Anyone else nervous about marriage?

Anyone else nervous about marriage?

I don't mean second guessing themselves but just the whole concept? I am so excited to marry Joe and have him as my husband...but I get an overwhelming feeling sometimes, like forever is a long time...but not in the sense that I want to be with anyone else, more just like keeping each other happy, keeping the relationship fresh and all those crazy events life has to throw at you it can make it hard. I know that is what marriage is all about. Sometimes I wonder what happened to the simpler days! lol I think I am very emotional today and can cry at any given moment, not too sure why it's not even PMS time!!! We went for our marriage license yesterday and our rings and I guess I started thinking and the wheels haven't stopped turning yet! I feel like this now and I have 51 days left god help me!

Re: Anyone else nervous about marriage?

I worry about other things related to the marriage. I worry about how we handle money differently - how I want to save and he likes to spend, and how he wants to flip houses to make money and I want to invest and just work harder I worry a little about how I think we may have different ideas about raising children. Not hugely different - but I think that he might be a little looser with things than I would be, let them do things I wouldn't. If you ever watch Jon and Kate Plus 8 -- I am SO Kate, and he is very much like Jon, and he even said that first!!!

But we have been together almost 7 years and while there have been a few downs, it's almost always been up. I know he loves me more than I could ever know, and vice versa. We are moving to NH next year and as it gets closer I worry about leaving my family, missing my sister and niece and parents and friends. Mostly my sister and niece though - I don't want to miss out on watching her grow up. But I know we will have our own family and I won't be too far from NY.

Mostly I am just excited to start such an amazing life with the man of my dreams. We've been planning it for so long - moving to the place we love to be, owning our own business maybe, and having a family.... can't wait for it to begin!!!!

Re: Anyone else nervous about marriage?

omg i feel the same exact way - and ive mentioned it to FH before (we just had this convo last night actually) - i think he thinks that i get nervous and that i am having cold feet - and i try to explain to him how im feeling and what you said is exactly how i feel! its not cold feet - its just when you think about it, its a little scary - just b/c you dont know what the future holds...but yeah, its def a weird feeling - its like im nervous but still excited and not second guessing, i dont know how to explain it - but i think we must be having similair feelings! i havent really felt like this until now that its close to 99 days for us

Re: Anyone else nervous about marriage?

yea definately and exactly for the same reasons that you said- its always a challenge to keep things fresh & fun- but like anything else thats worth it- it takes hard work- but you are definately not alone in thinking this

Re: Anyone else nervous about marriage?

yes! i feel like that sometimes - it's definitely an overwhelming feeling. forever IS a long time! but that is why you chose the most special, perfect person to spend it with pf course there will be times when you get into a 'rut' when things aren't fresh and new...but that's part of the challenge!

you are SO not alone in feeling this way - it's definitely normal...especially when you're getting down to the wire...51 days!! enjoy it!

Re: Anyone else nervous about marriage?

the conversation started last night after sex actually - we were just laying there naked - and i was like do you think that when we are 50, we are still going to have great sex, and then lay naked in bed together - you know, when you just hang out, cuddling, BSing? and he's like i hope so - and then i started thinking about our parents (not to be gross) but i just wondered if they still did that with eachother - i mean it was kind of gross to think about, but at the same time i was hoping that they still had those feelings - and still did that with eachother - so that got us into this whole conversation of wondering what it will be like when we are 40, 50, 60 - and when you start thinking of where life might take you, its overwhelming - its like omg this is forever - which i totally want it to be - but its hard to imagine how long forever is when you are 23 KWIM? its like trying to imagine what you would do with a million dollars....

Re: Anyone else nervous about marriage?

i think this is all normal. at least i hope it is! i think its more the being bound together for the rest of your life with one person....thats kinda weird. like you've all said - there's no one other than my kevie i'd want to be with forever....its just like...yikes! i think pretty much everyone gets nervous. not necessarily about the person your choosing but about the commitment maybe? lol - we sound like a bunch of boys! :)

or here's one - whats your FH's bad habbit...ie picking nose, biting nails, scratching ...whatever manly nonsense goes on. has anyone been like - 'ugg i have to deal with this for the rest of my life lately!' listen, i've FULLY accepted his odd little manly quarks - and on non PMS days they are actually kind of endearing and make me smile and love him more - very wierd. but in the midst of the 'less than 2 months!' countdown + PMS.......well, not so cute anymore!

lololol

Re: Anyone else nervous about marriage?

Re: Anyone else nervous about marriage?

Re: Anyone else nervous about marriage?

I'm not nervous at all about getting married to FH, I am more nervous about whether or not I am going to be a good wife. I am hoping we can keep that spark alive and still do romantic things and go out to dinner's and just cuddle with each other. I hope we dont get caught up in the adult world that we forget about all those things and just focus on paying the bills and stuff.

Re: Anyone else nervous about marriage?

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Posted by emomma17

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Posted by Future Mulligan

omg i feel the same exact way - and ive mentioned it to FH before (we just had this convo last night actually) - i think he thinks that i get nervous and that i am having cold feet - and i try to explain to him how im feeling and what you said is exactly how i feel! its not cold feet - its just when you think about it, its a little scary - just b/c you dont know what the future holds...but yeah, its def a weird feeling - its like im nervous but still excited and not second guessing, i dont know how to explain it - but i think we must be having similair feelings! i havent really felt like this until now that its close to 99 days for us

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Yeah this is exactly it. I spoke with Joe about it last night and he thinks I am doubting our getting married or that I don't want to get married, which isn't the situation at all. I am just nervous...marriages take work even though people say differently I am a firm believer that they do. You have to work to keep each other happy, the keep the relationship alive because it is very easy to lose your identity along the way..if that makes sense, i guess I was smacked with the thinking stick yesterday and it hasn't gone away.

