Already Had a MAJOR FREAK OUT!!!

The dance is called the Hora, and it’s done at all Jewish life-cycle events. It’s a dance that expresses how happy we are to be together. IMO this is not 'silly.' Someone once told me that the guests of honor are lifted in chairs to raise them closer to God. We’ve done the Hora at every wedding, bar and bat mitzvah in my family, and NO ONE has ever been dropped. My dad weighs close to 200 pounds.

Of course a bar mitzvah will be different than a wedding – it’s a party for thirteen year-olds. And you will be in the spotlight – you’re the bride! If you’re booking a band, they’ll play whatever music you want. You can even get it written into the contract that they don’t “MC” other than announcing the BP and dinner. We did.

Cutting the Hora out of your ceremony is probably going to really hurt your in-laws. It’s ten minutes out of your reception and it’s a tradition - one of the few that remain in American Jewish weddings. You can have an elegant wedding and still Hora. Talk to your FH and take it from there.

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Posted by TheFutureMrsM

So last night me fh, and the inlaws, and his grandparents are watching his cousins bat-mitvah video. Its pretty much like a wedding. It was at carltun on the park. Loud DJ, tons of kids, a candle lighting ceremony with little ryhmes.

Then they start doing this dance, in a circle, and everyone including the parents get lifted in chairs!!!
They proceed to tell me that i have to do this.
and i proceed to tell them that there is no way in hell i am doing any dance like that especially if its being video taped, and there is no way me or my family is being lifted in chairs in front of everyone.
My luck i will get dropped and fall break my leg and be in the hospital all night.

I do not want to be in the spotlight like that. I see my wedding as elegant, classy, with nice music. Hopefully a band. I do not want an MC. annoucing every little thing. I feel that my wedding will be nothing like a 13 year olds party. I literally sick to my stomache, about this and if they insist on this i will just hire a piano player for the whole night.
or call it off.

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sorry for crashing...

but as for the chair dance.... I think that it's not really something to fight about. I'm very shy too... but NO MATTER WHAT you will be in the spotlight on your wedding day! EVERYONE looks at the bride, whether you're raised up in a chair, sitting and eating, or dancing with your new husband. I think that if this one little thing will really make your FILs happy and it's part of their religion, that you should just try to be okay with it.

as for the MC.... I'm having a DJ and MC... and you can choose how involved this person is. Some people want the MC to get everyone out on the floor, etc. but for me, I just want the MC to do the announcements and whatever... he will have minimal interaction with the guests, and wont' be on the mic too long!

i wouldn't worry too much about these things... it's your wedding! you get to marry the love of your life... that's the main concern. the rest is just details!

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Posted by hayleyandsteve

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Posted by TheFutureMrsM

So last night me fh, and the inlaws, and his grandparents are watching his cousins bat-mitvah video. Its pretty much like a wedding. It was at carltun on the park. Loud DJ, tons of kids, a candle lighting ceremony with little ryhmes.

Then they start doing this dance, in a circle, and everyone including the parents get lifted in chairs!!!
They proceed to tell me that i have to do this.
and i proceed to tell them that there is no way in hell i am doing any dance like that especially if its being video taped, and there is no way me or my family is being lifted in chairs in front of everyone.
My luck i will get dropped and fall break my leg and be in the hospital all night.

I do not want to be in the spotlight like that. I see my wedding as elegant, classy, with nice music. Hopefully a band. I do not want an MC. annoucing every little thing. I feel that my wedding will be nothing like a 13 year olds party. I literally sick to my stomache, about this and if they insist on this i will just hire a piano player for the whole night.
or call it off.

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sorry for crashing...

but as for the chair dance.... I think that it's not really something to fight about. I'm very shy too... but NO MATTER WHAT you will be in the spotlight on your wedding day! EVERYONE looks at the bride, whether you're raised up in a chair, sitting and eating, or dancing with your new husband. I think that if this one little thing will really make your FILs happy and it's part of their religion, that you should just try to be okay with it.

as for the MC.... I'm having a DJ and MC... and you can choose how involved this person is. Some people want the MC to get everyone out on the floor, etc. but for me, I just want the MC to do the announcements and whatever... he will have minimal interaction with the guests, and wont' be on the mic too long!

i wouldn't worry too much about these things... it's your wedding! you get to marry the love of your life... that's the main concern. the rest is just details!

