An explanation....I'm sorry, very long.

Original post by glinda_goodwitch

Apr 21, 2006 12:51 PM

Not that I feel the other post about being a bridezilla was directed towards me...but I do feel that I need to explain a little of the background as to why I'm hurt that some of my BMs can't attend my shower and bachelorette party. Some of you who FMed me heard a little of this

I don't have any sisters or female cousins that I could have in my BP, and over the years I've had incredible bad luck when meeting girls and becoming friends with them. On numerous occasions I've spent a lot of time and effort becoming friends with girls that end up being no good and hurt me deeply. So, I don't have many close girl friends, and I always felt that I was scrounging to have people in my BP. I feel like my BP are my good friends, but that maybe I consider them better friends to me than they consider me, because they have other close friends. So with all the bridal party activities, I feel very alone. My FH has 4 guy friends the has known since grammar school, and they would do anything for him. I don't feel that any of my friends feel the same way for me. It's a lonely feeling.

That being said, I have tried SO hard not to be demanding of my bridal party. I am paying for their hair to be done any way they want. I didn't even ask for a shower. My mother and FMIL are paying for one for me since I could never ask my BMs to throw me one. So they are all attending the shower as guests. I felt bad that the OOT BMs have to travel to Boston, so I gave one BM my frequent flier miles so she could fly free. I am even having my BMs stay at my parents' house with me during the shower weekend because I don't want them to pay for a hotel. I'm really not expecting so much from them, just to be there for me. Not even financially, but in their spirit.

I know some people said they would NEVER disclose so much information to strangers, but I do feel somewhat close to you girls. I may never get shout outs from the other brides, but when I need someone to listen, you are there for me. I thank the girls that sent FM to me. It was nice to have someone listen when I needed it. I just wanted to explain that I really am trying to go out of my way to be accomodating to all my BMs, and I feel like I'm not getting the same consideration in return. Sorry for going so long.

sr081906 Posted: Apr 21, 2006 02:29 PM

Re: An explanation....I'm sorry, very long.

You are so not a bridezilla. I hear of a lot of bridesmaidzilla, motherofgroomzilla, maidofhonorzilla stories though.

Please, there is no need to justify to us that you are not a bridezilla. We DO know that and we know the difference.

Ever since I have been engaged, I think people are using the term incorrectly.

Does wanting your BP to be part of your shower and organizing it for you so much to ask? No, that's really part of the 'job'. I personally asked my MOH to be mine. Then after 2 weeks, I asked her how she felt about it and that if she felt it was too much that it was OK and to let me know.

Is that too much to ask that your bridal shower be kept a secret if you did not ask otherwise? No, again, that's how it works.

Does wanting your wedding dress by the time it was promised, in the right color and design makes you a bridezilla? No, again, that's what we purchased.

I think a lot of people who cannot carry their end of the bargain use the word as an excuse and to turn back the blame on somebody else. How lame?

smara Posted: Apr 21, 2006 02:38 PM

Re: An explanation....I'm sorry, very long.

You have a right to be upset/disappointed becuase you would liek your gilrs at your shower. I would feel the same way. Youa re defiantely not being a bridezilla and even if you were and felt like letting it out thats what this site is here for.

Keep posting your concerns and disappointments on here, this site is a great outlet to let itall out and not hold on to the little things so you can focus on your wedding.

I love this site becuase if I want to be a closet bridezilla and not bother my friends and family, I can come on hear and vocie my opinions and get support that I need from woman who understand.

Ex: I want all my girls to wear silver shoes, half of you may be like are you kidding, get over it Sasha but than there is the other half who understand why it would be important. This site is useful to put things in perspective and I find it very therapeutic.

kmkelly Posted: Apr 21, 2006 03:57 PM

Re: An explanation....I'm sorry, very long.

You're definitely NOT a bridezilla. IMO venting during the wedding planning process is a big part of what this site is about.

VadersBride2006 Posted: Apr 21, 2006 04:14 PM

Re: An explanation....I'm sorry, very long.

You know what? You've inspired me to share my story also! Maybe some of you know about the severe problems I am having with my sister, how she has alienated and said terrible awful things about my family. Maybe some of you have read my other posts about the former bridesmaid who I haven't seen or spoken to in six months and who is no longer even invited to the wedding. Or the fact that my BIL isn't coming to the wedding and when my other sister was told the date of the wedding she responded with 'I can't go, I have a show that weekend and I already paid for it!' And just this past weekend, FH's Aunt tells me she has to go to the races so she won't be attending the wedding!

BUT...on a good note... my MOH, the one who just had a baby two days ago, the night she delivered says to me 'Please give me a call if you need anything or if there is anything I can do for you'.

If I am disappointed, it's only b/c my FAMILY isn't there for me the way my friends are. Blood thicker than water? Not in my life!

Boston&NY2006 Posted: Apr 21, 2006 04:57 PM

Re: An explanation....I'm sorry, very long.

