Am I being a Bridezilla???

---

Posted by Snowflake08

meaning that a lot of small towns (i.e. middle america) as opposed to the tri state area do NOT have large Jewish populations if any Jewish people AT ALL

---

so people from middle america are ignorant? hmmmmm that doesnt' sound very nice.

Did Nicole even come back on yet?

---

Posted by loislane

---

Posted by Snowflake08

meaning that a lot of small towns (i.e. middle america) as opposed to the tri state area do NOT have large Jewish populations if any Jewish people AT ALL

---

so people from middle america are ignorant? hmmmmm that doesnt' sound very nice.

---

did i write the word ignorant anywhere in that statement???

---

Posted by loislane

---

Posted by Snowflake08

meaning that a lot of small towns (i.e. middle america) as opposed to the tri state area do NOT have large Jewish populations if any Jewish people AT ALL

---

so people from middle america are ignorant? hmmmmm that doesnt' sound very nice.

---

People from middle america arent ignorant, people on this board are. My whole point was that maybe I could understand these comments in a small town where there are no Jews, but not on Long Island of all places! I go to law school OOT (in the midwest) and FH's family grew up in really really small towns (think population 1000) and there were no jews AT ALL. Not all small towns are like that, but many are. I purposely didn't name one.

One of my BMs was in a small town in ____ visiting her college roommate and a guy hit on her, asked what her necklace meant (it was her name in hebrew) and when she explained she was Jewish he asked her why she didn't have horns. He was totally serious. He never met a Jewish person before.

It's nothing like that on Long Island... at least, not where I grew up. That's why I assumed things would be different here. It totally boggles my mind that people are so close-minded.

thank you!!
not to mention that i never said the word 'ignorant'

---

Posted by jeffamanda080808

I think this thread has gotten way out of hand. I think we should agree to disagree. I'm pretty sure Nicole had no intentions on starting a holy war.

---

HERE HERE I'll drink to that

---

Posted by Snowflake08

---

Posted by loislane

---

Posted by Snowflake08

meaning that a lot of small towns (i.e. middle america) as opposed to the tri state area do NOT have large Jewish populations if any Jewish people AT ALL

---

so people from middle america are ignorant? hmmmmm that doesnt' sound very nice.

---

did i write the word ignorant anywhere in that statement???

---

no the otehr poster said i can't believe how ignorant people are here and is this a small undiverse town? Then when i said 'not all small towns are not diverse' you chimed in to explain what a small town was so i was just wondering if you were trying to point that out maybe? I was just a little confused.

---

Posted by loislane

---

Posted by Snowflake08

---

Posted by loislane

---

Posted by Snowflake08

meaning that a lot of small towns (i.e. middle america) as opposed to the tri state area do NOT have large Jewish populations if any Jewish people AT ALL

---

so people from middle america are ignorant? hmmmmm that doesnt' sound very nice.

---

did i write the word ignorant anywhere in that statement???

---

no the otehr poster said i can't believe how ignorant people are here and is this a small undiverse town? Then when i said 'not all small towns are not diverse' you chimed in to explain what a small town was so i was just wondering if you were trying to point that out maybe? I was just a little confused.

---

I DO think it's ignorant for people to comment about how 'weird' it is for parents to stand under the chuppah after 5 pages of people explaining how it's a real, important tradition in a Jewish wedding, ESPECIALLY after other people posted about how they were offended by people using the word weird.

I wasn't saying Long Island is a small undiverse town, if you look back I was saying that I was so surprised to be seeing these comments from people on Long Island where there are SO MANY Jewish people -- it's not like a small town where there are no Jewish people.

People have different traditions, just like they may pick different halls, dresses, etc. Doesn't mean it's weird or wrong if it's different from how you are doing it, even if you are the majority.

Countdown till this thread is pulled

and 5... 4... 3...