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Yeah you will be in the spotlight no matter what...Also when you walk down the aisle and your first dance, and more people focus on just you two during the first dance...During the hora theres also a bunch of people dancing around you and more to pay attention to.

UGH I dont know how to help you on this one bc i definitely see both sides of it

i really love tradition and am following some italian traditions that my cousins that still live in italy think i am hysterical!

BUT just reading your first post - made all the blood rush to my face. . . i dont think i would be able to handle it either - i am very shy and when i get shy i get VERY awkward and self conscious. . .

as for walking down the aisle - i dont care that people will be looking at me bc that is the actually 'marriage' part that counts plus i am SO happy my church is pretty small with a tiny aisle so it will be over in minutes!

i am even trying to figure out a way to not 'walk in' to the reception - i am going to my CH anyway so everyone will see me before then - i would like to walk in with no fanfare and just start our first dance - BUT i want to honor my parents and ILs with being introduced in so idk how i am going to work that out AND i had it written into my DJ contract that besides the father/daughter and first dance i am NEVER to be called onto the dance floor and neither is FH - we are also skipping hte bok and garter tosses for the same reason

anyway, dont feel bad i would feel the same way and honestly you shouldnt have to do anything you dont want to do! BUT if it does happen - just go with it and dont let it ruin your night - Don't stress about it though - have a few glasses of champagne and enjoy yourself!

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Posted by Soon2BDoubleL

The hora is not a silly tradition at all...and I think you might want to consider all sides of this before you make a decision especially since you are probably going to be lifted in a chair whether you like it or not.

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i have never been to an event where this was done but i kind of dont get how this could happen withour their consent? sorry if i am being dense but a few people have mentioned it - i mean how hard is it to avoid being lifted into the air? my stomach hurts just thinking about it - i think i would probably burst into tears lol i am a loser though

I am going to the cocktail hour as well to avoid all the fanfare. I really dont want to be annouced, i dont want it to be this whole big thing. My hall is very small, its a very intimate place. Its not big at all. I am definately not doing the garter/bok toss either.

I duno if my father is walking me down the aisle or if i am going alone, at that point i will have been living with FH for 4 years. Is my dad really giving me away???

This whole thing is so confusing. my shirt is soaked from sweat, my palms are sweaty, i am just so nervous thinking about all the attention that day.

a little backround.
In school i hated doing oral reports, and i would just be absent until the teacher forgot about it.
I absolutely hate standing in front of a crowd of people.

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Posted by ant n tilde

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Posted by Soon2BDoubleL

The hora is not a silly tradition at all...and I think you might want to consider all sides of this before you make a decision especially since you are probably going to be lifted in a chair whether you like it or not.

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i have never been to an event where this was done but i kind of dont get how this could happen withour their consent? sorry if i am being dense but a few people have mentioned it - i mean how hard is it to avoid being lifted into the air? my stomach hurts just thinking about it - i think i would probably burst into tears lol i am a loser though

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tild, seriously though, i would kick and scream if anyone tries to do this. Im a total wacko, no one is getting me into a chair, i would kick their teeth down their throat or punch them out before they got the chance.

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Posted by TheFutureMrsM

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Posted by ant n tilde

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Posted by Soon2BDoubleL

The hora is not a silly tradition at all...and I think you might want to consider all sides of this before you make a decision especially since you are probably going to be lifted in a chair whether you like it or not.

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i have never been to an event where this was done but i kind of dont get how this could happen withour their consent? sorry if i am being dense but a few people have mentioned it - i mean how hard is it to avoid being lifted into the air? my stomach hurts just thinking about it - i think i would probably burst into tears lol i am a loser though

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tild, seriously though, i would kick and scream if anyone tries to do this. Im a total wacko, no one is getting me into a chair, i would kick their teeth down their throat or punch them out before they got the chance.

