am i being ungrateful or would you be upset too?

Our wedding is this weekend and one of my FH's aunt's dropped off our gift yesterday. His aunt and uncle are probably the richest people on L.I. ...no joke. They are billionaires. They own tons of houses/cars as well as 95% of the businesses in a few towns. Their garage is a mansion in itself. Anyway, the gift was pretty hideous (a LARGE, 15 lb or so serving platter...not our style) but luckily she included the gift receipt for Bloomingdales. We went there last night to exchange it, thinking it must have cost at least $200 or so. Well, we got a store credit for....



$50!!!!!!!


How cheap can you be?! Sorry, I had to say that. I have family members on welfare who give more than that at a wedding. I just feel like we've been insulted. I am NOT one of those brides who are money hungry or ultra worried about gifts, but still, I feel so upset by this. Especially since they gave their children each a house and a car as wedding gifts when they got married.

Just had to vent, thanks! Hope no one thinks I am being a b*tch!!


melissa

Re: am i being ungrateful or would you be upset too?

I hope not to offend anyone with this statement, but what I have found is that people who have lots of money, have lots of money for a reason - because they are cheap!

Re: am i being ungrateful or would you be upset too?

Although it doesn't apply to everyone, I have definitely noticed that!

Re: am i being ungrateful or would you be upset too?

I was just going to say what Darlene said!! LOL!!

Re: am i being ungrateful or would you be upset too?

I understand your frustration but many times the most well off people are the cheap-skates!!
It is ironic but the people who don't have much are usually the ones who make sacrifices to give better gifts.
Also you never know may be they just really liked the platter and were planning on giving you an envelope at the wedding.
No need to get upset about it, unless you plan on addressing it with them (which I am sure you won't.) In other words don't waste your energy!!
Just remember the gift they gave you when you go to a function of thiers that requires a gift.

Good luck and enjoy your wedding!!

Re: am i being ungrateful or would you be upset too?

Darlene...I agree too.

My brother got married about 4 years ago and my dad invited his boss, who was mega-rich. Had the big house in Greenwich with the servents and so on.

Do you know what they gave for a gift?

These crazy-looking Christmas ornaments made out of wood. Kind of like wicker furniture. I have never seen anything like this before. It was a huge box, there had to be about 50 of them in there. I don't think my brother ever used them. They were probably expensive, but hideous.

Re: am i being ungrateful or would you be upset too?

Regardless of their 'how rich' financial status I think that they should know better. $50 is a gift you get from a friend who is in college or an elderly relative on a fixed income. Of course, it was nice of her to purchase you something but still. Are they coming to the wedding Melissa? Do they have children? Perhaps your FH's parents gave their children the same amount when they got married. I know people who give exactly what was given to them for occassions like this. I don't do that, nor will I ever. But something to consider.
Don't let it upset you! Just pick something else you like and try to have a great last week of planning.
(And I know this is easier said than done. I just had my shower and FH's family was not very generous with me either.)

michele31

Yes, they are coming to the wedding and I highly doubt they will give us anything else. We asked FH's mom what she gave the aunt and uncle's children for their weddings (keep in mind this was 9 years ago) and she said she gave them at least $200 each. AUUGGGGHHHH!!!

I am not letting this upset me at all, don't worry! Thanks for responding!

Re: michele31

How do you think the rich stay RICH!????!!! That is a perfect example, LOL!!!

Re: am i being ungrateful or would you be upset too?

I agree with the general consensus here.. lol

are any of their kids getting married?? I'd give it to one of them for their weddings..

also, are you sure it's a wedding gift and not a late eng. gift??

Re: am i being ungrateful or would you be upset too?

Like they say, 'Don't expect too much and you won't be let down.'

Re: michele31

People can be weird gift givers at weddings. We had similar situations and it turned out the people we expected big gifts from disappointed us while people we were expecting less from surprised us.

Look at the positive side. At least you were able to return that 15lb serving platter!

Re: michele31

I wouldn't worry about it. I am sure they meant no offense. Maybe your aunt saw that ugly platter and thought it was fabulous, that you would love it and that it was incredibly underpriced to boot My mom has a habit of falling in love with, purchasing and giving bad gifts, so I have some sympathy for your aunt. My mom would buy something like that and then be REALLY excited to give it to. Just be happy you don't have to deal with things like gold-plated SILVERware and neon colored clothing at Christmas

Have a wonderful wedding! Can't wait to hear your reviews.

Re: michele31

That stinks but unfortunately that's how it goes sometimes. People give strange things as gifts. I don't get it.

My friend's boss owns the investment banking firm he worked for at the time and the boss also owns a vineyard in LI and gave no present. Said he forgot the card. Two years later and still no gift. We make fun of him all the time...the cheapskate. (My friend no longer works there.)

