Adoption thread got me thinking- embarassed to post this but oh well...
nrvbrd
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Adoption thread got me thinking- embarassed to post this but oh well...
I am deathly afraid of giving birth. I am the biggest wimp when it comes to pain. Because of this a part of me does not want to have kids.
I have always thought I would like to adopt, I think it is a beautiful thing. You see so many needy kids without homes.
Am I really selfish? A part of me thinks that it could be partly psychological?
My husband knows this about me, and he thinks I am nuts,but sometimes I worry about myself.
KathleenG
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Re: Adoption thread got me thinking- embarassed to post this but oh well...
Don't be embarassed, I am terrified as well! I don't think it is selfish and it is a fear that many women face! I am also trying my best to deal!
Latina511
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Re: Adoption thread got me thinking- embarassed to post this but oh well...
I am very very afraid of pain and I am a complete wimp. The way I think about it is that women have babies everyday and if they can do that means I can to.
kelly6273
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Re: Adoption thread got me thinking- embarassed to post this but oh well...
You have no reason to be embarrassed! I think a lot of women go through this.
You ask if you are selfish. After reading about your interest in adopting, I think you are the TOTAL opposite of selfish...I think it's wonderful!!!
You have to do what's right for you...HUGS to you and best of luck in your decisions!!!
btrflygrl
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Re: Adoption thread got me thinking- embarassed to post this but oh well...
If anything, I'm more afraid of not being able to conceive....
**edited to say..when that time comes
goldilocks
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Re: Adoption thread got me thinking- embarassed to post this but oh well...
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! I'm SO freaked out about the process. Not so much being pregnant, but hte birthing part.....
So many women go through it (over and over and over....) so I try to think that it can't be that bad, but I have issues too!
There's nothing selfish about it. Especially if you want to give another child a loving home by adopting.
My FH knows but we both want to have one that is made from both of us. As scared as I am, I know I will do it. I used to think about being a foster parent too, instead of adopting.
I do think it's psychological, for me it is. But that's another post!!!
Did you and your husband come to any agreement before you got married? FH's bro-in-law divorced his first wife b/c she wouldn't have kids and he really wanted them. I think the sooner you two figure out what you both can agree on, the better.
(edit for spelling)
julybride444
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Re: Adoption thread got me thinking- embarassed to post this but oh well...
I'm terrified. And, it's stupid, but I'm terrified of losing the baby too. It sounds stupid, and awful, but sometimes I think that if I adopt at least I know the baby came out alive...
tracyg
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Re: Adoption thread got me thinking- embarassed to post this but oh well...
so am i... but theres more to it than pain. and i hate to say this... but i don't like pregnant bellies. They gross me out... i've never touched one! and afterwards its gross that its still there and mushy, and stuff still makes its way out... ICK!!!! I'm going to gross myself out when the time comes.
nrvbrd
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Re: Adoption thread got me thinking- embarassed to post this but oh well...
I have told Dh this. I am not saying that I will not try to have children naturally, but the whole birthing process really scares me, really.
I am the tyoe of woman who cannot even get through a GYN exam. For goodness sake I do not even use tampons- sorry TMI.
goldilocks
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Re: Adoption thread got me thinking- embarassed to post this but oh well...
the tampon thing made me laugh!!!
But really, I have serious anxiety about it too. I have several years to think about it and hopefully relax since I told FH I wasn't having a baby until our 2nd year of marriage.
Are you guys on a time frame? If not, maybe you could talk to someone (therapist). Is your gyno male or female b/c maybe you can talk to them and get a referral?
OctBride05
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Re: Adoption thread got me thinking- embarassed to post this but oh well...
you are not alone. i feel the same way. i also thought of not having kids, but once i saw my sister, who is a MUCH bigger wimp than me have 2 of them, i know i can do it. i told fh i hope i have twins that way i dont have to go through it twice.
Re: Adoption thread got me thinking- embarassed to post this but oh well...
I felt the same way for a long time...but as I got older and started to want to have children (maybe bio clock ticking?) I am not as scared as much...
give it a little time...although I think adoption is a wonderful thing!!
jvs77
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Re: Adoption thread got me thinking- embarassed to post this but oh well...
