So last thursday the fh's grandfather passed away and it was extremely sad. FH was very close with all of his grandparents. His grandma passed in August and now his grandpa. Clearly, our closest friends knew what happened. Two of them - who are bridesmaids - did not acknowledge it- they only texted me back 'aww i'm sorry' - they didn't come to the wake (they both live within ten minutes of the funeral home and I had sent everyone the information) THey didn't even call or text to see how anyone was doing. The other members of our bridal party, which does include friends, came to the wake and the funeral AND have even sent baskets to the FH's parent's house. It's been almost a week and I haven't heard from them. FH is also upset by it and he really doesn't get upset by other people generally. Am I wrong to be both angry and saddened by these two BM's? What should I do?
GiannisWifey
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Re: Am I overreacting?
I have learned that you can't expect anything from anyone........what you or I might do, knowing what is right and wrong, is not something others may realize. I totally agree and they could have atleast made an attempt at something, whether goign to the funeral, sending a card/basket/anything.......at the same time, people don't surprise me anymore. I am way too nice and go out of my way for people that i care about and sometimes, when its not returned, I just realize that not everyone is like me and will do what I do for others.
I am sorry for your FH's loss!
FallBride2010
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Re: Am I overreacting?
Do they know FH's grandfather? I'll be honest, I dont think my best friends would come to FH's grandfather's funeral since they have never met him. His parents yes...but most likely not a grandparent they never knew.
I wouldnt get that mad. Maybe they didnt know it was the right thing to do. Some people get very strange when it comes to funerals.
I am so sorry for your loss!
ourwedding9510
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Re: Am I overreacting?
Even though my BMs S*CK and the SECOND I say something to them when I'm upset about something is beside the point I'm about to say. I am a STRONG believer that if someone is in your BP then they are SUPER close to you and FH, at least you. So since they are that close to you then say something to them. Maybe they don't feel comfortable going to wakes or they have a reason why they didn't send a basket. MY BMs like to jump down my throat before even asking me about something so being on the other side of the yelling forever, I would suggest talking to them and hearing what they have to say and reasons they might give.
BTW, sorry to hear about FH's looses!
AngnShaun
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Re: Am I overreacting?
Posted by FallBride2010
Do they know FH's grandfather? I'll be honest, I dont think my best friends would come to FH's grandfather's funeral since they have never met him. His parents yes...but most likely not a grandparent they never knew.
I wouldnt get that mad. Maybe they didnt know it was the right thing to do. Some people get very strange when it comes to funerals.
I am so sorry for your loss!
i agree...
SoontobeMrs.Brown
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Re: Am I overreacting?
Not wrong at all .. Id be mad too. I would say something to them. If you dont you'll only resent them more. Not sure theres anything they can say to make it up but at least you'll get it off your chest... Im sorry .. that stinks!
ourwedding9510
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Re: Am I overreacting?
Posted by GiannisWifey
I have learned that you can't expect anything from anyone........what you or I might do, knowing what is right and wrong, is not something others may realize. I totally agree and they could have atleast made an attempt at something, whether goign to the funeral, sending a card/basket/anything.......at the same time, people don't surprise me anymore. I am way too nice and go out of my way for people that i care about and sometimes, when its not returned, I just realize that not everyone is like me and will do what I do for others.
I am sorry for your FH's loss!
OMG! I said the same thing 2 days ago!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
elp6421
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Re: Am I overreacting?
When my grandparents passed non of my friends came. Honestly, to me I think a time like that is a very private time. So I would not be upset with your BM, different people reacti differntly to these types of situations.
Diana508
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Re: Am I overreacting?
If they're YOUR friends and not really both of your friends and didn't know the grandfather, then I don't think you should be upset.
If someone in FH's family passed away, I wouldn't expect my girls to go...his friends, yes, but not his girls. I agree that some people think it's a private time for the family.
JLWSJC
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Re: Am I overreacting?
I agree with Diana508 and FallBride2010
My friends didn't even come to my own grandfather's wake.. and it didn't upset me at all. I knew they were there for me otherwise if I needed them. I certainly wouldn't expect them to be at FH's grandparents wake, even though we're all friends by this point...
I also agree that it's a lot to expect if they didn't know the man. . . so they may not have thought about sending something because of that... I'ms ure they would have been more diligent if they knew the person.