Re: am i being ungrateful or would you be upset too?

It's so funny what the concensus says because my mother and I were just saying that last night! I am sort of involved in the planning of my shower, which I'm cool with. My MOH comes from a very rich family. She works for a not-for-profit, so her salary probably is not that big. However, mommy and daddy buy her EVERYTHING! Her salary is her play money. Well, she said that she can't afford to throw my shower so my mother is doing it! My FH scoffed when I told him this b/c he feels that the money is there but she doesn't want to spend it.

I feel terrible about this! My parents are paying for most of my wedding and I know things are tight. They are doing that so FH and I can buy a home (which we should be going to contract on this week!). Now this shower is an extra expense! My mother says she doesn't mind and I believe her. My mother is quite happy to be able to plan everything just the way she wants it. My mother told me that my MOH was trying to talk her out of extra things for the shower, like extra soda, etc.

So last night we were just talking about how the richest people are sometimes not big gift givers. But no two people are the same. I've met some very giving people from my MOH's very upper class town.

Melissa27, my experience was similar to yours with the engagement gifts I received from them. In my case, I've been friends with my MOH for years now and I don't let it bother me. If my mother's ok with it then I will have to be.

Re: michele31

Here's one for you-- for my 1st wedding, my sister and her husband were away on business in Puerto Rico, but sent their 4 kids to the wedding anyway. Tehy never really asked anyone in particular to watch the kids at the wedding, and it fell to one of my sister in laws, who took the kids home before the reception ended, but after dinner and some dancing and cake. Anyway, we of coarse paid for the 4 dinners and they ate. The gift we received was 60.00, and that is from family... It is best not to expect too much. By the way, they are very well off, so I guess it falls into that saying about the rich that had been mentioned...

Re: michele31

Unfortunately, I feel your pain! I have a family member that is like that - by far the wealthiest in our family, lived in the nicest areas of LI and NYC, had everything they could have ever wanted, and they are also by far the cheapest in our group! LOL

The ones who don't have the extra money are the ones who get the nicer gifts in my family...maybe because they appreciate it more and know how it feels?

My piece

Can I just tell you that my hubby is #11 of 11 kids and 6 of them attended the wedding. We got a clock from one...which I truly love and lasagne dish from one. Now we were not expecting anything special, but why did I feel like the Lasagne dish was a re-gift I am about to re-wrap that baby and give it right back to his sister as a Christmas present.

Yesterday after going thru all the cards and gifts we received, I turned to my hubby and I said darling...I did not see any cards or gift from your family. I think I hurt his feelings.... It was a true surprise for me, but I should not have been b/c their actions up to this point have been nothing but weird. Weddings do not change who people are.

We cannot let how people act or behave make us get all worked up. I have to agree with the above poster....expect nothing and you will not be disappointed. I understand how you feel tho' Melissa, if no one else comes to the party and brings you anything at least you can always count on your family...I guess in our case...NOT!!!

Stay blessed sweetie...it will all work out in the end. You are about to marry the man you love. With or without gifts it will be wonderful

bad taste...

...in my mouth from this thread! Ladies, I don't agree that it's fair to measure the value of someone's gift based on how wealthy you perceive the people to be. No one truly knows anyone else's financial situation! Regarless of how many houses and cars someone owns, you never know the real deal - the people could be in hock up to their eyeballs! Is it your business? NO!

Also, someone's choice of a gift should not be ripped to shreds. Melissa, at least the aunt was courteous enough to include a gift receipt so that you could return the gift if you didn't like it. Also, lots of times when you return something to the store, if the item has gone on sale since the original purchase date, you are only refunded the CURRENT sale price, not the original price that it may have been purchased for. In reality, the serving platter may have been a lot more $$, but why is that so important??

As brides, you all should be grateful for any gift that you are given, and be happy that someone thought to wish you and your groom well.
I have to say, I am disappointed to hear how all of you think of your guests and the gifts that you are given. That includes the other thread about how much to give at a wedding!

I don't mean to be on a soapbox, but I am floored by the overwhelming majority of you who seem to judge your relatives and friends by how much money they are spending on you. That is so unfair to your loved ones! Whatever happened to It's the thought that counts!

Re: bad taste...

Melissa,

I hear your pain girlfriend! But hey, I was at my friend's wedding and her FMI gave her...are you ready for this one...no joke now.....as a bridal shower gift..... Toilet paper (4 pack, woo-hoo), 2 cans of Cambell's soup, cleaners (toilet cleaner, ajax, etc...) sponges and some other household supplies...she did her shopping at the grocery store!!!! This woman also has $!!! So your gift was at least worth that much, it could have been worse!!!