Me too!!! I am a big baby with pain, and have literally gotten sick at the site of blood. Child birth freaks me out big time. Recently, I have found myself thinking, 'wow, I would like to have kids,' and 'I'd be a good Mom,' and then the fear of childbirth sets in again! I'm guessing that when my biological clock ticks loud enough, I will just have to put my fears aside (and get nice and drugged up when I'm in labor!). We're not planning on having kids for at least a few years, so, I don't worry about it too much yet. We've talked about having one child naturally and adopting a second child.
Anyway, now that I've shared my story, I'll re-iterate - you are not alone in your fears!
june262004
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Re: Adoption thread got me thinking- embarassed to post this but oh well...
Im scared that I will not be able to have babies. Health reason (FH). Even if I have children of my own I would still think id like to adopt or be a foster mother I dont know why!!
nrvbrd
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Re: Adoption thread got me thinking- embarassed to post this but oh well...
Listening to you guys made feel better.
maybe it is something that I will learn to deal with.
My gyno is a male and he is wonderful- it is not him that freaks me out, but the actual invasive procedure of a gyno exam.
Maribelle7777
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Re: Adoption thread got me thinking- embarassed to post this but oh well...
I also have serious issues over the whole birthing process. And if it came to a point where I was too scared to get pregnant I would definitely want to adopt.
However, I think that the pain probably doens't last *that* long - and from what I hear epidurals are very good for pain...and the end result totally makes up for the pain
However I think I might have to have my baby (when I do have one) by C-section because of the Crohn's. My doctor said possibly but not sure, has to see how I do during the pregnancy.
ps: I don't like the gyno exam either, who does? I said to my gyno (also male) once - how come we get nitrous oxide for dental visits when needed but not for you guys? He just laughed. I'm serious though - if I can have it for when I get my teeth drilled then why not at the gyno? Would totally make that experience soooo much better.
Claud2001
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Re: Adoption thread got me thinking- embarassed to post this but oh well...
Pain during the birthing process is natural - BUT, there are many different ways women can cope with all that is happening to their bodies. It is a known fact that fear is the #1 cause of pain during labor and childbirth - many women make their labor pains worse by tensing up their bodies from fear of not knowing what is happening to them.
Education is really a critical part of learning to cope with the labor/delivery process. You can also research different labor techniques or practices for alleviating your discomfort during labor (ex. Lamaze, Bradley, water-birthing, hypno-birthing, etc.)
nycchic_24
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Re: Adoption thread got me thinking- embarassed to post this but oh well...
OMG! I was so happy to see this post to be honest. I am so afriad of pain its unreal!!!!!!! I dont even go to any doctor (my close friends on here know this about me ) because I am afraid of any procedure they may do, if they will order a blood test or that I need a shot. I am like a little baby when it comes to pain. Its amazing!
I was embarrassed to admit that that is the one thing that holds me off on ttc, I dread all the doctor appoinments and the blood work (I faint every time I get a blood test), I am afraid if the morning sickness and everything that comes along with it. And the birth??? JESUS! Forget about it..I cant even imagine. My mom always tells me that once you know you are going through it for your baby growing inside you its much different, that I will be able to handle a lot more but I am not too sure about that. I, thinking I was the only one, has even mentioned adoption to Anthony because of this. I always though I was selfish for feeling this way and I am trying to think differently but I am so petrified!
I have always wanted more than nothing else in this world to be pregnant and to be a mommy but the pain of it...holds me back big time! My coworker actually just told me about a support group at a hospital for women who are afriad of getting pregnant for these exact reasons. I told her to bring me more information. Maybe I will think about checking it out because I dont want this fear to stop me from getting what I have always dreamed about.
jbella13
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Re: Adoption thread got me thinking- embarassed to post this but oh well...
GIving birth is a very scary thing to happen to you. Some people just don't want to give birth, but want to have kids. There are so many children of all ages that need families. If adoption is want you want to do, I say go for it. YOu can help a child have the family that they really need.
spel
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Re: Adoption thread got me thinking- embarassed to post this but oh well...
holy cow! i don't believe this! i am the same way, very embarassed about it, & i always thought i was crazy!! i get a great deal of anxiety about a few things (medical procedures being one of them). i've never talked to a therapist about any of it. i'm avoiding it.
every once in awhile, when the boards are slow, i go to the parenting board & peek around. i have been shocked & scared about the things i have read! i know, i know, i'm a big wimp. but the various tests that pregnant women go through, and the different things they have to do, and then birth! i feel like my entire pregnancy will be filled with anxiety attacks. i have had a few at the gyno before during procedures.
