I'm so worried because I know this is going to be an issue...
So there has been a lot of drama surrounding FSIL choosing a wedding date, since we are both getting married Spring/Summer '10...she got engaged first so she felt like we should not get married in 2010 at all...it was a whole big thing. Finally we settled on July 18th and I was just told today that the settled on May 15th. For the purposes of this post, its important to note that they are getting married in London.
So they picked a date and everything is great, right? Oh how I wish...I'm starting grad school in the fall...I just looked up the calender for the spring 2010 semester and finals week is from may 10-15. I'm almost positive this means that I absolutely cannot go to FSIL's wedding, it being in another country and all. I am SO worried that she is going to take this as a snub...even though I am not the one that schedules the finals, I'm betting that she would expect me to get on a plane on Friday to be at her wedding on Saturday...I'm really not doing this. As it stands, even if my finals end earlier in the week I don't think I'll be going, seeing as we are planning a wedding and can't really afford to spring for a round-trip ticket to London that we wouldn't be able to even book until at least Feburary (FIL's are paying for FH and FSD to go, so we're only responsible for my ticket).
Am I wrong for taking my stand this way?? Really its more thank likely that I won't be able to go for school reasons but the financial ones are just as legit...but she is my FSIL. For the record I'm pretty sure she doesn't like me all that much and since she's caused FH and I a lot of strife she's not exactly up there on the 'people I like' list...
Sorry this got so long, thanks in advance..and don't be worried to tell me that I'm wrong, if I am I need to hear it!
mrsdraskin2009
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She will just have to suck it up and deal like a big girl because something like finals is HUGE and she cannot expect you to skip that, esp in grad school, for her wedding!
Its2Snappy
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Honestly, I would probably go to the wedding. I would get on the plane on Friday night if I had to, but that is me. I'm a frequent flyer and have a great relationship with my FSIL.
In your case, I'd understand not wanting to go, but remember that she is going to be a part of you and FH's lives. It may be easier to jump through some hoops for a few days, then have to hear about how you didn't go to the wedding for the next XX years.
Please do what is best for you and FH, however, and take my opinion with a grain of salt.
kris_gets_hitched
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If it were me, I'd probably go...if only to NOT have to hear about it for the rest of my life. Of course, if it actually conflicts with a scheduled final exam, that's a different story. But if you could just suck it up and deal with a couple of frantic days/not much sleep, then I'd say to just go.
Have you ever been to London? If not, maybe look on the bright side of it and figure, 'whatever, I'll go to the wedding, and the days after I'm treating myself to (fill in something that you've really wanted to see there)', you know? As a treat for dealing with FSIL and for finishing up your semester.
MarjorieFrank
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I don't think your school will be interfering with the wedding if it is on a Saturday, especially if the finals end earlier in the week. I do think your financial concerns are more legit. This is a tough situation because she is your FSIL and will be in your life forever. I think not going to the wedding will cause a lot of bad blood that you don't need anytime but especially not right before your own wedding! It s u c ks because I would be stressing about paying for the plane ticket so close to my wedding. I think the consequences are not going to be so good though. Sorry I am not much help
MikesBride2B
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Posted by kris_gets_hitched
If it were me, I'd probably go...if only to NOT have to hear about it for the rest of my life. Of course, if it actually conflicts with a scheduled final exam, that's a different story. But if you could just suck it up and deal with a couple of frantic days/not much sleep, then I'd say to just go.
Have you ever been to London? If not, maybe look on the bright side of it and figure, 'whatever, I'll go to the wedding, and the days after I'm treating myself to (fill in something that you've really wanted to see there)', you know? As a treat for dealing with FSIL and for finishing up your semester.
I actually have been to London...and while I liked it, its definitely not somewhere I ever planned on going again lol. Also its not like we can stay for an extended period of time because FSD will need to go back right away so she doesn't miss too much school.
stinenandy2010
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If it was me, i would probably go. However, when the semester started, I would speak to my professors about the circumstance. Usually professors are understanding with stuff like that so you may be able to take your finals a few days earlier.
mariedsgn
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I would go to the wedding - your FSIL will be considered your family, even though you have problems now, you don't want them to continue for the rest of your life because you did not go to her wedding - Maybe talk to you professors the first few weeks of school to see if you can take the finals before you leave for the wedding. . . . jmo.
kris_gets_hitched
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Ah-ha, gotcha.
You'll find out in the beginning of the semester when your finals occur, right? I would just not stress it for now, and use the time (you're looking at a year here) to weigh your options.
