anyone else feeling this way??

I have 6 BM and 1 MoH...
For the 2 years I've been engaged 3 of them have never asked me once how plans are or if I need help. Even with the wedding 1 week away, they haven't even checked in. I have vented to one and said I'm stressed and have so much to do and I need help. She responded with 'Aw. it will all work out.' After Sandy, FH and I spent hours on different days cleaning another BM's basement out, salvaging what we could and knocking down her shed, but helping me assemble invitations 'is too much' bc she didn't realize how much she'd need to do as a BM and is overwhelmed. These 3 girls helped me ONE night in total by assembling shoe baskets, writing hotel block cards and cutting my registry cards out. (which I am very thankful for-don't get me wrong) but, I bought their convertible dresses for them, so they never stepped into a bridal salon for alterations and hadn't spend a dime until my shower. I heard from other BMs they don't respond to emails and don't help at all. Tomorrow is my bach party and I don't want to go. I don't want to celebrate something that I wasn't supported for all along. Me and a BM planned the whole thing anyway and I payed deposit for limo. The only stress I've had planning is my BM's and it's crappy. I know that these 3 have never been in a wedding before and I get that it can be overwhelming, but I've made it so easy for them and I still got crapped on.
sorry for the vent!!!!!

anyone else feeling this way??

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've been a BM twice, and both times I helped out the best I could.

Just get through what you can with whoever can help you. Don't rely on the BMs anymore. You can't squeeze blood from a rock, you know.

I've heard story after story just like yours. And when it came time for me to choose my bridal party, I asked 2 women, and I expect nothing out of them. I don't even want to ask them for help, for fear of going through your situation. So I'm doing it all myself, with help from FH when he can.

Hugs...

anyone else feeling this way??

Yes!! My two moh are oot and I don't even know... Done..

One bm 'lost' her house during sandy, lives on a canal and due to flooding now have to totally renovate house. They cry poverty and she doesn't know if she will have money for my Bach party( her husband is fdny an she NYC teacher) but yet she tells me yesterday oh I can wait to be in Puerto Rico next week!

anyone else feeling this way??

Yes!! My two moh are oot and I don't even know... Done..

One bm 'lost' her house during sandy, lives on a canal and due to flooding now have to totally renovate house. They cry poverty and she doesn't know if she will have money for my Bach party( her husband is fdny an she NYC teacher) but yet she tells me yesterday oh I can wait to be in Puerto Rico next week!

anyone else feeling this way??

Im sorry that you are going through this but you still should go to your bach party and try to enjoy your night. Ive had BM give me a hard time but I just let it go.

anyone else feeling this way??

Yes, I've had this experience too. My mom and sister (MOH) planned my shower, and only 1 of my 6 BMs offered to help. The rest didn't even bother. The same BM and my Sister planned my whole bachelorette party.. None of the rest could be bothered. It's very annoying and disappointing

anyone else feeling this way??

Totally feel you. One of my BM is totally useless. I wasn't even going to ask her to be in my wedding, but she'd been telling me for years that she hoped I'd ask her to be, so I felt I'd regret it if I didn't ask her.

At one point, I told her I was stressed with planning, and she goes, 'Yeah, I hear ya. I'm stressed for you.' W*T*F?

Then I told her that invitations were making me crazy and she called me a bridezilla. I said, 'I hope you're joking because that was not bridezilla.' And she goes, 'Yeah, had to slip it in somewhere. Maybe bad timing on my part.' I said, 'Yeah, def bad timing.' A$$hole!!

Then my shower was the weekend after Hurricane Sandy. She lives in Connecticut and didn't understand why the rest of my BM and FH were worried about people showing up and transportation (gas shortages). So she asked my other BMs and my FH why they were being so dramatic. She told them she knows that weddings get dramatic because 'this isn't her first rodeo.' RUDE!!!!! Then karma bit her in the *** because when she got to LI, she ran out of gas and had to wait on a gas line.

anyone else feeling this way??

