I'm so worried because I know this is going to be an issue...
So there has been a lot of drama surrounding FSIL choosing a wedding date, since we are both getting married Spring/Summer '10...she got engaged first so she felt like we should not get married in 2010 at all...it was a whole big thing. Finally we settled on July 18th and I was just told today that the settled on May 15th. For the purposes of this post, its important to note that they are getting married in London.
So they picked a date and everything is great, right? Oh how I wish...I'm starting grad school in the fall...I just looked up the calender for the spring 2010 semester and finals week is from may 10-15. I'm almost positive this means that I absolutely cannot go to FSIL's wedding, it being in another country and all. I am SO worried that she is going to take this as a snub...even though I am not the one that schedules the finals, I'm betting that she would expect me to get on a plane on Friday to be at her wedding on Saturday...I'm really not doing this. As it stands, even if my finals end earlier in the week I don't think I'll be going, seeing as we are planning a wedding and can't really afford to spring for a round-trip ticket to London that we wouldn't be able to even book until at least Feburary (FIL's are paying for FH and FSD to go, so we're only responsible for my ticket).
Am I wrong for taking my stand this way?? Really its more thank likely that I won't be able to go for school reasons but the financial ones are just as legit...but she is my FSIL. For the record I'm pretty sure she doesn't like me all that much and since she's caused FH and I a lot of strife she's not exactly up there on the 'people I like' list...
Sorry this got so long, thanks in advance..and don't be worried to tell me that I'm wrong, if I am I need to hear it!
MikesBride2B
Posted:
Member since
Re: Am I wrong?
Posted by cateydee
what does your FH say?
You're not wrong in thinking what you're thinking- i feel you because i had a similar situation. but even tho i probably would do all i could to NOT go, it definitly makes you look like the bigger person if you do. good luck!
FH wants me to go...he says at least by the merit that he should never have to go stag to a wedding again...I just...ugggggggh...I'm dammed if I do and I'm dammed if I don't I think. But if I don't I at least get to be comfy in my own home instead of in dreary London at a wedding for someone I don't like
JAAMS
Posted:
Member since
Re: Am I wrong?
I would try your hardest to try and go. Financial concerns are def legit, and if it was someone else I would say just don't. But if you can, I think it would be a good idea since she will be forever intertwined with your life.
As for school, Finals Week in Grad School is weird. It may not interfere at all. I don't know where you're going, but if you're going to Hofstra by any chance, you probably aren't going to have ANY finals that Friday.
Also, what's your field? If it's final papers - as opposed to exams - you could just turn them in early.
MikesBride2B
Posted:
Member since
Re: Am I wrong?
I'll be at Hofstra....nooooo I really want an excuse to not go!! I'll be in the M.S.Ed. in Rehabilitation Counseling...ugh I hope there's some reason i can't go, this wedding keeps getting worse and worse...its 2 1/2 hours outside of London and its apparently a 12 hour affair...wth are we gonna do for 12 hours?? Darn it all..
kris_gets_hitched
Posted:
Member since
Re: Am I wrong?
Posted by MikesBride2B
I'll be at Hofstra....nooooo I really want an excuse to not go!! I'll be in the M.S.Ed. in Rehabilitation Counseling...ugh I hope there's some reason i can't go, this wedding keeps getting worse and worse...its 2 1/2 hours outside of London and its apparently a 12 hour affair...wth are we gonna do for 12 hours?? Darn it all..
I dont' know I honestly think you should try to make it to the wedding - this is your family now...
JAAMS
Posted:
Member since
Re: Am I wrong?
Posted by MikesBride2B
I'll be at Hofstra....nooooo I really want an excuse to not go!! I'll be in the M.S.Ed. in Rehabilitation Counseling...ugh I hope there's some reason i can't go, this wedding keeps getting worse and worse...its 2 1/2 hours outside of London and its apparently a 12 hour affair...wth are we gonna do for 12 hours?? Darn it all..
Hofstra for the most part (or at all) doesn't hold Grad classes on Fridays, so I'd say you have like a 99 percent chance of not having a final that day.
12 hours?!?! my goodness... hope there's lots of booze!
JAAMS
Posted:
Member since
Re: Am I wrong?
BTW not related but:
If you're ever wandering around Hofstra, let me know! We can meet up; I'm like ALWAYS there.
megan_gallagher
Posted:
Member since
Re: Am I wrong?