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yes, he tells me that he has no doubts and no worries - and the joke we have is that he loves me more than i love him - so of course he was like, see - i DO love you more he said that when i talk like that it makes him nervous, like what if 'im not sure' - but its not that - sometimes i look at people around us who have been married for a long time - some of them are happy, some of them - well they don't seem that happy.....and i wonder what it will be like when we are that age - i dont want to feel that i settled, i want to still feel the way i do now, i still want to enjoy eachother, still date, still have those feelings of attraction, still get it on and enjoy it but how do you know you can keep that going for all those years? you dont - you have to work at it - and some people stop working at it i guess - and i dont want that to happen to us - so that can be scary - because BOTH people have to want to keep it alive - so i have to have faith in him, and myself - marriage is more than just a wedding - and i always think about the marriage part not just the wedding, it seems like a lot of people are obsessed with the getting married part and want to get engaged so bad that they dont think about it being forever - im the opposite so that is probably why i make myself nuts

Re: Anyone else nervous about marriage?

Smacked with the tinking stick? That's awesome! I get smacked with it a lot then! My mind is constantly racing

I have the same feelings. It's a LOT to adjust to. I wonder all the time how I will keep my marriage successful, while trying to stay true to myself. Then I just think that I'm thinking to much (as FH would say) and realize that all I can do is to take it one day at a time. I'm gonna try to live the best life I can, and to love him more tomorrow than I did yesterday. Not to get too deep, but today is all we are really given. We have no idea what tomorrow will hold. So, when I feel overwhelmed, I just thank God that I have another day with a man who makes me feel like the most special woman in the world, and just hope that he knows he is the number one person in my life, and that together we will create happy memories.

Re: Anyone else nervous about marriage?

Re: Anyone else nervous about marriage?

I have no doubts that Jeremy is the right man for me. I do worry about the future sometimes and how we will be able to afford a house here on LI and still be able to have a social life and raise children. I know that sometimes I think too far ahead and I need to slow down to enjoy the here and now. The best advice I received was from my sil. She said - you have to communicate with each other - no matter what it is, happy, sad, mad, annoyed, tired, tell each other because we can not read minds.

Re: Anyone else nervous about marriage?

i copied what emomma posted and sent it to my FH in an email - i was like see i'm not the only one who feels that way.....

he just wrote back:

lol.... yup see ur not the only one... yes forever is a long time.. but where she says 'all those crazy events life has to throw at you it can make it hard' i feel i rather go through the bad times with you... then without you... at least I know that u will be with me until the end... and knowing that makes everything better... I LOVE YOU >>>>>>>>>>>

he's a mush - that is why i love him - and i love how when he writes he makes all those .... just like i do a match made in heaven!! i guess i hope that he is always this way towards me and doesnt change - you know how some sleazeballs are sick of their wives and become perverts its like how do you know that wont happen to you? i dont think those women thought their husbands were going to be pigs after 10 years - KWIM?

but like someone else just said, its not worth the trouble to worry all about those what if's - we should leave each day as its own

because i have a lot of what ifs i waste my time worrying about - money, house, kids, taking care of family when they are old, those are things that can affect the marriage that i think about - you know things that can put a strain on it - but like my FH said to me i guess its better to go through those things together than alone

Re: Anyone else nervous about marriage?

Re: Anyone else nervous about marriage?

Re: Anyone else nervous about marriage?

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Posted by emomma17

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Posted by Soon2beMrsC

I'm not nervous at all about getting married to FH, I am more nervous about whether or not I am going to be a good wife. I am hoping we can keep that spark alive and still do romantic things and go out to dinner's and just cuddle with each other. I hope we dont get caught up in the adult world that we forget about all those things and just focus on paying the bills and stuff.

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YESSSS this is what is terrifying to me too. I am that person though that will do all those things and try. FH is great but he lacks a little in that department, the whole if it ain't broke don't fix it thing. I hate when things get complacent and mundane!!! I just don't want to lose what we have now...

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do you live together already? for me, i dont worry too much about that stuff since we already have been doing it for awhile - so i dont worry about living together and how it will work out because its been a great experience so far - i know that for some people its hard in the beginning but i already feel like his wife in a lot of ways.....i do worry about the time part - time making things become a routine - but it hasnt become much of a routine yet and we've been living together for 3 years (which i know is nothing compared to 20 years but its still 3 years longer than people who marry without testing it out first ) so i like to think that we'll be ok - i worry more like when we are 50, 60 will he still think im sexy? will he still want to ravish me? will we still laugh until our stomachs hurt? - really hope so

Re: Anyone else nervous about marriage?

From what I understand about marriage from people who have been married longer than I have been alive, friendship is the most important quality to have. FH should be your best friend. There will come a time when you have kids, where your life seems crazy, and you will be tired, and the lust will somewhat lack. But if you can talk to each other and make each other laugh, that is the most important.

Re: Anyone else nervous about marriage?

I can totally understand your concerns. No matter what anyone says, marriage is work. I think regardless of how perfect two people can be for each other, its always a challenge to keep things exciting and new and to not let life's everyday struggles tear you apart. I think people have a misconception and are fooling themselves if they think its a big fairytale and they idealize everything. I think that your feelings are just reality and its perfectly ok to be realistic and plan for the future. I remember hearing a really good quote - ' its not supposed to be easy, its supposed to be worth it', and it definitely is. I love being married!!