I didn't include my FSIL in my bridal party. I have nothing against her and I love her to death but my grandmother told me that you couldn't have married women on your bridal party. At the time I had no one to talk to about this so I took her word. None of my friends are married so they weren't any help either and I never been to a wedding. Now I know that it doesn't matter. The girls in my BP are friends who have been there for me when times were tough and for my happy times too.
I think she was disappointed but she never said anything to me or FH. Everyone who I tell that FSIL isn't in my bridal party acts like Im committing a cardinal sin or something telling me what I did was wrong. We asked her to do a reading at church so she could be included in the wedding. Today my co-worker made me feel like crap by saying how could I do such a thing? That if she was my FSIL she wouldn't bother coming to my wedding. So now I feel worse. Ugh please tell me Im not alone here...
roan126
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Re: Am I the only one????
Hmm...its not too late to ask her. Do you think she'd be offended if you asked her now? You still have some time before the wedding.
Espo22
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Re: Am I the only one????
Posted by roan126
Hmm...its not too late to ask her. Do you think she'd be offended if you asked her now? You still have some time before the wedding.
i agree, say that you didn't know if she would want to do it but the more you think about it the more you realize that you want her to be part of your bridal party
mathteach
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Re: Am I the only one????
This was actually a big debate between me and FH. Our situation may be different though. His sis lives in Cali and she is much older and they only talk at holidays. But it was if it was a cardinal sin. So I asked her just to shut everyone up, and she was surprised. She didn't think it was a big deal for me not to ask her. Maybe your FSIL feels the same way. Have you asked HER how she felt about it?
RisiLeigh
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Re: Am I the only one????
I WISH I didn't have my FSILs in my wedding LOL! I know, that's mean, sorry!!!
Is it too late to ask her to be in your BP now? How about the groomsmen - are they all single or are some married?
PreshusSmurf
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Re: Am I the only one????
Almost all of my BMs were married, 2 of them were even pregnant with their 2nd child at the time of my wedding ...
I don't know if your Grandmother is incorrect ... or just really really really really really old fashioned.
Your wedding isn't until October ... you still have time to ask her if you want to. BM / GM don't have to be in even numbers in the wedding party if you don't have another GM to ask. There's still plenty of time to order her dress, if you've ordered your other girls dresses already.
Just tell her what you told us about your Grandmother and lack of previous experience with weddings ... and that it would really mean a lot to you to have her as a BM, if she would accept.
That is, if you do want her to be in the bridal party?
cmjd
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Re: Am I the only one????
Could you explain to her what you just explained to us? Im sure she would understand. I wouldnt just let it go without saying anything. Couldnt you add her to the BP now? Im not saying your right of wrong but i jsut knwo that my FSIL would be devastated so you jsut want to make sure you dont hurt her feelings thats all.
FtrMrsV
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Re: Am I the only one????
Well I thought about asking her now but Im concerned because she knows I ordered the BM dresses because FH told her. I don't know what she is going to think if I ask her now.
angl2001
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Re: Am I the only one????
you still have planty of time...tell her what you were told and didnt know better then.......and tell her you really want her to be involved! I am sure she would be very happy!
mathteach
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Re: Am I the only one????
Posted by FtrMrsV
Well I thought about asking her now but Im concerned because she knows I ordered the BM dresses because FH told her. I don't know what she is going to think if I ask her now.
Mine ordered hers later. Just talk to her about it.
bella1028
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Re: Am I the only one????
i would ask her...it is not too late and i think explaining that you had no prior knowledge and took your grandmothers word would be fine....if she is nice, she might appreciate your honesty
FtrMrsV
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Re: Am I the only one????
At the time no one in my BP was married. But one of FH groomsmen eloped out of no where so he is the only one.
I know my grandmother is old fashion but I even asked my mom and she was like nope you cant have married women in your BP. So dumb me said ok
I know she was upset because when someone asked me who was in my BP she said oh I wasn't there to hold her hair when she threw up in the bathroom. That really bothered me and FH said she was just joking.
