the kids? Don't phrase it that way to her, but maybe you can give her some incentive - we trust you, and we want you at the wedding, and how about this - we'll even pay you to be there so you can watch all the cute little kids....
Would that work???
Mayflower
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Re: About To Call Off Wedding
FH and i are both chinese and i've encountered the same problem with our families. For our eparty, our invites stated it was an 'Adult Affair Only' and my mother called up each of my cousins with children to explain to them that this is an adult occasion and kids are not invited. She did offer them the option of having a separate room at the hall for the kids to be during the entire time with a babysitter, but everyone declined. They ones that attended had found arrangements for the kids (i believe my cousins had their inlaws watch them). While two of my cousins' spouses did not show up becaue they stayed home to watch their kids.
We're doing a full chinese banquet for our wedding so all children will be invited this time around, but that was a decision FH and I agreed on since we did want everyone there.
HTH!
ewickens
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Re: About To Call Off Wedding
Posted by eden
I'm at my wits end right now.
We ideally want a small wedding and have only invited 120 people - hoping for 100 guests. And to keep that number down, we would prefer not to invite children outside the immediate family.
My family is Asian and don't understand the concept of a wedding where kids aren't invited. I'm trying to be accomodating and allow for kids of immediate family only. But so far family has been giving me grief about it because we have so many uncles and cousins who will be disappointed.
I'm about to call off the wedding and just invite my FH and our friends. Has anyone gone through this? Argh! What to do????
We were in this same boat a few months ago, so to calm my family, FH and I said to bring the children to the Church to be part of the family photos, but that the reception would be adults only. This way, we all got something we wanted.
SunBride07
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Re: About To Call Off Wedding
I think you may run into problems inviting'some' kids and not others. We are having the same issue now. I think we are going to have a strict rule - no kids (period). So no one can get upset when they seem someone else's kid there.
leese
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Re: About To Call Off Wedding
I'm not having any children at my wedding. I love kids, they are extrememly cute, but the youngest person will be 19.
I don't think it's bad to want to have an all adult, formal affair. My advice is just be strong on what you want. That's it.