---

Posted by bluegreen08

---

Posted by loislane

---

Posted by Snowflake08

---

Posted by loislane

---

Posted by Snowflake08

meaning that a lot of small towns (i.e. middle america) as opposed to the tri state area do NOT have large Jewish populations if any Jewish people AT ALL

---

so people from middle america are ignorant? hmmmmm that doesnt' sound very nice.

---

did i write the word ignorant anywhere in that statement???

---

no the otehr poster said i can't believe how ignorant people are here and is this a small undiverse town? Then when i said 'not all small towns are not diverse' you chimed in to explain what a small town was so i was just wondering if you were trying to point that out maybe? I was just a little confused.

---

I DO think it's ignorant for people to comment about how 'weird' it is for parents to stand under the chuppah after 5 pages of people explaining how it's a real, important tradition in a Jewish wedding.

I wasn't saying Long Island is a small undiverse town, if you look back I was saying that I was so surprised to be seeing these comments from people on Long Island where there are SO MANY Jewish people -- it's not like a small town where there are no Jewish people.

Countdown till this thread is pulled

and 5... 4... 3...

---

I doubt the op was trying to offend that is why I can't get over the pages and pages of people basically telling the op that she is rude or what ever the other insults were. Mabye her inlaws are weird, maybe she doesn't want them there, what is wrong with that. I understand it's tradtion and it's great to have that but she didnt' say 'anyone who has their parents standing with them are weird' she basically stated how having her fil's with her would make her feel, is that an insult?

---

Posted by loislane

I doubt the op was trying to offend that is why I can't get over the pages and pages of people basically telling the op that she is rude or what ever the other insults were. Mabye her inlaws are weird, maybe she doesn't want them there, what is wrong with that. I understand it's tradtion and it's great to have that but she didnt' say 'anyone who has their parents standing with them are weird' she basically stated how having her fil's with her would make her feel, is that an insult?

---

Oops, my comment got lost in all of that. My frustrated comments were not targeted toward the OP, but to the people who responded saying 'oh that's so weird' or 'I'd tell them to sit their asses down' which is pretty offensive. That's why I commented nicely on the first page just letting the OP know it was a Jewish tradition (not her FILs being overbearing for the helll of it) and that she should talk to FH about it and decide together.

It's just frustrating to see pages and pages of people who wrote about how weird it was and were so close-minded. Especially after Snowflake posted about how it was offensive for people to call it weird.

Edit: Here's my first post so you can see... and you can check, I never edited that post:

'It really is Jewish tradition for the parents (both sides) to stand up there -- not right on top of you but at the sides of the Chuppah. FH wasn't crazy about that at first but he decided he's OK with it because it's a big part of tradition

in the end it's what you guys want, but I just wanted to comment that it's not something random your FH's parents made up to smother you'

---

Posted by ChristineAaron08

---

Posted by jeffamanda080808

I think this thread has gotten way out of hand. I think we should agree to disagree. I'm pretty sure Nicole had no intentions on starting a holy war.

---

HERE HERE I'll drink to that

---

actually this is NOT the first time nicole has done this....

start soemthing... comment once or twice it gets REAL heated then she dissapears ALL Day and will possibly post again a day from now like nothign ever happened...

she has a bad habit of doign this and laura im sorry this got so out of control... laura.. its not worth ur energy to argue with otheres when the OP has gone MIA.

---

Posted by xXxNovember08xXx

---

Posted by ChristineAaron08

---

Posted by jeffamanda080808

I think this thread has gotten way out of hand. I think we should agree to disagree. I'm pretty sure Nicole had no intentions on starting a holy war.

---

HERE HERE I'll drink to that

---

actually this is NOT the first time nicole has done this....

start soemthing... comment once or twice it gets REAL heatend then she dissapears ALL Day and will possibly post again a day from now like nothign ever happened...

she has a bad habit of doign this and laura im sorry this got so out of control... laura.. its not worth ur energy to argue with otheres when the OP has gone MIA.

