Am I being a Bridezilla???

Hey guys-- here's the scenario. I set up one of my bridesmaid with an old family friend. They've been together for about a month and already are talking about getting married.

I'm getting married in October and now she wants to get married in the end of august, barely a month and a half before mine. The problem is the wedding is out of state and im in the bridal party.

They're not even engaged. Am i being crazy by being upset and thinking that the situation is a bit inconsiderate?

honestly?

I think it's a bit premature to be bothered by this, your wedding is still two years away, and they aren't even engaged.

I also think that so what if she wants to get married in august. Should she get engaged and wants to plan her wedding in August, I don't see what the big deal is JMHO.

Your wedding is your own and hers will be hers.

sorry if this is a little mean, but just like you wouldn't want someone telling you what to do, you can't tell her who or when to marry someone. While you can voice your concern that they are getting married very soon, you can't tell them when to get married.

If you don't want to make the trip out of state and you are in the bridal party, you can recind yourself from being in the party.

But you can't go bridezilla on her, because these are her choices, not yours. Sorry, just my opinion.

I don't think you can say anything to her either.. since your wedding is over 2 years away, imho its not right for you to tell her she has to wait longer. Obviously there are reasons why you need or want to wait that long, but she shouldnt' have to wait longer just so she's not 2 months before you....

I wish I could be getting married sooner, but for circumstances out of my control I had to wait 8 months longer than I want and it kills me, bc I 'cant' live with him before we're married, and since we live an hour apart it really *****....

Maybe you can approach her and mention since she's thinking about it for her to do it earlier than august or something to spread them out, to make it easier for you to be there, but i dont think you can tell her she cant' do it then.

Don't worry about it till she gets engaged. All of this happened in a month or 2 - who knows what will happen next - things can changed very quickly.

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Posted by FallBride05

honestly?

I think it's a bit premature to be bothered by this, your wedding is still two years away, and they aren't even engaged.

I also think that so what if she wants to get married in august. Should she get engaged and wants to plan her wedding in August, I don't see what the big deal is JMHO.

Your wedding is your own and hers will be hers.

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agreed... just see what happens and let it play out.

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Posted by NancyN

Don't worry about it till she gets engaged. All of this happened in a month or 2 - who knows what will happen next - things can changed very quickly.

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I agree.

I don't get why it bothers you that your friend is getting married a month and a half before you. I have a good friend who got engaged a few years ago and had a very long engagement. In that time, I met my DH, we got engaged and got married. Our wedding was in May, hers was a month and a half later. My wedding was in NY, hers was in Virginia and I live in California. We both had to travel for each others' weddings (which we were bridesmaids in) and did so happily. Instead of looking at it as a problem, we enjoyed having a 'bride buddy' to plan with. Neither of us had any married friends, but we had each other to talk about flowers and dresses and china patterns and seating arrangements. Not only was it so much fun, but it brought us even closer together. I think you should look at this as an opportunity to share your joy with your friend. After all, so many women on this board complain that their bridesmaids don't care about wedding stuff, now you're almost guaranteed a friend who will understand the importance of the stupid little things we obsess over!

Six weeks is a decent amount between weddings, even if they are out of state.

Is it more the fact that here they are, only knowing each other a month and poof, they are getting married before you when you've been together with your FH for longer? I've had this happen amongst some of my friends who had longer engagements, others were engaged and married to people they had only dated for a short period of time.

I wouldn't think too much of it until they actually are engaged, I tend to stress myself out about things that never happen!

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Posted by FallBride05

honestly?

I think it's a bit premature to be bothered by this, your wedding is still two years away, and they aren't even engaged.

I also think that so what if she wants to get married in august. Should she get engaged and wants to plan her wedding in August, I don't see what the big deal is JMHO.

Your wedding is your own and hers will be hers.

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I agree.

I did this to one of my BMs who was engaged for 22 months (Oct '04 - Aug '06) I busted in with a 9.5 month engagement (Oct '05 - July '06) and got married almost exactly a month before she did..