I don't think any explanation is necessary. I would be just as hurt and upset as you are. You're totally not being demanding or unrealistic to expect that your BM be at your bachelorette...whatever the background info is.

If that post was directed at you (which I don't think it was), it was way off base.

Boston&NY2006 Posted: Apr 21, 2006 04:57 PM

Re: An explanation....I'm sorry, very long.

Posted by kmkelly

You're definitely NOT a bridezilla. IMO venting during the wedding planning process is a big part of what this site is about.

I totally agree!

CC59 Posted: Apr 21, 2006 05:09 PM

Re: An explanation....I'm sorry, very long.

I totally don't think you have to explain anything!

I would think any bride on this website would be upset and/or disappointed if their friends and family weren't being supportive of them and attending all the fun pre-wedding stuff. that's why this board is here...to get it all out!

scappy123 Posted: Apr 21, 2006 05:44 PM

Re: An explanation....I'm sorry, very long.

From all the posts your wrote that I and everyone else on this website have read, I certainly dont think the term Bridezilla pertains to you!

Wanting your BP to be there for your shower and bach. party isnt being 'bridezilla-ish' its being human.

Besides, if we want to behave a little like bridezilla once in a blue moon, isnt this the forum to vent and get it all out among us other brides so we dont go crazy on our friends and family???

chapel06 Posted: Apr 21, 2006 05:54 PM

Re: An explanation....I'm sorry, very long.

I dont thing you even have to explain yourself. I have only one close female friend. All of my past friends have been really back stabing and petty. In fact my entire BP is made up of FH's cousin's, who I've met only three times. My one best friend is my MOH and she lives out of state, so she cant be that involved and sometimes i get hurt if she doesnt return my calls. I'm with you! We may be lonely for girls to share this experience with, but we sure are lucky to be marrying our FHs'.

Sunrise813 Posted: Apr 21, 2006 07:24 PM

Re: An explanation....I'm sorry, very long.

Beth- I must say that I don't know you personally but if your post are any indication of the kind of person that you are, I say you are absolutely not a bridezilla.

I have noticed that when a bride needs advice, a congratulations, a hug, a prayer or a kind word you have almost always been sure to post. There are a few people on here who if I see that they have a post I always take a look and you and cindy(a.k.a cindyandkevin) are definitely among them.

As for feeling lonely, we all feel that way sometimes, and it ***** when people we consider close to us let us down, especially during milestones in our lives. Please don’t let anyone else's post discourage you from venting and seeking advice from us LIW girls. As someone else said it does not make you a bridezilla it make yo a human.

PS: If my math is correct you are getting married in 57 day ….just keep thinking about what a wonderful day you will have soon. Cheer up sweetie we are all here for you and super excited for your big day!!!

beautyq115 Posted: Apr 21, 2006 09:08 PM

Re: An explanation....I'm sorry, very long.

Posted by leese

I didn't respond to the other post but this is what I would have responded....

'YOU POSTED THIS ON A WEDDING WEBSITE.'

Just by the nature of us being on this website, we are all VERY interested in our weddings. We are/were all worried/anxious/disappointed/excited/happy/nervous etc. etc. etc. about our WEDDINGS...hence, the LIWEDDINGS.COM

Think about how many brides DON'T go on this website...that's cause they don't need an outlet (or maybe they don't know about how cool this is).

I don't know whether that post was directed at you or anyone in particular, but in my lowly opinion, it was shortsided. This is a community and a place where people talk over what is bothering them. I applaud anyone who can communicate their issues and find resolution on this website. The only time I get nervous for the brides is when you are talking ill of your FMIL because you wouldn't necesarrily want your FH to read something like that (unless he agrees!)

Girl, keep posting your posts. Your FRIENDS on this site care a lot about you.

I agree!!

October Bliss Posted: Apr 22, 2006 12:00 AM

Re: An explanation....I'm sorry, very long.

Beth I'm reading what you wrote and find myself very surprised. Having sat next to you at WOTY I find it hard to believe that anyone as sweet as you would have problems making and/or keeping friends.

I read this earlier today and unfortunately couldn't respond, but my first thought was I need to make a road trip down to MD so she knows she isn't alone and that there are girls who care. So, you up for a day at the National Aquarium and dinner at the Inner Harbor sometime????

glinda_goodwitch Posted: Apr 22, 2006 01:00 AM

Re: An explanation....I'm sorry, very long.

Posted by October Bliss

Beth I'm reading what you wrote and find myself very surprised. Having sat next to you at WOTY I find it hard to believe that anyone as sweet as you would have problems making and/or keeping friends.

I read this earlier today and unfortunately couldn't respond, but my first thought was I need to make a road trip down to MD so she knows she isn't alone and that there are girls who care. So, you up for a day at the National Aquarium and dinner at the Inner Harbor sometime????

Darlene, that is SO sweet of you. Of course I'm up for it!