I totally feel you. Dont let it stress you out. I have had more than one BM go rouge on me. Its really upsetting and hurtful. But Dont let it ruin your day or your batch party! Its all about you and if they dont want to be on the same page as you eff them! they will get theirs when they ask u for help wether it be for their wedding or any ordinary task.

I had one BM tell me she was too busy blow drying her hair to come to a BM dress fitting. UM EXCUSE ME ?????

anyone else feeling this way??

Thank you ladies so much for your support. I feel like I sound like such a 'bridezilla' complaining about the wedding. But what they don't get is that its not about my wedding. It's about the fact that I'm a friend who needed help and support. I stood by these girls and was there for them since I've been engaged and they dealt with Sandy, job loss, break ups, boyfriend drama, family issues whatever it is, but because my issues were wedding related, they didn't matter. It's very hurtful and disappointing

anyone else feeling this way??

You're not a bridezilla at all...in this day and age it's really difficult dealing with the 'give and take' of relationships. I've really narrowed my friend list a lot over the past few years because it's just not worth having that dead weight of a relationship that isn't mutual.

If you aren't already, ask them for help directly. Some people are just clueless. If you are and they're not responding positively and being willing to help you, let them know. Tell them you chose them to be a huge part of one of the biggest days in your life and they accepted. As friends, and not even bridesmaids, they should be willing to help you with anything you need, exactly like you said.

BUT, still go and enjoy your bachelorette party. Eff them and have fun!

anyone else feeling this way??

Sorry you have to deal with this. I only have 4 one being my moh sister no help at all. Thank god for FH!

Re: anyone else feeling this way??

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Posted by KristyANDMatt224

Thank you ladies so much for your support. I feel like I sound like such a 'bridezilla' complaining about the wedding. But what they don't get is that its not about my wedding. It's about the fact that I'm a friend who needed help and support. I stood by these girls and was there for them since I've been engaged and they dealt with Sandy, job loss, break ups, boyfriend drama, family issues whatever it is, but because my issues were wedding related, they didn't matter. It's very hurtful and disappointing

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This is such a perfect way of putting it! It's not bc it's a wedding it's bc I need help! Love that

Re: anyone else feeling this way??

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Posted by fdnybride163

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Posted by KristyANDMatt224

Thank you ladies so much for your support. I feel like I sound like such a 'bridezilla' complaining about the wedding. But what they don't get is that its not about my wedding. It's about the fact that I'm a friend who needed help and support. I stood by these girls and was there for them since I've been engaged and they dealt with Sandy, job loss, break ups, boyfriend drama, family issues whatever it is, but because my issues were wedding related, they didn't matter. It's very hurtful and disappointing

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This is such a perfect way of putting it! It's not bc it's a wedding it's bc I need help! Love that

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That's what it is! I'm sorry if people are resentful or bitter or whatever their bf issues are thats not the point!!!

Re: anyone else feeling this way??

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Posted by EAY213

You're not a bridezilla at all...in this day and age it's really difficult dealing with the 'give and take' of relationships. I've really narrowed my friend list a lot over the past few years because it's just not worth having that dead weight of a relationship that isn't mutual.

If you aren't already, ask them for help directly. Some people are just clueless. If you are and they're not responding positively and being willing to help you, let them know. Tell them you chose them to be a huge part of one of the biggest days in your life and they accepted. As friends, and not even bridesmaids, they should be willing to help you with anything you need, exactly like you said.

BUT, still go and enjoy your bachelorette party. Eff them and have fun!

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Thank you. I agree with everything you said. I've definitely weeded out those people from my life too. It sucks that I thought these girls were my best of the best in & out!
I should absolutely say what you said about choosing them. That;s the best way to put it. I feel like no matter what I wanted to say before it would always be turned around like 'She's being a bridezilla!' and I HATE that word hahahah

Re: anyone else feeling this way??

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Posted by KristyANDMatt224

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Posted by EAY213

You're not a bridezilla at all...in this day and age it's really difficult dealing with the 'give and take' of relationships. I've really narrowed my friend list a lot over the past few years because it's just not worth having that dead weight of a relationship that isn't mutual.

