advice needed.

If you don't know the story about the garter toss at my wedding. Stephen's brother and his partner caught the bouquet and garter. It was really funny and cute. All the guys went up for the garter but didn't try to catch it so BIL's boyfriend could catch it. It was ABSOLUTELY hysterical! And sweet. PIero put the garter up (very high up ) BIL's leg.

That night the DJ asked me to do a boquet retoss after I ACCIDENTLY lauched the boquet too far and it landed on BIL's feet. Well I said 'no, I don't care, it's funny' Dj says (in a snotty tone) 'whatever, it's your wedding' and he stormed away

I saw that he was really uncomfortable with it... but who cares, we weren't and neither were our guests.

Well yesterday I found out that his comments continuned. My dad said that he just kept telling people that he 'couldn't believe this was happening' and 'we should do a retoss'. among other remarks. Well then I found out that he was NASTY to BIL and said that 'he can't believe he was a part of this...etc.' So BIL goes 'Stephen (groom) is my brother, this is my boyfriend, it's 2005, get over it'.

I don't know whether or not to call him or write him, or just drop it. I don't know the exact wording of what was said to BIL (everyone was very drunk) So I don't know what to say to the DJ if I call. I just know that he was nasty and made comments eluding to anti-gay feelings. I am really pissed. I feel like I didn't pay him so much money to make biggoted remarks to my family. But I am really bad at sticking up for myself. AND I don't know the exact wording of what was said... things tend to get exaggerated when something happens in the past and people were really drunk

Do you think I should just let it go?

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Posted by DAVALJO2

I think you should let it go. Everyone has a right to voice their opinion, although he should have kept his to himself, because he was there to do a job. You probably won't have to see this guy again so just let it go.

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Everyone has a right but when you getting paid to entertain at someones wedding, you should keep your homophobic remarks to your self. You shouldn't make it a point to tell everyone around you (guests and family) that you are uncomfortable with this and don't want to be a part of it.. AND you should never go up to the guest who is homosexual and say nasty things to him.

I want to let it go just to avoid drama.. however I just feel he should know how inappropriate he was... HE DID AN AMAZING job at our wedding. I would have recommended him in heart beat (he operated by recommendation ONLY- no advertising) but now I have reservations about recommending him.

The whole thing makes me really sad.

you're not paying him for his snotty remarks..you're paying him to play music an entertain...not to boast his opinion to YOUR guest adn put down YOUR family
yes i would say something ( i would make FH do it though cause i get scared with confrontation)

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Posted by SFP0214

Everyone has a right but when you getting paid to entertain at someones wedding, you should keep your homophobic remarks to your self. You shouldn't make it a point to tell everyone around you (guests and family) that you are uncomfortable with this and don't want to be a part of it.. AND you should never go up to the guest who is homosexual and say nasty things to him.

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It sounds like you already have your answer as far as what you 'feel' you need to do.

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Posted by tanielle5k

Regardless of his personal beliefs he should have remained professional as a vendor that you hired. Based on what you described his actions/comments were inappropriate. I think you should let the DJ know, whether in writing or by a phone call. Hopefully you will at least get an apology.

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I agree... I am sorry you and your family experienced this..... It sounds like you were really hurt, so I agree in letting him know by phone call or letter...

Good luck!!!

I agree... I think a letter would be the correct venue because often during a phone conversation people can cut you off and not let you get out what you want to say. In a letter you will be able to compose your thoughts in a rational way.

I don't think I could let it go. I don't think that people have the right to 'give their opinions' regarding others when you are paying them big money!


Good luck!

IMO, I think you should let it go.

but I don't blame you for being mad. I would be too!

who the hell is he to pass judgement? unfortunately, a lot of people in this world are ignorant.

I would ask your BIL what the DJ said, just so you are clear on what happened. Then I would write a long, angry letter to the owner of the company detailing the inappropriate comments, how disappointed you are, how absolutely unprofessional the comments were and how you never recommend anyone to his company again. I would also speak to your guests and find out what else he said.

He is certainly entitled to his opinion, but weddings for him, a professional environment. He is no more entitled to express his homophobia at a wedding than he is at a corporate office.

Well I know how I am and I can't let things go. Are you kidding me? I taake it and I run with it, so I would definitle have to say ssomehting. IT would be closure for me so OI could rest. But then again, that me and I am crazy like that. Just ask FH!!!

True even though it is 2005 people still have their own opinions and they will always have their own opinions!!!!

However, this man was NOT a guest at your wedding, he is not a friend or a family memeber. He was strictly a vendor providng sevice!!!
He was there only on a professional level.

Therefore SHUT THE F*CK up, keep your opinions to yourself and play the music like I paid you do, and let me drop it like it's hot!!!

He needs to know what he did was unprofessional.

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Posted by Love_my_Freddybear


Therefore SHUT THE F*CK up, keep your opinions to yourself and play the music like I paid you do, and let me drop it like it's hot!!!

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haha! right on! that rocks...and i totally agree.

Apologize to your BIL for having to deal with it, and move on. Obviously the DJ was out of line, but your phone call or letter isn't going to resolve anything---all it will do is make you even angrier when he doesn't give you the satisfaction of caring. If his feelings are that strong, an angry letter isn't going to change him or his opinions.

I would send a letter to the DJ. I disagree that it won't resolve anything - maybe he will be more cautious about his behavior and attitude in the future. Ignorance and hate have no place at a celebration of love. He was paid to entertain at your event with your guests, not to give out his opinion of be rude.

I am sorry you had to deal with this

I told you -

you need to call or write him a letter. Want me to write it?

I would just write him a letter/email or something and say 'Thanks so much for the excellent DJ'ing and MC'ing at my wedding - however, I have been hearing comments from a few of my guests regarding the garter toss. I understand that it was different and not usual, but as you could see from my DH and my face during the whole thing - we enjoyed it. You could imagine my suprise at returning from my honeymoon and hearing from my BIL and other guests that heard you make disparging remarks. I am sure you didn't mean to go on like you did - but I want you to know that it does upset me. That said, you were a great DJ and I appreciate your service...'

etc. etc. etc.


The thing is - he didn't just say something to BIL. He didn't just say something to you. He didn't just say something to your Dad... He said it to all those people and more. He said on the mic 'Well, this is the first time this ever happened to me...'

I guess he and his feathered hair have been living under a rock too long!

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Posted by leese

I told you -

you need to call or write him a letter. Want me to write it?

I would just write him a letter/email or something and say 'Thanks so much for the excellent DJ'ing and MC'ing at my wedding - however, I have been hearing comments from a few of my guests regarding the garter toss. I understand that it was different and not usual, but as you could see from my DH and my face during the whole thing - we enjoyed it. You could imagine my suprise at returning from my honeymoon and hearing from my BIL and other guests that heard you make disparging remarks. I am sure you didn't mean to go on like you did - but I want you to know that it does upset me. That said, you were a great DJ and I appreciate your service...'

etc. etc. etc.


The thing is - he didn't just say something to BIL. He didn't just say something to you. He didn't just say something to your Dad... He said it to all those people and more. He said on the mic 'Well, this is the first time this ever happened to me...'

I guess he and his feathered hair have been living under a rock too long!

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I couldnt have said it BETTER!!!!!