We ideally want a small wedding and have only invited 120 people - hoping for 100 guests. And to keep that number down, we would prefer not to invite children outside the immediate family.
My family is Asian and don't understand the concept of a wedding where kids aren't invited. I'm trying to be accomodating and allow for kids of immediate family only. But so far family has been giving me grief about it because we have so many uncles and cousins who will be disappointed.
I'm about to call off the wedding and just invite my FH and our friends. Has anyone gone through this? Argh! What to do????
eden
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Re: About To Call Off Wedding
Thanks for all the answers ladies, I was just about to detach myself from the family yesterday, I was THAT upset.
They've been here 25+ years and are still keeping the old tradition and even though I said no kids outside immediate family are insisting that I practice double standard (FH's family side won't be allowed nonimmediate family kids, but mine will). :P
All your answers are great, I think I'll just hire someone to come and entertain the little *brats.* Yeah i said brats 'cus although I love the buggers they are still unruly alot of times.
Maybe clowns, balloon makers or face painters? Ideas?
JessicaM.
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I am going through the same thing. don't you dare call of your wedding....if you aunts and uncles can't get a grip and leave their kids with a baby sitter...wait for their NO to come, and then invite more friends. don't punish yourself for their selfishness.
sorry if I sound harsh, but this is a freshly fought battle for me!
Soon2BMrsA
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I know what you're going thru, I had a huge wedding because traditionally we have to invite everyone and their mothers plus all the kids from the immediate families! I had about 750 at my wedding, that was after talking my father down!!!
Anyway since they paid for all of it and there was no way the could exclude certain people, I dealt with it, but we didnt invite ANY kids other than immediate family.
If you explain to your parents that 120 or whatever would be too tight in your room, would they still insist on the kids being invited? If you keep stressing that crowding your room will not help your reception, maybe they'll understand?
ETA : I wouldnt call off the wedding, Id just keep working on your parents, and come to some type of compromise.
Naunie
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Aww, I'm sorry!
Tell everyone that you would love to invite every child on earth, but you really need to keep costs down. You can't please everyone, and it's your day. If they love you, and want that badly to celebrate with you, then they won't stay mad forever!
kaklesmay
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An easy fix to this- have a late evening wedding.
My ceremony doesnt even start until 7:30 pm. It ends at 1am. Whoever would bring children to an event that late is insane!!!
That should take care of a lot of kids.
Bridex100
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Don't call off the wedding just because of children!!! That is silly.
It is your wedding but I can understand your family wanting to bring their children.
I'm the opposite of you: I have no children in my life. I don't even have a flowergirl. =(
Laura&Phil
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I know you are now looking at child watching options but I thought I'd add that close friends of mine (the guy is filipino and the girl is half Vietnamise and half Chinese- I don't know if I spelled their nationalities correctly!) just had their parents there- they called them about 3-4 weeks before and told them to fly to their home in Seatle- I think they had 2 local friends and that's it. They are very glad that they did it this way and the family got over it (they always do - I could keep going on about traditonal families and things the kids did)
I wanted a destination wedding Fh only decided I was right 2 month before our wedding! IT was too late by then. Good luck either way, maybe you could ask your parents to chip in a little since they want teh kids there?
Bridex100
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Small children are free and other kids eat usually for half price or $50. I don't think it would add to your costs much.
Why are you so opposed to having kids? You can just have a kids table.
I don't really like kids on a normal basis. I don't know why I am taking their side.
akaMrsT
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We are only having kids if they are immediate family (my 7 nieces & nephews - age 10 - 18) are invited and FH's 12 nieces and nephews (age 10 - 28) are invited. Some have significant others that we have invited too. I know that only 3 - 5 of the 7 are making it from my side.
We may have one infant since his nephew and wife (out of town couple) have a small daughter that they would have to bring since everyone else in the family would be at the wedding so there would be no one they trust to watch the baby.
Do not call off the wedding over the issue of inviting kids.
akaMrsT
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Posted by eden
I think my only option right now is have a wedding FAR away so this will all be a moot point. :(
You would be surprised at how far people will travel for a wedding. I have people coming from Virgnia, South Carolina, North Carolina, Texas & Georgia to NY.
ML110
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i can defniitely undestand where you'er coming from... it wasn't an issue for us b/c there were only about 6 'kids' combined, so we just invited them and avoided hassle with the families... BUT, my best friend had about 30 ( yup-30!!! ) kids at her wedding, and i can honestly say it totally ruined the reception. now, i work with kids at a school and i love them, but my friends reception was just nuts- the kids were all running around the dance floor in cicles the whole time, so the older people who wanted to dance couldn't.... they were spilling stuff all over the dance floor... it was like a 5 year olds birthday party. just too many kids. could you maybe change the reception to be at a hotel? when i was in college, i babysat at a wedding that was at a hotel. they had a suite in the hotel set up for the kids with food, a TV/DVD, games.... and i just hung out there and the kids came and went from the reception that was in the hotel ballroom downstairs.... that way,the parents knew the kids were right upstairs if they were worried about them.... just another idea... or, ask your parents to chip in the extra cash if they insist on kids being invited....
