Is anyone else getting scared of being married? I want to preface this by saying this has absolutely nothing to do with my relationship with my FH--we are still very strong and in love--but I am so scared of it being forever. I know statistically 1/2 of marriages end in divorce--so of the 286 users online now, 143 will get divorced. It is just so scary--there is no real way to predict exactly what you both will be like in 30 years--how one of you may change, how you may grow apart...We are so happy now, but I know how much things change--my parents got divorced after 35 years when they grew apart...It just feels like such a leap of faith, and I suddenly at the almost one month to go mark got so, so scared of all of it. Anyone else feeling the same way? I don't feel like I am being pessimistic, just realistic. And for the 2 years of planning I didn't feel this way--it really just hit me with so little time left.
lillian771
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Re: Anyone scared?
Yes, I definitely think of this. I worry how we'll handle the problems real life presents. I worry that we might not be able to agree on how to raise our children. I worry that there will never be enough money. I worry about how I'll get along w/ his family in years to come and vice-versa.
You're not alone in being scared. I think its actually good to be scared, because it means you recognize the hugeness of what you're about to do. Those who take it very lightly are the ones we should be most worried about. As long as we love each other and work hard (very hard) at our marriage), I think we'll be OK in the end.
They don't call it 'taking the plunge' for nothing!
goingtobemrs
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Re: Anyone scared?
I think that is a negative way to look at it! That is almost saying, we might fail. And you may feel that way, but that is how a lot of couples go into is saying, eh, let's give it a try and if it doesn't work, we go our seperate ways. I have no doubts in my mind of ever getting a divorce. The only thing that scares me is that I might lose him in a tragic way or he is taken from me and I'd be devestated. That is my only fear. I feel like the reason for the high divorce rate is people not taking marriage seriously anymore. Don't read the numbers, just think of you and him, that is all that matters!
goingtobemrs
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Re: Anyone scared?
Posted by lillian771
As long as we love each other and work hard (very hard) at our marriage), I think we'll be OK in the end.
They don't call it 'taking the plunge' for nothing!
I totally agree. Marriage is a commitment, for better and for worse. It will not always be happy times, but you have to work hard at it and not give up like half of the population does.
CubanBride
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Re: Anyone scared?
Yep. In 10 years, 50% of us will be divorced. It's scary I guess, but it is a reality that we have to accept.
I don't think about it though. I think taking things one day at a time is a better way to look at things. Appreciate what you have today and don't worry about tomorrow. It's easier said than done sometimes though.
FLaCaTaCa
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Re: Anyone scared of getting married?
I don't think about it like that. My parents are divorced and it was rough.
I hope to be part of the 50% that will make it. Honestly, I don't think I would be getting married if I feared getting divorced.
It is scary when you think about it...so I try not to.
IrishBride-05
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Re: Anyone scared of getting married?
I don't worry about it now, but I'm sure I will closer to the date. I understand the concerns, but you must be positive, and in your case I bet it's just a case of pre-marital jitters. My sister went through this stage a few weeks before her wedding and they're still going strong 15 years later.
gtsgirl
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Re: Anyone scared of getting married?
I'm not scared..I dont think about it. I don't dwell on the divorce rate or anything else like that..I'm getting married because I love him, i'm taking my vows and I will work on anything and everything in the marriage. So no i'm not scared to marry my best friend.
FutureMrs
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Re: Anyone scared of getting married?
The only thing I am nervous about is the wedding, not the marriage. It is a learning experience and we are in it for the long haul. We both do not agree with divorce so I know that we will work very hard to overcome any obstacles that we may face. I would say worrying about it not working out is taking away from those moments that could be spent enjoying the relationship and all it has to offer.
brooklynbridezilla
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Re: Anyone scared of getting married?
You're not alone in being scared. I think its actually good to be scared, because it means you recognize the hugeness of what you're about to do. Those who take it very lightly are the ones we should be most worried about. As long as we love each other and work hard (very hard) at our marriage), I think we'll be OK in the end.
