Anyone who's been a BM

I've never been a BM because I was the first of my group to get married, but I was wondering what's the normal/average expense? I feel like my girls got off pretty easy financially, and they still complained or flaked out of paying for some things. One of my BM gave me an insult of a wedding gift and she contributed the least for everything. I spent more on what I payed for her to be part of my wedding (BM brunch, gifts, payed for shoes to be dyed, payed for hotel, bo-k, etc...) than she did being a part of it- and I spent that same amount of 6 girls?!

As a BM and I was an OTT BM so I missed the bachelor party. Dresses were approximately 250 with alterations, shoes around 50 with dying, airplane tickets- 350 for each wedding I was in, 50-100 contributed for each shower. Unfortunately, I missed all the fun stuff though. It was too hard and expensive to fly in for everything.

Oh, I also gave each of them $100 and did not bring a date. And each of them got a 50 shower gift.

Both Dh and I were in BP for a wedding 4 months before ours.
My expenses were:
Dress: 170
Alterations: 40
Shoes: 30
Shower Contribution: 100
Shower Gift: 150
Bachorelette Party: 300
Wedding Gift: 300

That's about what I thought. This is all my BM were asked to pay for:
$150 for dress
$50 for alterations
$150 for shower
$150 for bach party weekend
I did not require any of them to buy a certain pair of shoes, and I payed for them to be dyed. Many of them used shoes they already had. I also didn't require anyone to have hair or makeup done. If they chose to, hair was $75 and makeup was free for them.

The BM I have issues with paid for her dress and alterations. She stiffed my sister and only contributed $50 for the shower. Used shoes she already owned. Didn't opt to have her hair done, but took advantage of the free makeup. I have a feeling she didn't contribute her full amount for the bach party and only gave a $50 gift for the wedding.
I don't mean to sound snotty, I really don't, but I feel like she took advantage of me and didn't live up to her responsibilities.

ETS- I spent a lot of money out of pocket for each of my girls. When we went to the city to go dress shopping I paid for everyones parking and treated all of the girls to lunch (came to about $200.) Like I said above, I paid for all of their shoes to be dyed ($15 a pair for 6 girls= $90.) I paid for the hotel rooms for everyone ($300.) No one is really OOT but we live about 45 minuted from where I got married. I bought them all necklace and earing sets for the wedding, pajamas for the night in the hotel, fleece blankets, albums, frames, candles and aromotheray kits from Bath & Body works (about $150 a girl= $900.) I paid for the flowers myself ($65 a bo-k= $390.) And I gave the makeup artist, a friend of mine a gift for doing the makeup ($100.)

Usually around $1,000 per wedding, before the wedding gift. The cost really varies depending on how much each BM has to contribute to the shower. And, that doesn't include the cost of my labor on:
- planning the shower
- making shower favors
- addressing bride's wedding invitations
- assembling bride's wedding favors
- endless dress shopping trips

The TLC show 'Always a Bridesmaid' is on this week and is a really good look at what it takes to be a BM.

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Posted by lilacwine

Usually around $1,000 per wedding, before the wedding gift. The cost really varies depending on how much each BM has to contribute to the shower. And, that doesn't include the cost of my labor on:
- planning the shower
- making shower favors
- addressing bride's wedding invitations
- assembling bride's wedding favors
- endless dress shopping trips

The TLC show 'Always a Bridesmaid' is on this week and is a really good look at what it takes to be a BM.

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I second that, it's generally around $1,000 per wedding. I was in two weddings in the past 3 months and have my own in a few months so it's been a very expensive year.

I guess a lot of the cost depends on travel too. I went to college and 6 years of grad school down in VA so some of my closest friends are there. I very happily paid for my flights and hotel for their weddings, also bm dress, hair, shower gift, wedding gift, shoes, jewelery, etc.... So, just the last wedding I was in/went to was well over $1000, way over.

If you're the first of your group of friends to get married, I'm assuming (and I may be WAY OFF) that you may be younger (early 20's?). If that's the case, that's a lot of $$ to come up with when you're only a few years out of college.
You were VERY generous with your girls. That was your choice and I'm guessing it made you happy to do. I'm sorry some of the girls didn't or maybe weren't able to, do the same for you in return. Is it possible that some of them just really didn't have the $$?

