and the drama begins...

Long story short (and I'm okay with her seeing this if she's a lurker, which she might be, I'm not 100% sure).

Apparently, FMIL is upset that I didn't ask FSIL to be in my bridal party, but is blaming it on FSIL. I heard straight out of the mouth of FSIL that she would prefer NOT to be in it (and she told FH that as well).

Well, today on a FMIL bonding trip to the venue (she is the only one who hasn't seen it yet), FMIL decided to tell me that FSIL has said to her 'many many times' that she is 'hurt and upset that she is not included in the bridal party'. Now, perhaps FSIL changed her mind, but to the last of my knowledge, FSIL didn't want to be in it (for a number of reasons, some money, some because she knows we just don't really get along that well and she has caused drama with half of the bridal party on separate occasions, but that is neither here nor there).

My response to the whole conversation was 'I will take that into consideration' knowing that there is no way I would ask her to be in it, regardless if she changed her mind or not. I thought about it and said that if FH wants her to be included, I would, because she's his sister, but when I asked him about it tonight, he said, verbatim 'I don't give a ****. I'm not a fan of her myself. And didn't she say she didn't want to be in it?'

So... am I being hurtful and rude? Should I ask her to be in it even though I don't really want her, FH doesn't really want her, and to the last of my knowledge, SHE doesn't really want it?

Also, I apologize for the long story not being all that short.

and the drama begins...

Nope. You're not obligated to ask her to be in the bridal party. My brothers are groomsmen but only because Fh wanted them to be. He gets along with them and he knew it was what I wanted. If she said she didn't want to and your Fh doesn't want her to be in it then Fmil needs to get over it.

and the drama begins...

My BMs are all FH's sisters, but it's not out of obligation. I asked them because I wanted them there. Honestly, it sounds like your FSIL just wants drama. Now that she's not in your bridal party, she's already starting the drama about it, but from the sound of it, if she was in your bridal party there's probably be drama between her and your other BMs. If your FH doesn't want her there, I think you're fine the way things are.

and the drama begins...

You're absolutely not obligated. My FSIL is getting married in a couple of weeks and asked me to be in her party. I said yes, but before I even said yes, she made sure to say 'I know you've chosen your bridesmaids already, please don't feel obligated to reciprocate'. I chose to anyway (she's hopefully going to walk FH down the aisle with his mother), but if we didnt get along or I felt she didn't want to, I wouldn't have included her. We are not including my brother bc he and I don't get along. This is YOUR wedding, and as long as you and FH are on the same page, you're fine.

and the drama begins...

I know you're never 'obligated' to ask someone to be a bridesmaid, but in some circles it is the norm to ask the groom's sisters and feelings will be hurt if you don't. I asked my FH's sister to be a BM- I essentially have no relationship with her whatsoever, and honestly, I don't plan to in the future. It wasn't worth the potential drama it would cause to exclude her. Her presence doesn't add anything to the celebration, but it doesn't take anything away, either.

I don't think you're being hurtful or rude, especially since she either can't make up her mind or just wants to cause problems. If it's going to cause major drama and her involvement will only go so far as to buy a dress, keep her mouth shut and show up, I'd just ask. You're going to have to deal with his family for the rest of your life and IMO it's not worth the problems, especially since it sounds to me like she's going to be a pain in the tush regardless of whether or not she's in the BP. Might as well be the bigger person and potentially have her act slightly less whiny.