I totally agree! I get the jitters sometimes, but i think back at how we have handled the last six years of our relationship, and truly believe in our marriage.
Blu-ize
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Re: Anyone scared of getting married?
Those stats are stats that have been quoted from years ago....show me the data to prove it...I don't think that is so accurate anymore. Also, history is not always indicative on the future...JMHO
sammi102
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Re: Anyone scared of getting married?
Posted by tp329
I think that is a negative way to look at it! That is almost saying, we might fail. And you may feel that way, but that is how a lot of couples go into is saying, eh, let's give it a try and if it doesn't work, we go our seperate ways. I have no doubts in my mind of ever getting a divorce. The only thing that scares me is that I might lose him in a tragic way or he is taken from me and I'd be devestated. That is my only fear. I feel like the reason for the high divorce rate is people not taking marriage seriously anymore. Don't read the numbers, just think of you and him, that is all that matters!
I agree, although I get nervous about it, I am very confident that our marriage will list. Of course we'll have problems, but our love will help us get through it. We've been together for 4 1/2 years already and have been through a lot, nothing major though, but we've seen each other grow and change at the same time. If you get scared, remember you're marrying the man of your dreams!!
wintergirl06
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Re: Anyone scared of getting married?
I don't blame you for being concerned, but I agree with someone's earlier post that things are changing. People today get married later and with more experience behind them; also, women and men are better friends now and have stronger relationships. Enjoy today, plan for tomorrow, and don't let numbers bug you...after all, 100% of us will die someday, but we don't let that stop us from living!
CubanBride
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Re: Anyone scared of getting married?
U.S. Marriage & Divorce Statistics:(2002 except where noted)
Total divorces granted in 1997: 1,163,000
Rate per 1,000 population (1999): 4.1
State with the lowest divorce rate: (1997) Massachusetts. Rate per 1,000 population: 2.4
State with the higest divorce rate: Nevada. Rate per 1,000 population: (1997) 9.0
Percentage of population that is married: 59% (down from 62% in 1990, 72% in 1970)
Percentage of population that has never married: 24%
Percentage of population that is divorced: 10% (up from 8% in 1990, 6% in 1980)
Percentage of population that is widowed: 7%
Median age at first marriage: Males: 26.9 Females: 25.3
Median age at first divorce: Males: 30.5 Females: 29
Median age at second marriage: Males: 34 Females: 32
Median age at second divorce: Males: 39.3 Females: 37
Median duration of first marriages that end in divorce: Males: 7.8 years Females: 7.9 years
Median duration of second marriages that end in divorce: Males: 7.3 years Females: 6.8 years
Median number of years people wait to remarry after their first divorce: Males: 3.3 years Females: 3.1 years
Percentage of married people who reach their 5th, 10th, and 15th anniversaries: 5th: 82% 10th: 65% 15th: 52%
Percentage of married people who reach their 25th, 35th, and 50th anniversaries: 25th: 33% 35th: 20% 50th: 5%
Percentage of people who have ever been married by the age of 25: Males: 32% Females: 50%
Percentage of people who have ever been married by the age of 35: Males: 77% Females: 84%
Percentage of people who have ever been married by the age of 45: Males: 87% Females: 90%
Percentage of people who have ever been married by the age of 55: Both males and females: 95%
Likelihood of new marriages ending in divorce in 1997: 43%
Percentage of all householders who are unmarried in 2000: 48%
Percentage of weddings which are remarriages for at least one partner in 1997: 43%
Percentage of first marriages that end in divorce in 1997: 50%
Percentage of remarriages that end in divorce in 1997: 60%
Percentage of divorced women who remarry within five years as of 1995: 54%
Estimated average length of divorce proceedings in 1997: 1 year
Percentage of African American adults in this age group never married in 1998: 53%
Percentage of households occupied by one person in 2000: 25.5%
Percentage of population (by area of US) who had never married in 1999: Midwest: 28% Northeast: 28% South: 26% West: 29%
Number of married couples (2000): 56,497,000
People who are divorced (2000): Males: 8,572,000 (8.3%) Females: 11,309,000 (10.2%)
People who are separated (2000): Males: 1,818,000 (1.8%) Females: 2,661,000 (2.4%)
Percentage of people that married under the age of 20 who eventually get divorced as of 1995: 40%
Percentage of people that married over the age of 25 who eventually get divorced as of 1995: 24%
Percentage of couples not affiliated with any religious group who eventually get divorced as of 1995: 46%
Percentage of women whose parents were divorced who get divorced within 10 years as of 1995: 43%
Percentage of women whose parents stayed together who get divorced within 10 years as of 1995: 29%
Number of people divorcing each year as of 1997: 2.5 million
FrescaBride
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Re: Anyone scared of getting married?