A lof of people in their 20's haven't had to deal with death yet, also, and they don't know the etiquette or the customs... or are uncomfortable with them...
My advice is to let is slide. And don't talk them down to FH and get him more upset. Sometimes when your emotions are already running high it's difficult to keep things in perspective...I don't think this should be the focus of his attention right now... he mourning his grandfather.. and so are you! And I'm sorry for your loss
soontobecruz
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Re: Am I overreacting?
Posted by AngnShaun
Posted by FallBride2010
Do they know FH's grandfather? I'll be honest, I dont think my best friends would come to FH's grandfather's funeral since they have never met him. His parents yes...but most likely not a grandparent they never knew.
I wouldnt get that mad. Maybe they didnt know it was the right thing to do. Some people get very strange when it comes to funerals.
I am so sorry for your loss!
i agree...
I agree as well... honestly I wouldn't go to one of my friends, boyfriends gradfather's funeral. I would call and ask how they were doing but I wouldn't go, I don't really think there is a need for it. If they did it would be sweet but certainly not necessary.
Iluvpoodles
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Re: Am I overreacting?
Posted by FallBride2010
Do they know FH's grandfather? I'll be honest, I dont think my best friends would come to FH's grandfather's funeral since they have never met him. His parents yes...but most likely not a grandparent they never knew.
I wouldnt get that mad. Maybe they didnt know it was the right thing to do. Some people get very strange when it comes to funerals.
I am so sorry for your loss!
I agree. At first I thought you meant it was your grandpa, then I was going to totally agree. But if they don't know his grandpa or never met him I wouldn't expect them to come. Are they close with your FH? I mean my BM's don't spend alot of time with my FH, so I wouldn't expect them to go, even his parents. But I guess if your BM's are really close with FH as well, then I can understand.
Edit: When my grandma died, FH's best man, whom I'm also friendly with, attended the wake, which was really nice of them. He never met her. But if they didn't, I wouldn't have been offended..
Lovebug2016
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Re: Am I overreacting?
Posted by GiannisWifey
I have learned that you can't expect anything from anyone........what you or I might do, knowing what is right and wrong, is not something others may realize. I totally agree and they could have atleast made an attempt at something, whether goign to the funeral, sending a card/basket/anything.......at the same time, people don't surprise me anymore. I am way too nice and go out of my way for people that i care about and sometimes, when its not returned, I just realize that not everyone is like me and will do what I do for others.
I am sorry for your FH's loss!
Couldnt have said it any better!
Only thing I would suggest is to bring it up to them that your hurt at least clear the air with them.
BriansWifey
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Re: Am I overreacting?
im so sorry for your fh's loss.
i dont think many bm's would come to dh's grandparents wake honestly. some of them havent even met them... so i would be shocked to see em show up....
cleokizzy
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Re: Am I overreacting?
Posted by JLWSJC
I agree with Diana508 and FallBride2010
My friends didn't even come to my own grandfather's wake.. and it didn't upset me at all. I knew they were there for me otherwise if I needed them. I certainly wouldn't expect them to be at FH's grandparents wake, even though we're all friends by this point...
I also agree that it's a lot to expect if they didn't know the man. . . so they may not have thought about sending something because of that... I'ms ure they would have been more diligent if they knew the person.
A lof of people in their 20's haven't had to deal with death yet, also, and they don't know the etiquette or the customs... or are uncomfortable with them...
My advice is to let is slide. And don't talk them down to FH and get him more upset. Sometimes when your emotions are already running high it's difficult to keep things in perspective...I don't think this should be the focus of his attention right now... he mourning his grandfather.. and so are you! And I'm sorry for your loss
ITA!!!
just also wanted to add - there are people who just don't like to attend wakes. *ahem* like me. it's not that i'm afraid of the body but i've never really wanted to go in a funeral home. (yeah. i guess i''m weird)
SoonToBeMrsCampos
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Re: Am I overreacting?
Posted by elp6421
When my grandparents passed non of my friends came. Honestly, to me I think a time like that is a very private time. So I would not be upset with your BM, different people reacti differntly to these types of situations.
I completely agree. Everyone views death differently. And also may not know proper etiquette in this situation. I wouldn't expect any of my friends to go if it were me.