You girls are so wonderful. I'm actually overwhelmed with the responses and FMs that I got. I wasn't expecting it. I wanted to explain my situation, because I felt like maybe I was being misunderstood. But in the process I found out that a lot of you girls have the same problem. You only have a few close friends and you also feel lonely. Well, today I didn't feel lonely. I felt really loved and cared for. Girls, we all have each other. Even if we're not in the same physcal location, we can still be there for each other. I'm here for anyone who needs me, just as you were here for me today. Thanks again, everyone.

Bigbroad555 Posted: Apr 22, 2006 01:05 AM

Re: An explanation....I'm sorry, very long.

Honey ! We are all here for you... I sometimes feel I shouldn't even post here since were married for 10-11 years but were actauuly re-doing everything in the Catholic Church to bless our vows.....

Were here for you

glinda_goodwitch Posted: Apr 22, 2006 01:10 AM

Re: An explanation....I'm sorry, very long.

Posted by Bigbroad555

Honey ! We are all here for you... I sometimes feel I shouldn't even post here since were married for 10-11 years but were actauuly re-doing everything in the Catholic Church to bless our vows.....

Were here for you

Oh, no...I think it's really cool that you post here. It's nice to have the perspective of someone who has been so happily married for a long time that she is renewing her vows.

October Bliss Posted: Apr 22, 2006 01:16 AM

Re: An explanation....I'm sorry, very long.

Posted by glinda_goodwitch

Posted by October Bliss

Beth I'm reading what you wrote and find myself very surprised. Having sat next to you at WOTY I find it hard to believe that anyone as sweet as you would have problems making and/or keeping friends.

I read this earlier today and unfortunately couldn't respond, but my first thought was I need to make a road trip down to MD so she knows she isn't alone and that there are girls who care. So, you up for a day at the National Aquarium and dinner at the Inner Harbor sometime????

Darlene, that is SO sweet of you. Of course I'm up for it!

Good!! That is my favorite day trip to make!! I LOVE the aquarium!!! I took FH on his very first trip to Camden last year! Such fun!!!

glinda_goodwitch Posted: Apr 22, 2006 01:19 AM

Re: An explanation....I'm sorry, very long.

Posted by October Bliss

Posted by glinda_goodwitch

Posted by October Bliss

Beth I'm reading what you wrote and find myself very surprised. Having sat next to you at WOTY I find it hard to believe that anyone as sweet as you would have problems making and/or keeping friends.

I read this earlier today and unfortunately couldn't respond, but my first thought was I need to make a road trip down to MD so she knows she isn't alone and that there are girls who care. So, you up for a day at the National Aquarium and dinner at the Inner Harbor sometime????

Darlene, that is SO sweet of you. Of course I'm up for it!

Good!! That is my favorite day trip to make!! I LOVE the aquarium!!! I took FH on his very first trip to Camden last year! Such fun!!!

Actually, you probably know Baltimore more than I do. I've only been there 1 or 2 times. We mainly go to DC, because College Park (where we live) is really close.

October Bliss Posted: Apr 22, 2006 01:26 AM

Re: An explanation....I'm sorry, very long.

Posted by glinda_goodwitch

Actually, you probably know Baltimore more than I do. I've only been there 1 or 2 times. We mainly go to DC, because College Park (where we live) is really close.

DC works for me too!! Love the museums, (except Air & Space - it NEVER changes), walking on the Mall, the Old Post Office (especially the Ben & Jerrys store ). I missed the Cherry Blossom Festival this year. Have you seen the new WWII memorial?? It's amazing!! I did an internship for 6 months with the DC Public Defender's Office. The weekly protests across the street over the statue in front of police HQ were always amusing!! You would think they would just take it down!!!

glinda_goodwitch Posted: Apr 22, 2006 01:36 AM

Re: An explanation....I'm sorry, very long.

Posted by October Bliss

Posted by glinda_goodwitch

Actually, you probably know Baltimore more than I do. I've only been there 1 or 2 times. We mainly go to DC, because College Park (where we live) is really close.

DC works for me too!! Love the museums, (except Air & Space - it NEVER changes), walking on the Mall, the Old Post Office (especially the Ben & Jerrys store ). I missed the Cherry Blossom Festival this year. Have you seen the new WWII memorial?? It's amazing!! I did an internship for 6 months with the DC Public Defender's Office. The weekly protests across the street over the statue in front of police HQ were always amusing!! You would think they would just take it down!!!

I love the museums too. But I think there are still a few I haven't seen yet.I agree about the Air and Space museum. It's ALWAYS the same. No, I haven't seen the new memorial yet. I also didn't see the Cherry Blossoms in DC, but there's a tree right outside my window and a ton of cherry blossom trees on campus. They really are so beautiful.

Well, I think it's time for bed. But definitely after my wedding I'd love for you to come for a weekend. RIght now I'm in crunch time and with traveling to NY, I don't have many free weekends