Statisticallly...if you live together before you get married, you have more chances to get separated after marriage. And statistically, if you see the stats for divorced couples nowadays, it makes you wonder what's going on out there. BUT when you truly have found your soulmate and you can't wait to share the rest of your life with this person...tend Statistics go out the window. I personally not minding STATs because I'm going with my heart on this one.....and I can't see myself spending the rest of my life without him and he has already told me the same....so don't mind Stats and just listen to your heart.....
Blu-ize
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Member since
Re: Anyone scared of getting married?
Hey, I asked for it...and I got it..now analyze the stats...most divorces do not take 1 year especially with children involved..These are stats from 1997, which means this info could be as much as 10-15 years old. Also taking into account the skewing by age group..you could really spin it either way.
Thanks for the info...
CubanBride
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Re: Anyone scared of getting married?
Posted by Blu-ize
Hey, I asked for it...and I got it..now analyze the stats...most divorces do not take 1 year especially with children involved..These are stats from 1997, which means this info could be as much as 10-15 years old. Also taking into account the skewing by age group..you could really spin it either way.
Thanks for the info...
No problem.
Actually, most of the stats are from 2002, except where other dates are noted. So that's 2 years, and it take about 5-10 years to get those stats, so let's say that info is about 7-12 years old.
But from what I have heard, the rate of divorce per 1,000 is up to 5.4. I am trying to find newer stas, but I haven't been able to.
nov04LIbride
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Re: Anyone scared of getting married?
The stats didn't make me feel too much better--my parents are divorced, and we have no religious affiliation, so statistically that probably puts us at over 50% chance But! I am going to try to ignore my rational mind and follow my heart--too many stats classes in grad school, what can I say...We have been together for 4 years, I am 26 and finished college and grad school, we have good jobs and own a condo....It's just fear of the unknown that makes me worry. It always has, especially for this--the most important decision of my life.
kpny622
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Member since
Re: Anyone scared of getting married?
I don't think it's realistic to say, 'I am never going to get divorced.' I mean, don't most people think that at the time of marriage? I know my handful of friends who are already divorced (at 32) all thought that on their wedding day!
I think whoever said that people don't take marriage as seriously these days as they did in the past is probably somewhat right. It is so easy today to get a divorce, and, there's no longer the bad stigma attached to it. Plus, there are so many more opportunities available to us today that make us more likely to consider divorce. It's also easier for women who now have successful careers and can support themselves.
That being said, I am not 'scared.' I am so happy right now and feel that I made a good decision and that we are going to last forever, and that's a goal we are both working towards. But I can't say 100% that one or both of us will for whatever reason change dramatically in 20 or 30 years and be unhappy. But that's the risk you take because the alternative is never getting married and never having the opportunity of it working out!
You have to embark on the journey with full knowledge and reflection and the best of intentions. Whatever happens after that is unknown.
DMcK
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Member since
Re: Anyone scared of getting married?
It is tough because society does not support and honor marriage the same way it once did. But if you love your FI with all of your heart and you are willing to work through the tough and painful times in life together, rejoice in the fact that you have found a wonderful life partner! There will be tough times but love, determination, and a desire to stay together will help you get through it.