ML110
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Posted by akaMrsT
Posted by eden
I think my only option right now is have a wedding FAR away so this will all be a moot point. :(
You would be surprised at how far people will travel for a wedding. I have people coming from Virgnia, South Carolina, North Carolina, Texas & Georgia to NY.
WOW! can't wait to hear about their reactions to an LI wedding... things are done TOTALLY different down in the south....
akaMrsT
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Posted by ML110
Posted by akaMrsT
Posted by eden
I think my only option right now is have a wedding FAR away so this will all be a moot point. :(
You would be surprised at how far people will travel for a wedding. I have people coming from Virgnia, South Carolina, North Carolina, Texas & Georgia to NY.
WOW! can't wait to hear about their reactions to an LI wedding... things are done TOTALLY different down in the south....
I can almost hear the comments now about our Long Island wedding from my family from the South.
My uncle who recently had his wedding and reception in GA was in total shock when I told him it would be open bar FH (a die hard NY'er) insisted that we have a full bar. No cash bar and no wine/champagne/beer only bar - which would have saved us a decent amount of $.
Apparently a cash bar at a wedding is a big no-no in NY.
ML110
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yup! i went to a wedding down in SC, and i was really surprised at how different it was... this one was at a southen baptist church, and the reception was just in the church hall ( a beautiful room, though!). there was no dancing, no real music at all, obviously no alcohol since it was at the church, only like 2 tables, and basically just finger foods- we all had to go home and order pizza! i was just surprised at how people left after like an hour....
knotted
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I'm Asian too.. although we had to invite everyone and their kids, we had it at a minimal because we only invited immediate and close friends and fmaily, so that kept our gl down. We still had 200 guests at our wedding though.
I think most people know that if you address an invite to Mr. and Mrs. only, without 'family', they should know not to bring kids. Just tell them it's a small wedding, and not one of those big bang chinese banquets where you would invite everyone and their kids.
I think those who aren't allowed to bring kids SHOULD understand that the courtesy is extended to only immediate/close family. If they aren't that close to you, they should not have a problem with it. Plus, with Asian families, less people means less money out of their pocket.
HTH... and good luck!
JambaLady
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Hi,
I'm Chinese and not that I agree with your in-laws, but I just wanted to give you some background on culture which I'm sure you've heard already.
In Chinese tradition, wedding invitations are usually given to the head of each household, and the head of the househould then responds for the whole family. People do not get individual invitations, even if they are adults and don't live at home anymore.
Chinese wedding banquets are usually paid per table, not person, so regardless of whether you have 8 or 12 people at the table, you pay the same amount.
Also, you are not bound to a final number a week or two before the wedding. You pay a deposit and then pay the remainder day of, so if more people show up, it is easy to accomodate.
Also, weddings are seen as a community affair, so it is inappropriate not to invite anymore.
These are some of the reasons Asians have such a hard time with limiting the number of people they can invite, even if it's kids.
That being said, I had to sit my mother down, explain to her that we weren't in China anymore and that we were paying for the wedding ourselves and just couldn't afford it. And that if there were people she really wanted there, she was more than welcome to invite them so long as she paid. That pretty much put a stop to it.
So, I think you should stick firm in your decision, but firmly explain the financial consequences and traditions involved. They may just not understand what your tradition is.
atl107
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We went through the same thing about not wanting as many young children at the reception, but have not decided that they are welcomed. We actually considered hiring a few sitters for the kids, but didn't think our relatives (who are Asian) would go for it. They probably wouldn't have fun leaving their kids with strangers so we are now going to have about 26 kids under 8 at our wedding. Since our wedding is in Oct, our parents have been great about leaving hints that it will be hard for the kids to have fun at the wedding, i.e., loud music and no kids menu.
OctoberPrincess2006
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Posted by jnrrb
kids oh man. good luck. I know I am going to be going through this too. not looking foward to it
same here.
Mooshyboo
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I am sorry to hear you are going through this...I am sure I am going to go through something verrrry similar ~ we are having 'some' kids (immediate family) but not 'all' kids are being invited! good luck don't call off the wedding just breathe deaply and remember it is 'your' day and you will not make everyone happy ~ there is a point you will have to say 'no'...
good luck!
soontobemrsc
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We invited only the children that were in the wedding party (flower girls and ring boy). I know that a wedding is a big deal for the entire family but as far as I'm concerned, unless they are footing the bill, your family can't tell you what to do. Our invitation clearly stated 'adult reception' and we let our FG and RB parents know that their kids were invited to the reception. We had a few people upset but trust me, when they get out there on the dance floor and they're doing shots at the bar and not worried about where their kid is, they get over it REALLY QUICKLY.
