Anyone not going back to work after the wedding?

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Posted by WoC2

But I will say this: Everyone is entitled to their opinion. If you are telling me that if you could afford to stay home with your child and you chose not to, just to keep your career, I do not agree with you. I think you need to give your whole self to your child, not just whats left over from your workday. Sorry if I offended anyone. Guess I'm just a random poster with nothing else better to do. Thanks for reading.

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It is my opinion that the implications of this statement are rather broad and borderline dangerous. Those of us with multiple degrees who are marrying men with multiple degrees have invested tens and sometimes hundreds of thousands of dollars into our educations. Some of us are fortunate enough to have families that were able to provide those educations for us. We are proud and thrilled to use our skills and resources each and everyday that we go to work. In my case, if I didnt use my brain in a professional manner, it would turn to cognitive MUSH. There are many working women out there who give 200% of themselves to their children which is 200% more than some stay at home mothers. Not all but some.

I grew up with a SAHM and I was lucky. She and my father were able to give all four of us everything. She lived for us and for him. Now that he has recently passed on, and we are all grown up and out of the house, she has nothing of her own. She has very little sense of self. She is bored senseless and is somewhat depressed. Even if you are a SAHM, you MUST give something to yourself - ESPECIALLY time away from your children and EVEN your husband. I sincerely doubt that most fathers of today want to know the latest trends at Gymboree or if the kid made pee-pee in the potty. Our men chose us for the well-rounded women we are. Times have changed. We can change too.

once i have a kid i am staying home with them...

Anyone feel like this post is going round and round in circles????

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Posted by lipglossjunky73

Anyone feel like this post is going round and round in circles????

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Yeah - I think the original question got lost some pages back.

ETA: 'Are you you staying home after you get MARRIED?' was the question.

I am mostly a lurker (although I get lots of good advice and ideas on this board -- so thanks ladies!), and I rarely post, but I just wanted to point out the other side of this debate. Let me say at the outset that I agree with the majority's sentiment that whether to stay home with children or continue working is a hugely personal decision that may depend on a variety of factors. So no one should presume to judge anyone else. And I think it's appalling that anyone would even imply that people's choices render them unentitled or unfit to have children.

But I think that in attacking the notion that someone is a 'bad mother' if they don't stay home with their kids, some of you have swung to the other extreme and have come off as a bit critical of those who may be highly educated but choose to stay home with their children. I don't think that an educated career woman who chooses to stay home is wasting her skills and resources, nor do I think her brain will turn to mush. Somebody said that WoC may be young or immature to say that women should stay home with their children or not have children. But I think it's equally naive to think that all women find fulfillment in having a career.

Personally, I could never afford not to work. My fiance and I live and work in NYC and would like to move back to LI eventually, and it's expensive. I graduated from an Ivy League law school, and I am a litigator at a large NYC law firm. After 5 years of this fast-track career, the career I thought I wanted, I am burned out and tired. A lot of younger women and people who are still in school 'idealize' being a working women and 'having it all.' But as you get older, you realize that no one can truly 'have it all' without being exhausted or feeling inadequate in one area or another. Having a career is hard work and stressful, and staying home with children can be difficult and have its downsides. I think being an adult is weighing the options, realizing that, in reality, nothing is perfect, and choosing what's best for you and your family. If I had the luxury of staying home with my future children, I would do so in a second. And I think that would be a valid choice, despite my earning potential and education. Also, remember that childcare is pretty expensive, too, so for some women, it may be more cost-effective to stay home than to pay for day care or for a nanny. The second income would perhaps be entirely eaten up by child care.

So, sorry to butt in, but this is just my long-winded way of saying that we should not presume that mothers who stay home are either uneducated and not career-oriented, or have thrown away their opportunities. Viva la difference!

I hope no one takes offense to my posting, since I am not a regular.

Happy holidays to all!

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Posted by Goldi1021

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Posted by WoC2

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It is my opinion that the implications of this statement are rather broad and borderline dangerous. Those of us with multiple degrees who are marrying men with multiple degrees have invested tens and sometimes hundreds of thousands of dollars into our educations. Some of us are fortunate enough to have families that were able to provide those educations for us. We are proud and thrilled to use our skills and resources each and everyday that we go to work. In my case, if I didnt use my brain in a professional manner, it would turn to cognitive MUSH. There are many working women out there who give 200% of themselves to their children which is 200% more than some stay at home mothers. Not all but some.

I grew up with a SAHM and I was lucky. She and my father were able to give all four of us everything. She lived for us and for him. Now that he has recently passed on, and we are all grown up and out of the house, she has nothing of her own. She has very little sense of self. She is bored senseless and is somewhat depressed. Even if you are a SAHM, you MUST give something to yourself - ESPECIALLY time away from your dren and EVEN your husband. I sincerely doubt that most fathers of today want to know the latest trends at Gymboree or if the kid made pee-pee in the potty. Our men chose us for the well-rounded women we are. Times have changed. We can change too.

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I would like to point something else out too. Although I respect WoC wishes there is something I want to mention to all those woman out there marring FF and PD's.
AFter the tradity of 9/11 a lot of widows found they were in BIG trouble. Many of them were homemakers, had six kids, and their husband worked like three or four jobs. My Ex who was an FF, (not the one that passed) worked the FH, security, and installed alarms.
He wants to have a woman who will stay home and keep his house and kids. But I pointed this out to him as I will point to you all. FFs work two to three days a week, (24 hr shifts.) The rest of that time, IMHO he should stay home and be with the kids, and the wife should have a career. Let me explain, your FF husband could always be (and it hurts me deeply to say this) could be hurt or worse in a fire. Its already horrible to lose a husband and father, but to fear lossing your house, car, and everything else will make it a 10000 times worse. If the woman has a job, at least fincially the're won't be as big of a differences in money. You might need a smaller place, but you know you can do it. Alot of those woman hadn't worked in yrs and had little to no training. So I beg woman of FF's please have a back up plan, because you never know.

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Posted by zinezilla

I hope no one takes offense to my posting, since I am not a regular.

Happy holidays to all!

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not at all - and I trully hope that any other 'non-regulars' do not feel that way either.

welcome!