I want to ask her but I don't know if she will say yes or take it as an insult that im asking her six months before the wedding
lyss0908
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Re: Am I the only one????
Hi date twin! I would say if it is really bothering you, to ask her now before it is too late. You can always explain to her what you just explained to us and I am sure she would understand. i personally think it is easier to ask than to deal with the possible resentment later. Good luck!
PreshusSmurf
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Re: Am I the only one????
Posted by FtrMrsV I know she was upset because when someone asked me who was in my BP she said oh I wasn't there to hold her hair when she threw up in the bathroom. That really bothered me and FH said she was just joking.
Sometimes I think even when people make jokes, there is a hint of truth in them ... or at least an insight into how they are feeling or what they are thinking. So, while she was joking, I think it could mean that she has thought about it before and she came to that conclusion because its only your friends in the BP instead of family members.
Posted by FtrMrsV I want to ask her but I don't know if she will say yes or take it as an insult that im asking her six months before the wedding
You'll never know unless you ask her Its better to put yourself out there and be honest with her (even if she says no) than to always wonder 'what if', ya know?
bluegreen08
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Re: Am I the only one????
i would tell her the truth, that you would have asked her but you were told you couldnt have married ladies in your bridal party and didnt know any better so you followed that.
tell her you really want her to be a bridesmaid and see what she says
BunnyBears
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Re: Am I the only one????
i know many people do not think its necessary to have your fiance's siblings in the bridal party but i see it as if his sister was a male its very likely he would be on fh's bridal party. i see the bridal party as 'one' and not as 'sides.' i also dont think it needs to be gender divided, for example i see nothing wrong with his sister being on the groom's 'side.' but everyone is different.
if you want her in it its really not too late especially since u have a reason u did not asks sooner. i asked my brother's gh ( soon to be fiance) to be in my bridal party 6 months before wedding and she was thrilled. i explained to her the truth of why she was not asked sooner.. (long story...)
good luck ..
wundmoretime
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Re: Am I the only one????
Are you close to her? I don't think being FSIL is a reason to have her in the party. If you have a relationship, then yes, but not out of committment. Do you have siblings? Are all other siblings in the party-for both sides? If she is the only one left out, then that is wrong. I have 2 FSIL and one brother's girlfriend. FH has only 3 brothers. All the brothers are in the party and FH Best friend. I have a twin sister who is in. My brother can't commit (I understand). I have 1 of the 3 girls in my party, but not the 2 FSIL. I am close with the one that is in. We do things together more often, email and chat frequently. Do you have someone to pair her with? It is not too late to get the dress. Mine got ordered at different times and 2 are going this weekend.
chrispar
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Re: Am I the only one????
Honestly if it is bothering you I would ask her. You still have some time. I put both of my FSIL in the wedding party. I am very close with one and not really close with the other at all but I didn't want to just put n in. I say ask her and see what happens. Good Luck!
MrsD71208
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Re: Am I the only one????
Married women aren't allowed?? That's why they have maid and matron of honors! lol I have a matron of honor and FSIL (also married) in my BP. I'd let her know that you just found out that this is a false fact and that you'd like her to be a part of your BP....that should be fine.
jtgarsik
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Re: Am I the only one????
Posted by FtrMrsV
Well I thought about asking her now but Im concerned because she knows I ordered the BM dresses because FH told her. I don't know what she is going to think if I ask her now.
sorry - newlywed crashing. of course there are no 'rules' when planning..BUT if u 'love her to death' and u know she's hurt, AND you'd like to have her be a part of ur wedding, you need to talk to her about it...in all honesty if u just ask her without addressing anything - she probably will be insulted..i know i would find it a little wierd.. so you need to talk & explain the situation and why you thought u couldn't have her in it..if u tell her exactly what you just told us - i'm SURE she'll understand...she may even just laugh about it ya know??? but i wouldn't let to much time go by.... nip it in the bud now ...good luck!