Jayla127
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JMO! I would try my best to go since like the girls stated you will be in the family for years to come. Even though, you think she doesn't like you don't let that bother you. You should be the better person and show her it really doesn't affect you how she feels about you. I would definitely let them know now that it may be a possibility that you might be unable to attend her wedding. This way you have it covered in case they want to make something out of it.
Relish21
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Maybe your finals can be taken a few days earlier if you need to? Is FH gonna be upset if you don't go?
I'd be more concerned about his feelings. If she's a bi-otch.... and he doesn't mind if you decide not to go ...than I say stay home.
NanandEric08
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I would probably try to make it as hard as its going to be. Even though she hasn't been the best to you, I feel like it would be good for you and FH is you went, and also, it will show you made the effort for her so she has nothing to really say!
GR2010
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I understand where you are coming from... if grad school is the reason I would talk to your professors early on in the semester, explain your situation and see if they will work with you. I am in the middle of my MBA and I have had numerous professors work with me on dates for exams and so on... if the reason is really financial then that is a different story. If you can't, you can't. I would talk with FH and see what he says about the cost of the ticket/hotel. It may mean more to him if you do go. I CAN'T STAND my FBIL but for FH's sake I deal with him (try to deal with him).
I know you guys don't get along but at least if you go it doesn't give her anything to fuel the fire with and you get to see London. I wouldn't be happy about going either (I'm even annoyed that FBIL is FH's best man - a long story) but this way you have no regrets down the road should you two ever mend your relationship and then she can't cause any drama for your weddings.
SummerBride10
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Unless she's 100% self centered- she should understand the situation.
bubberflys
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I would talk to the professors in the beginning of the semester and make every attempt to go. But I love my FSIL, more so than my own sister.
If you truly can't go, I would be honest with her and she should understand. After all, it is a destination wedding and she can't expect everyone to make it.
Just a side note: my best friend's wedding was Dec 14th, smack in the middle of HER finals, and she didn't even think of it when they started planning.. She spoke to the teachers 1st day of class and was able to take the finals a few days early.
FuTuRe MrS MaZz
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Are you even positive you will have a final on the 15th? I know lots of times I didnt have them on the very last day... Even if you did, if it was in the morning/early afternoon, I'd still jump on a plane fotr the evening and get there... and then maybe stay until mon/tues to get a longer weekend in... The only thing bad about it being on that day would be me being preoccupied with going away that i would have trouble focusing on a final that thday.... Other than that, I dont see it being a huge deal...
emc282rjm
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If you know in the beginning of the semester, you might be able to talk to the professor about it if there's a conflict. My sister was supposed to take a final on the day I graduated from college, and she spoke to her professor and she let her take it when she got back from NY. For the purposes of explaining it to your professor I might call her my sister instead of your FSIL, but he/she would probably be pretty understanding.
MikesBride2B
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Ugh, you girls are right...I just don't want to go all out of my way for her, especially since she's caused SO much drama for us...basically the whole reason we wanted to get married next summer is because my grents are in poor health and can only make it up from Florida during the summer months (this summer was too soon)...FSIL FLIPPPPPPPPED and basically tried to tell us that we couldn't get married until 2011...its hard for me to justify rearranging things for her when she didn't even care that if we waited there was a really decent chance that my grandparents would not see me get married.
kris_gets_hitched
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Posted by MikesBride2B
Ugh, you girls are right...I just don't want to go all out of my way for her, especially since she's caused SO much drama for us...basically the whole reason we wanted to get married next summer is because my grents are in poor health and can only make it up from Florida during the summer months (this summer was too soon)...FSIL FLIPPPPPPPPED and basically tried to tell us that we couldn't get married until 2011...its hard for me to justify rearranging things for her when she didn't even care that if we waited there was a really decent chance that my grandparents would not see me get married.
She sounds like a real twit. Don't feel like you're going out of the way for her - you're doing this for your FH because he's so important to you. Everyone on here has some kind of nightmare FIL along the line - be happy that your's is your FSIL and not your FMIL, as is the case with me! You can be the bigger person here and go along, if your final exam schedule and $$$ permits it. Would you rather deal with it for a few days or have to hear her wail about it forever and ever and ever?
cateydee
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what does your FH say?
You're not wrong in thinking what you're thinking- i feel you because i had a similar situation. but even tho i probably would do all i could to NOT go, it definitly makes you look like the bigger person if you do. good luck!