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Posted by nylibride
If you're the first of your group of friends to get married, I'm assuming (and I may be WAY OFF) that you may be younger (early 20's?). If that's the case, that's a lot of $$ to come up with when you're only a few years out of college.
You were VERY generous with your girls. That was your choice and I'm guessing it made you happy to do. I'm sorry some of the girls didn't or maybe weren't able to, do the same for you in return. Is it possible that some of them just really didn't have the $$?

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Actually, aside from my SIL, I am younger than any of my BM and I'm 27. The one BM who was completely cheap about everything always claims money woes, but her actions speak way different volumes. This from the girl that has a decent job, leases a new car, took a $2500 vacation and still lives at home.

See what happens when I assume.

I'm sorry that some of the bm's disappointed you. It totally sucks when friends don't put the effort in that you put in. Been there, made me very hurt/angry, I imagine you may be feeling the same. The friend taking the vacation would have put me over the top....

The last wedding I was in which was last summer:

Dress + alterations = 240
Shower gift = 100
Bach party = 215
Hair & makeup = 75
Wedding Gift = 275

ok-- last wedding I was in..

Dress 150 (plus alterations whcih my mom covered cause I was unemployed at the time- LOVE the economy)

Shower Gift- 120

Bach Party- 100

That's it- we were not told to have our hair and make up done, we were able to wear black shoes and it was local. Really- if I was not in the wedding party- I probably only would have spent like 200 or so dollars less.

i'm in grad school, so i guess brides have taken pitty on me...still, i'm planning for my girls to spend as little as possible...my experiences:

1st one-bride asked if i'd rather she purchase the dress or get me a gift...i said dress...she paid for dress, shoes, hair, makeup, and only got me a small gift, which was totally fine with me...
i gave about $150 in wedding gifts from the registry for me and fh--it was a small wedding...we prolly shoulda given more tho
$30 or 50 for the shower gift...i forget
she didn't want a bachelorette party
mob threw shower

2nd one-215 or 220 on the dress
approx 50 on shoes w/dying
30-40 on hair
did my own makeup
200 wedding gift (brought FH)
moh (bride's sister) is a mom with a job and was really nice to all of us, asking how much we could legitimately contribute to the shower gift, knowing that grad school means $0...i ended up putting in $50...i felt like i shoulda given more after i got off the phone with her, but i let it go...
moh and mob threw the shower...i offered my labor
we all split bachelorette night out--dinner and comedy club, but moh put in a little extra

i guess i got off rather easy with these, but i fully intend to do the best i can for my girls...i totally don't think it's a sign of how much the girls mean to you by asking them to spend $1000 to be in the bridal party...not unless you're gonna say, 'hey, do you wanna spend $1000 to walk down the aisle in front of me?' if i heard that, i'd have to unfortunately decline!!!

Let's see, I was just in a wedding last April, our gowns were about $225-250 with alterations, our shoes were about $50, hair and make-up were over $100, her shower gift was about $170 each and then her bachlorette party was over a $100 per person...sorry I can't remember exact figures for everything! Plus, then I gave her a generous wedding gift...more than what I would give if I was just a guest and not a BM.

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Posted by RedRoses

i guess i got off rather easy with these, but i fully intend to do the best i can for my girls...i totally don't think it's a sign of how much the girls mean to you by asking them to spend $1000 to be in the bridal party...not unless you're gonna say, 'hey, do you wanna spend $1000 to walk down the aisle in front of me?' if i heard that, i'd have to unfortunately decline!!!

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The difference is, as far as I'm concerned none of these girls had a legitimate excuse, like being in grad school. I think if money was going to be an issue they should have been upfront about it so I knew ahead of time instead of them being shady and sticking other people with the extra expense.

I've been a BM in tons of weddings. When all is said and done, it comes to around $1,000 for everything. Here's my approx. breakdown:

dress: $200
shoes: $50
hair: $80
shower expenses: $100
shower gift: $100
Bach party: $150
wedding gift: $300