Alter Servers at your wedding

Yes I did tip them....the church highly suggested it and we figured this kid gave up his Saturday for my wedding. THink back to when you were that young.....$20 was a lot of money and I figured it was not a big deal to tip them. It is common practice to tip the alter servers and I knew about it before the church suggested it.

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Posted by xosweetiexo

I think I am going to give $10 and it has nothing to do with being cheap. I just feel like $20 is too much for that sorry

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That's the way I feel too but FH said that when he was an alter server he got $10 and that was a lot of years ago. I was an alter server when I was a kid as well and never got tipped and that wasn't a problem for me. I feel like the church is trying to bribe these kids into doing it. I def will give them something but I feel like $20 each is a lot.

to be completely honest, what is 40 bucks to a kid after youv'e just spent tens of thousands of dollars on this wedding. the kids are giving up their mornings to be at your wedding, and even if you didnt request them, they still obvs have to be there. and re: the church donation, the kids don't get a cut of that so that doesnt matter.

i understand you feel its a lot of money, but when you put it into perspective, how much was the DOJ you will be wearing....

im sorry to be defensive, but i really don't think its a lot of money to worry about.

Im Jewish :)

What is an alter server? And why do you need one?

Wow I have a lot of issues with this!

First of all, it is the church's responsibility to keep the kids coming back, not yours! They should be recruiting their altar servers and retaining them without bribing them! However, many churches do pay their altar servers, so then it's their responsibility, not yours.

Secondly, I was an altar server and occasionally we got tipped and it was usually at weddings but most of the time we didn't.

Third, I run a youth ministry at my church and I'm really friggin appalled by this! It's one thing to require a minimum donation (which they should be willing to work with you on) and the organist fee bu this is out and out WRONG! If you wanted to tip them, I wouldn't tip them more than $5-10 each because if THAT is why they are coming back, there's something majorly wrong.

Lastly, even if you didn't ask for altar servers, they're pretty necessary.

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Posted by ddnsp618

to be completely honest, what is 40 bucks to a kid after youv'e just spent tens of thousands of dollars on this wedding. the kids are giving up their mornings to be at your wedding, and even if you didnt request them, they still obvs have to be there. and re: the church donation, the kids don't get a cut of that so that doesnt matter.

i understand you feel its a lot of money, but when you put it into perspective, how much was the DOJ you will be wearing....

im sorry to be defensive, but i really don't think its a lot of money to worry about.

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I guess your right when you put it like that. I just feel it should be optional.

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Posted by ddnsp618

to be completely honest, what is 40 bucks to a kid after youv'e just spent tens of thousands of dollars on this wedding. the kids are giving up their mornings to be at your wedding, and even if you didnt request them, they still obvs have to be there. and re: the church donation, the kids don't get a cut of that so that doesnt matter.

i understand you feel its a lot of money, but when you put it into perspective, how much was the DOJ you will be wearing....

im sorry to be defensive, but i really don't think its a lot of money to worry about.

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ITA. Don't short the kids.

$40. I can understand being upset about the 'donation' to the church....but you can write it off on your taxes. AND most RH's charge more than that to get married on site.

The altar servers are kids who are trying to do something positive, $20 is alot to these kids and a drop in the bucked relative to the cost of our weddings.

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Posted by seawedding

Wow I have a lot of issues with this!

First of all, it is the church's responsibility to keep the kids coming back, not yours! They should be recruiting their altar servers and retaining them without bribing them! However, many churches do pay their altar servers, so then it's their responsibility, not yours.

Secondly, I was an altar server and occasionally we got tipped and it was usually at weddings but most of the time we didn't.

Third, I run a youth ministry at my church and I'm really friggin appalled by this! It's one thing to require a minimum donation (which they should be willing to work with you on) and the organist fee bu this is out and out WRONG! If you wanted to tip them, I wouldn't tip them more than $5-10 each because if THAT is why they are coming back, there's something majorly wrong.

Lastly, even if you didn't ask for altar servers, they're pretty necessary.

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Thank you for making me feel like I'm not crazy. Growing up my family was a big part of the church and I had never heard of this before. So I don;t have a problem with giving them something I just feel like theres something wrong with all of this.