Posted by Its2Snappy
Honestly, I would probably go to the wedding. I would get on the plane on Friday night if I had to, but that is me. I'm a frequent flyer and have a great relationship with my FSIL.
In your case, I'd understand not wanting to go, but remember that she is going to be a part of you and FH's lives. It may be easier to jump through some hoops for a few days, then have to hear about how you didn't go to the wedding for the next XX years.
Please do what is best for you and FH, however, and take my opinion with a grain of salt.
ITA!
christine2010
Posted:
Member since
Re: Am I wrong?
just to keep peace if it was me in this situation i would go to the wedding. otherwise no one will ever let you forget. i have a SIL and i know that if i am not there for every little thing i will hear about it. also u can ask professors if you can take exams earlier. many people in my classes had to take finals during the last class because they already had travel plans. most professors understand these types of situations.
MikesBride2B
Posted:
Member since
Re: Am I wrong?
Posted by JAAMS
BTW not related but:
If you're ever wandering around Hofstra, let me know! We can meet up; I'm like ALWAYS there.
I def will, I'll definitely be there starting next semester...I'm actually going today, but only to drop off a recommendation form to one of my undergrad professors (yeah I'm Hofstra undergrad too...I couldn't get away haha)
Soon2bMrsH
Posted:
Member since
Re: Am I wrong?
honeslty, i agree with all the other posters. i would go. you may dread going but you may end up having a great time, you never know. Your part of the family and you really really dont want to have this underlying issue held over your head for forever. Be the bigger and better person. And im sure your professors will understand about final exams/papers and what not. and money is money and things come up that you cant help. put it on your credit card and get some points, as well as frequent flyer miles and enjoy yourself! turn that frown upside down
JAAMS
Posted:
Member since
Re: Am I wrong?
Posted by MikesBride2B
Posted by JAAMS
BTW not related but:
If you're ever wandering around Hofstra, let me know! We can meet up; I'm like ALWAYS there.
I def will, I'll definitely be there starting next semester...I'm actually going today, but only to drop off a recommendation form to one of my undergrad professors (yeah I'm Hofstra undergrad too...I couldn't get away haha)
Haha yeppp same here.. Hofstra undergrad & now grad. Woohooo
I'll be there today too, talking to a supervisor about summer employment. woOohoooX2
jcreilly
Posted:
Member since
Re: Am I wrong?
I would go to the wedding as long as your finals are over! Because you don't want any drama at your own wedding with any of your FILS and for years to come! I would get on the plane Friday and go!
Nina1010
Posted:
Member since
Re: Am I wrong?
Posted by Its2Snappy
Honestly, I would probably go to the wedding. I would get on the plane on Friday night if I had to, but that is me. I'm a frequent flyer and have a great relationship with my FSIL.
In your case, I'd understand not wanting to go, but remember that she is going to be a part of you and FH's lives. It may be easier to jump through some hoops for a few days, then have to hear about how you didn't go to the wedding for the next XX years.
Please do what is best for you and FH, however, and take my opinion with a grain of salt.
IA....I would go too. If money isn't a factor. Its really hard, but if she is aware of all that you're going through than maybe she'd appreciate it a lot more. It may not be worth the drama it can cause if you don't attend.
MrsCM
Posted:
Member since
Re: Am I wrong?
She knows when your finals are and that's when her wedding is so she has to deal with that because that's the date she picked. Also, you and your FH are a unit now. He can go on your behalf! If he didn't go just for no good reason then that would be a snub.
FallBride2010
Posted:
Member since
Re: Am I wrong?
Unless she did something really, really mean to you...I would go. See if yo can take your final early...most times you can. For FH's sake, I would go
MCA1180
Posted:
Member since
Re: Am I wrong?
crashing.. but if it were me, I would totally be the bigger person and just go... like it or not, she's your family now... and I'm sure it would mean alot to your fh if you put your ill-feelings towards his sister aside... she sounds like a real piece of work, but if you don't go, believe me you will never hear the end of it... for the rest of your life...
AdriandSteve
Posted:
Member since
Re: Am I wrong?
If i had a final on friday i wouldn't go obv. Or if i had a paper due that following week after finals weeks (which sometimes happens) i wouldn't go.
But... if finals were thursday or earlier in the week i'd go. If it was just a friend i'd say no... but since it is a immediate family member then yes, i'd go.
Is FH going regardless of if you go?
MikesBride2B
Posted:
Member since
Re: Am I wrong?
FH is absolutely going no matter what...FSD is in the wedding, and its his sister, so he'll be there.
