One of my bridesmaids, who is also my sister in law, just told me that shes pregnant. I knew they had been trying, and we talked about how as long as she didng get pregnant in jan-march we'd be ok...in a kidding around sort of way. Well needless to say, she got pregnant in Jan and will either be 9mths pregnant the day of my wedding, or she will have just given birth. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for them. I just feel like she didn't give any thought to me at all. Not that I expect them to hold up their life for me, I just hoped that they'd be a little careful jan-feb. I feel selfish for saying that, but I can't help it. I don't really care so much that she'll be pregnant (mind u the bridesmaid dresses are already here, and her's is a size 10!), but the fact that there is a chance that either her, or her and my bro (who is also in the wedding party), will miss out on my wedding. It also stinks that she'll miss out on the bachelorette party etc...I told her she didn't have to be in the wedding party bc I know it'll be added stress and money, but she said she wanted to be. I dont know, I feel selfish, but I also feel like this is typical of my sis in law. She never thinks about how the things she does affects other ppl, she just does whatever she wants. UGH!
eperlman
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Re: am I being selfish??
If it makes you feel better I don't have One pregnant BM, but I have three... that's half the party. You should be very happy for her!! I know you really want her to be apart of everything and I'm sure she will... just take it one day at a time.
One of my BM is due two weeks after my wedding, the other is due 4 weeks and another Just told me she's pregnant. I can have two BM's that give birth on my wedding!! Oh well... gives it some excitement and everyone will remember the wedding. LOL
Tiggeruth
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Re: am I being selfish??
so i just went through this last year. I ranted, i raved, i was very mad and essentially freaked out. I had the same line of thinking...how could my brother do this to me, I did not like the idea of him possibly missing my wedding because she would be giving birth etc... My brother assured me he would not miss my wedding and that everything would work out as did my parents. I had my doubts, but in the end she gave birth to my nephew a week before my wedding and my brother was at my wedding just fine.
If they have been trying for a while its not like they knew this time woudl do it and that she would actually get pregnant 9 months before your wedding. Happily/Sadly these things happen. Rant and get it out of your system but then be happy because you are going to be an aunt. It is really much fun to be an aunt and get married at the same time...many happy occassions at once = a good time
kat74
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Re: am I being selfish??
my best friend couldn't be in mine-- she is due the day of my wedding--- I was dissapointed she couldn't share in my day the way I wanted her to and that maybe she won't be there at all-- BUT I got over it very quickly-- she is having her first baby!!!!!!!!!!! be happy for them! its a beautiful time for both of you.
Queensbebe
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Re: am I being selfish??
I know, u guys are right...I am really happy that I'm going to be an aunt. I told her at least now I finally have someone else to spoil besides my puppy....I know things will work out...I just had to vent for a second. Thanks for listening!
eperlman
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Re: am I being selfish??
Posted by Queensbebe
I know, u guys are right...I am really happy that I'm going to be an aunt. I told her at least now I finally have someone else to spoil besides my puppy....I know things will work out...I just had to vent for a second. Thanks for listening!
No problem... believe me, when I first heard my Best Friend was pregnant and her DD was two weeks after the wedding I was upset and hurt... then I felt bad I was being selfish and now I'm happy for everyone... Who knows, maybe I'll be pregnant for a friend's wedding (way in the future). LOL
carolinebr
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Re: am I being selfish??
Please don't be offended . (I'm sure I'll catch some sh!t for this but...)
Everyone wants their wedding day to be perfect BUT I think its a VERY weird of you to expect that they'd stop trying to have children in Jan & Feb b/c of your wedding.
You say you didn't expect them to hold up their lives but... you kind of did expect that, it seems. Its understandable that you want your brother at your wedding (and I'm sure he'll attend!) but if they have been trying (or even if they hadn't) I do think its selfish of you to be mad at them. They are having a baby, not plotting some malicious attack on your day.
I know it seems like it sux now, but when the baby gets here, hopefully you'll feel differently.
JMO.
Queensbebe
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Re: am I being selfish??
Posted by carolinebr
Please don't be offended . (I'm sure I'll catch some sh!t for this but...)
Everyone wants their wedding day to be perfect BUT I think its a VERY weird of you to expect that they'd stop trying to have children in Jan & Feb b/c of your wedding.
You say you didn't expect them to hold up their lives but... you kind of did expect that, it seems. Its understandable that you want your brother at your wedding (and I'm sure he'll attend!) but if they have been trying (or even if they hadn't) I do think its selfish of you to be mad at them. They are having a baby, not plotting some malicious attack on your day.
I know it seems like it sux now, but when the baby gets here, hopefully you'll feel differently.
JMO.
Im not mad at them at all. I know they weren't plotting against me. It's hard to explain how I feel when you guys don't know my bro and sis in law. I just had some thoughts which I admit are selfish that I needed to get out of my system. In the end I am happy for them. I just hated that when she needs me to help her out, I'll be running around doing wedding stuff. I just feel like we both could use each other and I don't want either one of us missing out on anything. I'm definently not mad at them. I'm happy for them. However, I think its normal for me to be having these thoughts. I would never say anything negative to them, but I don't think I'm 'weird' considering I consider my entire family b4 doing something that affects them. I think most people would initially feel the same way. In the end, things will work out and everything will be fine. But I don't think I'm 'weird'...
SchmearandGoose
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Re: am I being selfish??
You're not 'weird' at all... you were just reacting to the situation. I'm sure it was shocking at first. But I'm sure you have (or will) come to realize that it's exciting to have two enormously exciting events in your family at the same time. You're going to be an aunt! You're going to be a wife! This will only enhance the happiness your family will experience on your wedding day!
mkc56
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Re: am I being selfish??