---

thank you and you are right; its not, but i was trying to clarify for people what the symbolism is and that if you DONT KNOW, then to just be mindful and courteous of other people's traditions as to NOT offend anyone

again, you are correct; nicole has done this before

(why do i always feel the need to say something?! it's like an addiction. i can't stay away from controversial threads. )

As someone going into an interfaith marriage (FH is Jewish, I am Catholic), I feel that BOTH religions and traditions need to be respected. I would never want to offend or disrespect my FIL's. But ...if I did not feel comfortable with a religious tradition being represented at our interfaith ceremony - a religion that I am not converting to - I would not feel comfortable with it. Period.

I would do my best to talk to my FIL's and make sure that communication is open between us, and explain our vision for our ceremony, but I would be offended if they did not respect OUR wishes for OUR ceremony. That would be disrespectful to me.

At the end of it all, it is up to the COUPLE who is getting married to do what they please.

I do agree though that you need to pick your battles. If FIL's were really upset with our decision, I would try my best to make compromises that wouldn't compromise our ceremony.

i agree bonnie
however, maybe its because nicole has mentioned numerous times about her inlaws paying for this and that?

if they are contributing, and possibly contributing substantially to the event, i would think that this request and major part of a jewish ceremony (they are being married by a rabbi) would be a non issue

especially as denise said, your BP is standing beside you so its not like anyone is up at the alter alone as a couple

---

Posted by Snowflake08

---

Posted by xXxNovember08xXx

---

Posted by ChristineAaron08

---

Posted by jeffamanda080808

I think this thread has gotten way out of hand. I think we should agree to disagree. I'm pretty sure Nicole had no intentions on starting a holy war.

---

HERE HERE I'll drink to that

---

actually this is NOT the first time nicole has done this....

start soemthing... comment once or twice it gets REAL heatend then she dissapears ALL Day and will possibly post again a day from now like nothign ever happened...

she has a bad habit of doign this and laura im sorry this got so out of control... laura.. its not worth ur energy to argue with otheres when the OP has gone MIA.

---

thank you and you are right; its not, but i was trying to clarify for people what the symbolism is and that if you DONT KNOW, then to just be mindful and courteous of other people's traditions as to NOT offend anyone

again, you are correct; nicole has done this before

---

Sorry I didn't know that this had happened before.

---

Posted by Snowflake08

i agree bonnie
however, maybe its because nicole has mentioned numerous times about her inlaws paying for this and that?

if they are contributing, and possibly contributing substantially to the event, i would think that this request and major part of a jewish ceremony (they are being married by a rabbi) would be a non issue

especially as denise said, your BP is standing beside you so its not like anyone is up at the alter alone as a couple

---

thats why on page 2 i said that i think she need to reconsider not WAHT they want to do but WHY they want to do it...

i want to say i am so thankful that fh and i are soo not religious!

Here is my take:

A) if you and fh are paying for it yourself tell everyone to go f off and do what you want and screw tradition in that religion.

B) if someone is paying or is truly helping out and only asks of this one thing of you then i really say give in and let them stand by you. I mean is it really going to cramp your style? then tell the bp to sit down and let the parents stand up instead. BP are just witnesses in all honesty.

---

Posted by beachbum05

(why do i always feel the need to say something?! it's like an addiction. i can't stay away from controversial threads. )

As someone going into an interfaith marriage (FH is Jewish, I am Catholic), I feel that BOTH religions and traditions need to be respected. I would never want to offend or disrespect my FIL's. But ...if I did not feel comfortable with a religious tradition being represented at our interfaith ceremony - a religion that I am not converting to - I would not feel comfortable with it. Period.

I would do my best to talk to my FIL's and make sure that communication is open between us, and explain our vision for our ceremony, but I would be offended if they did not respect OUR wishes for OUR ceremony. That would be disrespectful to me.



At the end of it all, it is up to the COUPLE who is getting married to do what they please.

I do agree though that you need to pick your battles. If FIL's were really upset with our decision, I would try my best to make compromises that wouldn't compromise our ceremony.

Very well said!

---