If you aren't already, ask them for help directly. Some people are just clueless. If you are and they're not responding positively and being willing to help you, let them know. Tell them you chose them to be a huge part of one of the biggest days in your life and they accepted. As friends, and not even bridesmaids, they should be willing to help you with anything you need, exactly like you said.

BUT, still go and enjoy your bachelorette party. Eff them and have fun!

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Thank you. I agree with everything you said. I've definitely weeded out those people from my life too. It sucks that I thought these girls were my best of the best in & out!
I should absolutely say what you said about choosing them. That;s the best way to put it. I feel like no matter what I wanted to say before it would always be turned around like 'She's being a bridezilla!' and I HATE that word hahahah

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I totally know what you mean... that word is horrible and it's like if you don't like something or don't agree with someone you're considered one... totally not fair and that tv show definitely gave brides a bad wrap in general. I'm constantly worried about being called one too but in the end i'll do what it takes to get the wedding i want and deserve! lol

Re: anyone else feeling this way??

I can understand this as well... but I think it's more about people not having a clue until they have to plan a wedding themselves. Only one of my BMs has been married and another is planning a wedding now so she's starting to understand...
I mean I don't know them personally but I agree that they could at least ASK how it's going! My MIL is this way... she said in the beginning she wants to get involved and then NEVER asked if she could do anything. She said she wants to get us something but then told me to call around and book it
I think people are really just clueless. The first time I was a BM I definitely was but I would at least check in with the bride whenever we spoke!

anyone else feeling this way??

I completely understand this! I only have 1 MOH & 2 BMs, and only 1 BM EVER asks me about anything with the wedding. I know my MOH has 4 kids and whatnot, but I'm constantly trying to text her and she never tries to get in contact/ask me about anything. It REALLY bothers me. And my BM (FSIL) has just been MIA - I haven't seen her since January 5 (FH's surprise 30th BDAY party). My mom tells me not to worry about it but it's freakin annoying!

Re: anyone else feeling this way??

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Posted by KristyANDMatt224

I have 6 BM and 1 MoH...
For the 2 years I've been engaged 3 of them have never asked me once how plans are or if I need help. Even with the wedding 1 week away, they haven't even checked in. I have vented to one and said I'm stressed and have so much to do and I need help. She responded with 'Aw. it will all work out.' After Sandy, FH and I spent hours on different days cleaning another BM's basement out, salvaging what we could and knocking down her shed, but helping me assemble invitations 'is too much' bc she didn't realize how much she'd need to do as a BM and is overwhelmed. These 3 girls helped me ONE night in total by assembling shoe baskets, writing hotel block cards and cutting my registry cards out. (which I am very thankful for-don't get me wrong) but, I bought their convertible dresses for them, so they never stepped into a bridal salon for alterations and hadn't spend a dime until my shower. I heard from other BMs they don't respond to emails and don't help at all. Tomorrow is my bach party and I don't want to go. I don't want to celebrate something that I wasn't supported for all along. Me and a BM planned the whole thing anyway and I payed deposit for limo. The only stress I've had planning is my BM's and it's crappy. I know that these 3 have never been in a wedding before and I get that it can be overwhelming, but I've made it so easy for them and I still got crapped on.
sorry for the vent!!!!!

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Aww Kristy I'm sorry ... Enjoy your Bach party and don't let the ladies get to u... I mean u have been great with them and for them not lifting a finger is wrong in any way .. Remember it's about you so enjoy it in every way possible

anyone else feeling this way??

I vented to one BM and she told agreed wi me but she also promised me they are excite for the wedding and do care but she thinks it their egocentric personalities and th fact that they just have no clue what goes n in wedding plans. Idk if she said something but 2 of the girls actually asked me questions about the wedding today. Hahaah

anyone else feeling this way??

Fh sis won't stop bringing up how both of his parents (divorced) are contributing to our wedding but she had to beg their father 10 years ago to contribute when he was financially strapped. It's definitely put a damper on our enjoyment bc she brings it up every free moment. I voiced my opinion to fh, at first he didn't agree but now he's said something to her. It Sucks but with less than a month I'm hoping she'll shut her mouth afterward. Hope your girls come around!