That is really hard. I know what you mean about them not stopping their life for you, but still, this is your one day.
Marchbride07
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Re: am I being selfish??
I completely understand and don't think you are being selfish at all as long as you don't tell them how you feel! My sister told me she would start trying for her second after my wedding and called me a month ago to tell me she is pregnant. She is the worst with birth control! It didn;t help she was havingmarital problems at the time and I thought she did it to keep him around (AWFUL I know!) I was excited for her because I love my niece and love little babies.
Then it sunk in. My MOH will be pregnant (only three months so not that bad!) but she is also my best friend, the one I wanted to get completely drunk with on my bachelorette party and the one I wanted to drink with after my wedding. She says she will still have a good time but we come from a big drunk irish family and it is just something we like to do. I was feeling upset about it, but I could never bring it up to them...what happened happened for a reason and maybe she will step down and she can be an honoray bridesmaid and hopeuflly your brother will still attend even if she has just given birth!
Sorry so long, you struck a cord with me! it all works out even though you don't want to hear that right now!
sarahthegreat
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Re: am I being selfish??
are you being selfish? yes, read what you just wrote. you should be happy for them. she should not have to put her life on hold b/c someone is getting married.
eperlman
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Re: am I being selfish??
Posted by sarahthegreat
are you being selfish? yes, read what you just wrote. you should be happy for them. she should not have to put her life on hold b/c someone is getting married.
From what I got, she is very happy for her MOH. She just wants to let out her feelings with us. Sometimes it's the initial reaction when you find out a friend is going to be due right around your wedding... then after a little while your feelings change. That's what happened to me... I was a little sad and now I'm happy for all three girls.
sarahthegreat
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Re: am I being selfish??
Posted by eperlman
Posted by sarahthegreat
are you being selfish? yes, read what you just wrote. you should be happy for them. she should not have to put her life on hold b/c someone is getting married.
From what I got, she is very happy for her MOH. She just wants to let out her feelings with us. Sometimes it's the initial reaction when you find out a friend is going to be due right around your wedding... then after a little while your feelings change. That's what happened to me... I was a little sad and now I'm happy for all three girls.
i get that she's happy now. i think the OP may have overreacted at first. my moh, my sister was 5 months pg for my wedding, we dealt with it and now i have a beautiful baby nephew.
eperlman
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Re: am I being selfish??
Posted by sarahthegreat
Posted by eperlman
Posted by sarahthegreat
are you being selfish? yes, read what you just wrote. you should be happy for them. she should not have to put her life on hold b/c someone is getting married.
From what I got, she is very happy for her MOH. She just wants to let out her feelings with us. Sometimes it's the initial reaction when you find out a friend is going to be due right around your wedding... then after a little while your feelings change. That's what happened to me... I was a little sad and now I'm happy for all three girls.
i get that she's happy now. i think the OP may have overreacted at first. my moh, my sister was 5 months pg for my wedding, we dealt with it and now i have a beautiful baby nephew.
Yeah... my three best friends are all gonna be pregnant and I can't wait till their born... like I said, one is due 2 weeks after the wedding. I hope she doesn't go early only b/c I want her to be apart of my day, but if she does, then she does and I will see the new baby girl when I get back from HM.
AMGBride2008
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Re: am I being selfish??
Posted by sarahthegreat
are you being selfish? yes, read what you just wrote. you should be happy for them. she should not have to put her life on hold b/c someone is getting married.
I kind of agree.... Does it suuck?! YES! But I'm sure she wasn't thinking 'ohhh, what can I do to ruin her wedding and/or pisss her off'. Look at the bigger picture... You're getting a neice or nephew.... CONGRATULATIONS!!!
It'll all work out.... good luck!
sarahthegreat
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Re: am I being selfish??
Posted by AMGBride2008
Posted by sarahthegreat
are you being selfish? yes, read what you just wrote. you should be happy for them. she should not have to put her life on hold b/c someone is getting married.
I kind of agree.... Does it suuck?! YES! But I'm sure she wasn't thinking 'ohhh, what can I do to ruin her wedding and/or pisss her off'. Look at the bigger picture... You're getting a neice or nephew.... CONGRATULATIONS!!!
It'll all work out.... good luck!
that was my point,. you're first reaction should not be, oh god, my day is ruined. she may step down and she may not be there, but be happy and support her. she needs it now.
BubbasBride
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Re: am I being selfish??
Posted by sarahthegreat
Posted by AMGBride2008
Posted by sarahthegreat
are you being selfish? yes, read what you just wrote. you should be happy for them. she should not have to put her life on hold b/c someone is getting married.
I kind of agree.... Does it suuck?! YES! But I'm sure she wasn't thinking 'ohhh, what can I do to ruin her wedding and/or pisss her off'. Look at the bigger picture... You're getting a neice or nephew.... CONGRATULATIONS!!!
It'll all work out.... good luck!
that was my point,. you're first reaction should not be, oh god, my day is ruined. she may step down and she may not be there, but be happy and support her. she needs it now.
I agree with Sarah
Eva-and-John 07
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Re: am I being selfish??
vent girl vent....that's what we're here for..
And now that you've had your moment you can concentrate on all the wonderful things you have ahead of you.
Nieces and nephews are the best!
Congratulations on so many levels. Your family is growing in multiple ways.
mskittynj
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Re: am I being selfish??
I don't think you're being selfish. I would probably be feeling the same way. I think if you knew this was a possibility from the start, you could've told her you would feel more comfortable if she wasn't in the bridal party from the beginning. It's a little too late now. Sorry though I know this must totally stink!!!!! XOXOXO Kitty
