Am i wrong to feel this way?

Original post by luvabul

May 10, 2007 12:10 AM

My wedding is in less than 2 months... and im super excited.
until ...........

i found out FH brother wants to propose to his GF within the next month

i know i probably sound really stupid but for some reason its TOTALLY bothering me.... i mean he cant wait 54 more days? and do it AFTER my wedding...

His sister is coming June 10th next month... and he wants to have a big family bbq, etc so the families meet first, and than another one when he proposes... etc etc...

im really close to FH's brother.... he's been with this girl less than a year ... but anyways thats not my problem...im just so sad about the timing he thinking of doing it...

all the spotlight and attention will be taken off OF ME...i feel , yeah that may sound bratty but ive spent 2 years planning and trying to make everything perfect...only so everyone can be busy with the NEXT new daughter in law .... and busy congratulating them etc....

and to top it all off.... when Adam [my FH] told FMIL he wanted to get married she was no where near excited... and now that FBIL wants to propose to a girl shes NEVER even met ...she just seems so thrilled, thats all she ever tells her friends...but in the meantime she barely wants to acknowledge that her other son is getting married too..? i feel BITTER... and UPSET..

theres nothing i can do... i just dont wana feel this way

EDIT:
FBIL thinks its a perfect time because family from all over Cali, Chicago, Europe, is coming down just for OUR wedding, and he thinks they can meet his GF too and he can do the proposal since all the relatives are in town..... in his mind hes right, but im so bothered!
and FH doesnt care! he's like so what..

and now i dont feel like mentioning anything because i will look immature/jealous

its SO upsetting... like what else can possibly happen? ???

As soon as FH i got engaged, 2 weeks later FSIL announced she was pregnant... than she became the Focus...shes the oldest in the family.. and everyone was busy with her baby shower.. etc etc... and we didnt even HAVE an engagement party because towards the end she wasnt feeling well... and if FMIL wouldnt make it cuz she wanted to be her daughters side what was the point.. argh
i dont want to be bitter forever...

leena07 Posted: May 10, 2007 11:22 AM

Re: Am i wrong to feel this way?

I would be annoyed as well.. but you cant tell your FBIL dont do it because its my time. it would be taken wrong.. and no one really knows how it feels to be a bride except for the bride herself.

just know that hes not thinking in those terms... and know that no one can take away from your wonderful moment.

AlliCatB Posted: May 10, 2007 11:48 AM

Re: Am i wrong to feel this way?

I had a similar situation with the baby. My sister got pregnant soon after my engagement (her 1st and the 1st baby in my family since me) and it was ALL my family spoke about. No engagement party either and then guess when my niece was born - May 27 2006 - and I'm getting married May 27 2007!

Top it off - my Mom wants everyone to sing Happy Birthday to her at the Cocktail hour

Bottom line is, it would be nice to have the spotlight, it would have been nice to have more people excited about my wedding verses the baby's birthday... but FH and I are excited and that's all the really matters. And I love my sister, and my little niece so if people want to sing happy birthday or give them attention, I'm okay with making it a dual celebration.

Try to think of it as a joyous time for everyone instead of an only partially joyous time for you. Reframe it, or you're going to be the only one who's upset..

HTH

It's not ideal but try to make some lemonade.

luvabul Posted: May 10, 2007 12:13 PM

Re: Am i wrong to feel this way?

thanks everyone

im not mad at my FSIL OR FBIL.... because i know i have no right to be, its not like they intentinally decided to do those things,

i just dont liek the way everythigns unfolding, im only human ...

but ill try not to think about it.. and smile

Lools Posted: May 10, 2007 01:35 PM

Re: Am i wrong to feel this way?

Posted by iamvocal72

Posted by hdplaza

This is my first post although I have been a 'lurker' for quite some time. I have found a great deal of useful information.

I felt a need to respond to your post. I must respectfully disagree with the posters saying that you have a right to be upset or mad. While it is your day and your wedding, I don't understand why someone else's engagement or pregnancy has anything to do with it...I'm sure that your FSIL did not plan to upstage your engagement with a pregnancy. That is wonderful news and you should be happy for her, plain and simple.

As for your FBIL, again, I am sure they are not trying to take anything away from you. Once a man decides that he wants to get married and if he has the ring, I'm sure it is VERY difficult to wait to propose, I know my FI couldn't. I'm sure he is excited and in love and wants to do it when all the family is together, there is nothing wrong with that.

Try and focus on the positive, there seems to be a lot of reasons for everyone to be happy, so smile and realize that on your wedding day, it will be all about you and your FI and no one else. You are marrying the man you love and that is all that should matter. Please do not be bitter, it is no way to start off your new life together.

Thank you for saying exactly what I was thinking in such a positive way. I am sure I would have sounded like a huge biitch had I tried to explain this point of view.

Just stop it. Yes, it is immature and jealous of you to want the next 54 days to be focused on JUST you and you FH. Your day will be GLORIOUS and MAGICAL and JUST ABOUT the TWO OF YOU. You seem to be looking for something you are just not going to get.

Don't take everyone's non-excitement so personally. It has nothing to do with you. You should , IMO, spend the next few weeks focusing on yourself and your soon to be husband. Finish up your planning and make your wedding the best day ever. You are wasting time worrying about what other people think and feel about you. You have NO CONTROL over that so there is no reason to waste time and energy on it. Focus on what you do have control over.

I am sorry that you feel pushed aside. That is hard to deal with. You have every right to feel whatever you do, don't misunderstand me. However, there is a time and a place for everything. Displaying any kind of jealousy over your FBIL future engagement or your FSIL pregnancy will only result in making you look bad.

I couldn't agree more! And I'm coming from having gone through a similar experience although I was on the other end of this sort of dilemma.

Life goes on no matter what we are going through and we can't expect others to put their lives on hold for our benefit. People have to be able to make their choices in the manner and time in which they feel is appropriate for them.

We live in a society today that is all about 'me, me, me, me, me!!' but the reality is that it isn't all about 'me' and other people have a right to their own pursuit of happiness! The world doesn't stop just because you are having a wedding!

There's another point I'd like to make: Now I've always been a 'ham' and I love getting attention, however I honestly get sick and tired and frankly sometimes disgusted with the whole mentality that a wedding is nothing more than a day that is about 'The Bride' and how it's HER day to SHINE and how all eyes will be on HER and how she will be in all her Bridal Glory for the world to see. Come on girls, how self-centered can we be?
I think we all go a bit overboard with this sometimes.
Don't get me wrong, I'm totally excited about being all dolled up and getting married, however the Bride is not soley what wedding is all about. We are totally missing the point when we focus so much on ourselves!

Back to your situation, Seeing as all the family will be around at this time it does make sense for him to propose. He must be bursting with excitement just like you are bursting with excitement over your wedding. JMO

JessMxPx88 Posted: May 10, 2007 02:20 PM

Re: Am i wrong to feel this way?

Awww...I feel really bad for you. I agre with you, I would also be upset because the spotlight is kinda gonna be taken away from you on the most important day of you life because everyone will be thinking about your FBIL and his Fiance's recent engagement and I dont think it's really fair of your FBIL to do that right before the wedding. Its definetly kinda messed up of him to do.

But try to remember what your wedding day is REALLY about and what it really means.. You are going to marry your best friend and the love of your life. No matter what is going on with your family, your future in laws or anything else in the world, you will still have a beautiful day because in the end, you are getting married!