Advice regarding friends who assume they'll be in the BP?!?!?

I have a friend who I used to be incredibly close to for over 10 years - - but we have grown apart over the past 3 or 4 years. Everyone in my world (probably including her) expects that she'll be in my BP - - but I don't want her in it. I now know that we have grown apart because we don't have much in common anymore...but I certainly don't want to insult her. I plan to ask her to do a reading, so she is involved - but not part of the formal BP. Aside from my sister (MOH) and my FH's sister, I'm only having two other girls in my party - so it's obvious that I'm keeping it small.

Has anyone else been faced with this sort of situation? If so - how would you recommend that I handle it?

TIA!!!

Re: Advice regarding friends who assume they'll be in the BP?!?!?

You can nip all the speculation in the bud by asking her to be a reader, right away. She'll probably be honored that you've given her a special role. If she asks why she's a not a bridesmaid, then tell her about keeping the BP small -- but don't bring this up unless she asks or you may sound like you're making excuses.

And, (I learned this one the hard way), tell everyone you can about her role as a reader so they won't say anything to her to make her think she should've been a bridesmaid.

good luck!

Re: Advice regarding friends who assume they'll be in the BP?!?!?

I'm having a small party. My sister is my MOH and I'm asking two of my friends to be my BMs: a good friend from college and a friend I've known since the third grade. My problem is that I have another friend I've known since 9th grade. ( I met her through my second BM years ago.) However, I don't want to make the party 4 and I really want my college friend in it. I'll have to explain this gently to her, but I hope she'll understand.

I think telling your friend about the reading first will definitely soften the blow.

Re: Advice regarding friends who assume they'll be in the BP?!?!?

I also had a similar situation. Best friends in HS, grew apart afterwards. She actually told me 'c'mon and tell me already that I'm your MOH'...I was speechless. Had to tell her that I was very sorry but picked someone else as my MOH because she was the person responsible for introducing me to my fiance. She was upset, but I explained that my BP was small and it included only family and my BF and I would be honored if she addressed my invitations and all correspondence since she has an amazingly unique handwriting. She was excited and understood and actually thanked her for considering her for such an important thing. I say all this to say that as long as you find a way to make her a part of your day she'll understand. After all, she loves you and just wants to be a part of your wedding in any way possible.

Best wishes!

Re: Advice regarding friends who assume they'll be in the BP?!?!?

Definately ask her to do the reading and soon. Then take it from there. A friend of mine was upset about not being in someones bridal party because they casually talked of it years before. What she was most upset about was that the girl never said anything to her though. It was a confusing mess... But I think the reading will make it work for you. As long as people have A part I don't think it matters as much what.

Re: Advice regarding friends who assume they'll be in the BP?!?!?

Similar situation but my IL's assumed FH's nieces and nephews would be in the bridal party as RB and FG's. Well, I'm only having a MOH, I really don't know these kids well as they all live out of state and have met them 3-4 times over the last year and a half. The thought of having 5 kids (and 2 of the girls can be quite the drama queens) in my bridal party was not sitting with me well... basically didn't want any mishaps or tantrums... there is enough to worry about that day. I can't pick one or two, FH is Jewish so it's not like we could do Godchildren so I blamed it on the size of my wedding party. That it really wouldn't look right if there is only a BM and MOH and 5 children. Also, FH and I would have had to pick up the expense for at least 3 of the kids outfits as I would want them dressed formally but it would be a financal burden on hs sister (with traveling and all). Just say you are keeping it small and yes, ask her to be a reader right away so there is no speculation.

Re: Advice regarding friends who assume they'll be in the BP?!?!?

This just happened to me, I decided not to include my friend of 10 years in my BP (for multiple reasons), yet I was just the MOH in her wedding last night and when I was leaving last night she said 'Can i be the MOH of your wedding' and i just got quiet and said u dont want to be and walked away. It is so awkward and when she finds out that she is not included at all I know she is gonna be hurt. I only chose 2 of my friends and one out of my 4 sisters, so i definitely had a lot of choosing to do..totally not fun!!

Re: Advice regarding friends who assume they'll be in the BP?!?!?

OK I had this happen to me twice already. First my old college room mate who I used to be very close with says to me when I tell her I'm getting married that she is 'putting' herself in my wedding party. OK fine because I was planning on having her. But she thinks she is going to be my Matron of Honor. Well let me just say my brother is being my 'maid of honor' (man of honor) This friend of mine got married at a quick ceremony in city hall and is SO beyond jealous that I am having the wedding I always wanted. But she still thinks she is the Matron of honor and I don't know how to tell her. Second was a close guy friend of mine just assumed that he was in my FH wedding party (my FH doesn't really know him & doesn't really like him) He had the nerve to think that I should place him in my FH wedding party before my FH's cousins and bestfriends. Mind you this is the same person that when he saw my engagement ring the first thing out of his mouth was 'oh is it real' because his jealous was consuming him that I had such a beautiful REAL diamond on my finger. So honey I really know what you're going through. Just stick to your guns and try to let them know in a nice way and if that doesn't work then switch on your bridzilla mask for a minute and let them know who's running the show