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well i would probably do what i normally do in situations where i am hte center of attention - get light headed, turn red and get hives

honestly, i am the worst - i was telling a story at FILs house on Christmas . . . and i was tlaking only to his uncle but then i realized that the entire table was looking at me. . . i seriously almost passed out - all the blood drained from my face and i started blacking out - THANK GOD everyone thought it was from the heat and the wine - but it was just bc everyone was looking at me . . . so they just let me go outside and get some air instead of taking me to the loony bin

THATS TOO FUNNY

I hate when people stare at me

I am starting to rethink this whole wedding thing.

One of the reasons i liked my hall, was cause it was small, and intimate.

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Posted by ant n tilde

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Posted by Soon2BDoubleL

The hora is not a silly tradition at all...and I think you might want to consider all sides of this before you make a decision especially since you are probably going to be lifted in a chair whether you like it or not.

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i have never been to an event where this was done but i kind of dont get how this could happen withour their consent? sorry if i am being dense but a few people have mentioned it - i mean how hard is it to avoid being lifted into the air? my stomach hurts just thinking about it - i think i would probably burst into tears lol i am a loser though

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unfortunately it does happen like that

I'm not saying this to be mean, but honestly... no matter WHAT you cut out of your wedding (big entrance, garter/bouquet toss, first dance.... etc). everyone's eyes will STILL be on you!

every single person that comes to your wedding is there to see you and your new husband! they want to celebrate with you, share your happiness...

even if you sit at your sweetheart table the duration of the night, everyone will still have their eyes on you!

it's just one day... you marry the love of your life, and every single person wants to share in your happiness! i think it's really special that all of these important people in your life come to celebrate your marriage. for one day, don't shy away from attention -- enjoy it!

thats what i think too!
my dj better listen to me over anyone else or they aint getting their tip!

Please excuse me I'm a board crasher.
My Fh is Jewish and I am terrified that they will try to do the Hora but for multiple reasons. One the thought of being lifted in the air on a chair makes me uneasy. Second Fh doesn't consider himself Jewish and I had to fight with him just to do the breaking of the glass at the ceremony (Fmil really wants it). Finally I am on meds that make me get motion sickness real easily. The dog rocking the bed by panting makes me sick. I am so afraid i will throw up everywhere. I have nothing against religous tradition I just hope Fh family does not do this to us. Fh will be spitting mad and I will get sick on everyone. But it would def win money on America's Funniest Home Video .

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Posted by hayleyandsteve

I'm not saying this to be mean, but honestly... no matter WHAT you cut out of your wedding (big entrance, garter/bouquet toss, first dance.... etc). everyone's eyes will STILL be on you!

every single person that comes to your wedding is there to see you and your new husband! they want to celebrate with you, share your happiness...

even if you sit at your sweetheart table the duration of the night, everyone will still have their eyes on you!

it's just one day... you marry the love of your life, and every single person wants to share in your happiness! i think it's really special that all of these important people in your life come to celebrate your marriage. for one day, don't shy away from attention -- enjoy it!

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completely understand what you are saying - it makes sense

but with the other stuff - i dont mind if people are looking at me. . . like for the first dance or when we are saying our vows - bc that is an intimate thing btw FH and I and I *want* our families to share in that and be touched by it.

but all the other extra stuff - doesnt mean anything to me so i *will* be paying attention to all the attention being placed on me instead of being able to focus on my new husband. . . i think thats the difference ( for me at least!)

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Posted by dplehat

Please excuse me I'm a board crasher.
My Fh is Jewish and I am terrified that they will try to do the Hora but for multiple reasons. One the thought of being lifted in the air on a chair makes me uneasy. Second Fh doesn't consider himself Jewish and I had to fight with him just to do the breaking of the glass at the ceremony (Fmil really wants it). Finally I am on meds that make me get motion sickness real easily. The dog rocking the bed by panting makes me sick. I am so afraid i will throw up everywhere. I have nothing against religous tradition I just hope Fh family does not do this to us. Fh will be spitting mad and I will get sick on everyone. But it would def win money on America's Funniest Home Video .

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yeah you definitely don't want for that to happen hahaha