An explanation....I'm sorry, very long.

Not that I feel the other post about being a bridezilla was directed towards me...but I do feel that I need to explain a little of the background as to why I'm hurt that some of my BMs can't attend my shower and bachelorette party. Some of you who FMed me heard a little of this

I don't have any sisters or female cousins that I could have in my BP, and over the years I've had incredible bad luck when meeting girls and becoming friends with them. On numerous occasions I've spent a lot of time and effort becoming friends with girls that end up being no good and hurt me deeply. So, I don't have many close girl friends, and I always felt that I was scrounging to have people in my BP. I feel like my BP are my good friends, but that maybe I consider them better friends to me than they consider me, because they have other close friends. So with all the bridal party activities, I feel very alone. My FH has 4 guy friends the has known since grammar school, and they would do anything for him. I don't feel that any of my friends feel the same way for me. It's a lonely feeling.

That being said, I have tried SO hard not to be demanding of my bridal party. I am paying for their hair to be done any way they want. I didn't even ask for a shower. My mother and FMIL are paying for one for me since I could never ask my BMs to throw me one. So they are all attending the shower as guests. I felt bad that the OOT BMs have to travel to Boston, so I gave one BM my frequent flier miles so she could fly free. I am even having my BMs stay at my parents' house with me during the shower weekend because I don't want them to pay for a hotel. I'm really not expecting so much from them, just to be there for me. Not even financially, but in their spirit.

I know some people said they would NEVER disclose so much information to strangers, but I do feel somewhat close to you girls. I may never get shout outs from the other brides, but when I need someone to listen, you are there for me. I thank the girls that sent FM to me. It was nice to have someone listen when I needed it. I just wanted to explain that I really am trying to go out of my way to be accomodating to all my BMs, and I feel like I'm not getting the same consideration in return. Sorry for going so long.