Both of our weddings were out of state from where we live, we were in each others weddings and had two BMs in common...

We had lots of talks about if this was OK and at first I think she was upset (she said a month was a good buffer but I kind of realized after the fact that she meant a month after not a month before) but it comes down to a few things (a)planning duration is different for everyone and within reason, noone should have to plan the most important day of their lives around the most important day of someone elses and (b)if this person is a friend to you are you are to them you should both be happy and willing to do what is involved for the other's wedding regardless of it putting a cramp in weekend of your own planning...(c) it also may help to consider that it looks like your weddings will be in different places and depending on how may quests you have in common, its not like your weddings will impact each other any more that the actual attendance (ie no guests making comparisons or giving you and other reason to worry more about your own that you already are)...

Moral of the story is...it will all work out...everything does...and if you are both up for it is really is more fun to plan w/ someone else who is going through the same thing

I don't know. I guess I'm a bit old-fashioned.

I really wouldn't care if I wasn't supposed to be a bridesmaid. But I think it's going to be a little difficult planning my own wedding while flying to and from where she is getting married for the pre wedding things.

I'm sure it really doesn't help my mood that one of my other bridesmaids just decided to get married three weeks before me too, and I have to be in her wedding too.

Oh well, I guess everyone is right and I'm over-reacting.

if it's too much stress for you, then you don't HAVE to be in their weddings. Being a BM is a voluntary thing.

We had three weddings right before ours, the closest one being 4 weeks before. We also had a wedding to attend 2 days after getting back from our HM (one of the weddings was way out in Colorado too). And these weddings were not friends, but for immediate family.

She's going to be doing the same thing too since she's in your wedding party, travelling back and forth.

Like everyone has said though, it hasn't happened yet, don't get stressed about it, it might not even happen!

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Posted by jessie32783

I don't know. I guess I'm a bit old-fashioned.

I really wouldn't care if I wasn't supposed to be a bridesmaid. But I think it's going to be a little difficult planning my own wedding while flying to and from where she is getting married for the pre wedding things.

I'm sure it really doesn't help my mood that one of my other bridesmaids just decided to get married three weeks before me too, and I have to be in her wedding too.

Oh well, I guess everyone is right and I'm over-reacting.

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If you have to fly to where she is, I'm sure she'll understand (if you are understanding as well) if you can't make it to all of the traditional bridesmaids things. As I posted before, my friend and I went through this and we didn't help each othe pick out dresses (except emailing pictures) and I couldn't attend her shower or BP. It broke my heart to not be at those things, but the expense would have been too much and she understood. But I was there for her wedding and she was there for mine and we were there for each other emotionally during planning and that's the most important part, isn't it? And if it's too much, like other brides have said, you can opt out of being in their bridal parties.

I have to say. Simmer down this may boil over (like all the hot water references ) People say crazy things when they start dating. This may be a relationship that fizzles so I wouldnt bother yourself with getting all worked up.

Also, if they do decide to go ahead with this incredibly premature plan, i wouldn't be upset. 2 years is a lot of time to make sure that you both get and give the attention you will both need.

Thanks everyone.

You know everyone always says that you're wedding is only the most important thing to you and I guess I'm just having a bridezilla moment.

I guess when the time comes, I'll have to decide whether or not I can be a part of these other weddings. I just don't even know how I would be able to pay for everything (travel, dresses, gifts, parties) a month before I have to pay for my own. And I'm just the kind of person that couldn't be a part of a wedding unless I could devote myself to it, because being a bridesmaid is just really important and an honor to me and I just couldn't bare half ***'ing something!


Thanks again, I guess it's time to stop being a bridezilla.

Talk about jumping the gun...Jeez! But let her do what she wants to do, try to not let it bother you

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Posted by NancyN

Don't worry about it till she gets engaged. All of this happened in a month or 2 - who knows what will happen next - things can changed very quickly.

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I totally agree! You have plenty of time to figure things out.