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Posted by Juhgail

Im Jewish :)

What is an alter server? And why do you need one?

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An alter server is a child who assists the priest on the alter. They usually carry candles while walking down the aisle. My church called them a decoration. Basically it keeps the children involved in the church and helps to bring out their faith by being more than just a general parishioner.

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Posted by mokie74m

My church suggested a $20 tip to each alter server. I am tipping $20-$25 each. To me its not really that big of deal but I can understand how some people would get upset.

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I am def going to give it I just think it should be something nice people want to do not something forced. I feel like kids will become alter servers because they will see it as a job and not what its really meant to be.

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Posted by debzy

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Posted by ddnsp618

to be completely honest, what is 40 bucks to a kid after youv'e just spent tens of thousands of dollars on this wedding. the kids are giving up their mornings to be at your wedding, and even if you didnt request them, they still obvs have to be there. and re: the church donation, the kids don't get a cut of that so that doesnt matter.

i understand you feel its a lot of money, but when you put it into perspective, how much was the DOJ you will be wearing....

im sorry to be defensive, but i really don't think its a lot of money to worry about.

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ITA. Don't short the kids.

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I have to chime in on this one. ITA . My brothers were alter servers over 20 years ago and they were tipped about $10.00 each for weddings and funerals. So $20.00 each these days is not alot of money.

I want to be VERY clear I mean no disrespect.

It seems, from the description, that the kids do this to be 'involved' in the church right? They have to be tipped for that?

Very interesting.

And again, I say this with THE upmost respect. I dont want my written word to come across as anything but genuine.

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Posted by Juhgail

I want to be VERY clear I mean no disrespect.

It seems, from the description, that the kids do this to be 'involved' in the church right? They have to be tipped for that?

Very interesting.

And again, I say this with THE upmost respect. I dont want my written word to come across as anything but genuine.

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Usually that's what they do it for but it seems that my church is making it more of a job. I used to be an alter server and did it because I wanted to not to make money. That's my point here. Sorry if it came across wrong.

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Posted by Juhgail

I want to be VERY clear I mean no disrespect.

It seems, from the description, that the kids do this to be 'involved' in the church right? They have to be tipped for that?

Very interesting.

And again, I say this with THE upmost respect. I dont want my written word to come across as anything but genuine.

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Exactly, in theory they are supposed to be volunteering, this isn't supposed to be a job for them. Whereas a lot of churches provide them with stipends for these services and I am NOT against tipping them, if I was having a mass, I absolutely would, I think the church's passing the buck and the message that they're sending to the kids and to her is ridiculous because they aren't sending the right message to the kids.

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Posted by JamieAnt06202009

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Posted by Juhgail

I want to be VERY clear I mean no disrespect.

It seems, from the description, that the kids do this to be 'involved' in the church right? They have to be tipped for that?

Very interesting.

And again, I say this with THE upmost respect. I dont want my written word to come across as anything but genuine.

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Usually that's what they do it for but it seems that my church is making it more of a job. I used to be an alter server and did it because I wanted to not to make money. That's my point here. Sorry if it came across wrong.

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You absolutly did NOT come across wrong!!! I think that what you are saying is the children should do it to be a part of the church, rather than get a tip.

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Posted by seawedding

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Posted by Juhgail

I want to be VERY clear I mean no disrespect.

It seems, from the description, that the kids do this to be 'involved' in the church right? They have to be tipped for that?

Very interesting.

And again, I say this with THE upmost respect. I dont want my written word to come across as anything but genuine.

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Exactly, in theory they are supposed to be volunteering, this isn't supposed to be a job for them. Whereas a lot of churches provide them with stipends for these services and I am NOT against tipping them, if I was having a mass, I absolutely would, I think the church's passing the buck and the message that they're sending to the kids and to her is ridiculous because they aren't sending the right message to the kids.

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ITA!!!! Its not about the money- $40 isnt going to make me or break me...its the point that its sending the wrong message to the alter boys. I think $10 each is pretty good for half an hour. Thats more than some adults make in one hour!