Anyone who's been a BM

It's been quite a while since I was a BM, but the first time (about 13 years ago), I probably spent close to $600 between the dress, shoes, alterations, bridal shower, gifts etc.

The other time (about 10 years ago), I spent at least $1000 between everything, including travel back and forth from where I was living (northern NJ) to where the wedding/bridal shop was located (in South Jersey/Philadelphia).

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Posted by nferrandi

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Posted by RedRoses

i guess i got off rather easy with these, but i fully intend to do the best i can for my girls...i totally don't think it's a sign of how much the girls mean to you by asking them to spend $1000 to be in the bridal party...not unless you're gonna say, 'hey, do you wanna spend $1000 to walk down the aisle in front of me?' if i heard that, i'd have to unfortunately decline!!!

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The difference is, as far as I'm concerned none of these girls had a legitimate excuse, like being in grad school. I think if money was going to be an issue they should have been upfront about it so I knew ahead of time instead of them being shady and sticking other people with the extra expense.

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I definitely agree with you. Girls should be upfront about it, but even for my BMs that are working, I will try hard not to stick them with a big expense. If they can do it and they volunteer, that's one thing, but I think we as brides also have to remember that while our weddings may be our financial priority, they shouldn't necessarily be everyone else's...especially the people we care about the most. . .and. . .I think we also have to remember that just b/c we (myself not necessarily included) may have been stuck with a huge financial burdeon as a BM, we don't necessarily have to pass on that tradition and prolong that cycle.

i've been in 7 weddings, and they've ranged from a few hundred dollars, the first one, and we were all in college still, to over a thousand with travel and vera wang BM dresses.

i hate feeling that i have to do something though because i'm a BM, that i'm indebted to do it for the bride. trying to not convey that feeling to my bridal party.

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Posted by Robinella

I've been a bridesmaid and a maid of honor this year...and it was damn expensive. I hated the feeling that I had to give money to whatever anyone planned (no one got together to discuss anyones financial situation..u know some people cant afford more than 50 dollars for the bridal shower..etc) and I hated being made to feel like i was endebted to the bride just cause she asked me to be in her bridal party. In my opinion MOH and BM's are there to support u, emotionally...and to stand up with you cause they care about you, not cause they want to spend all their money on your parties and be beck and call to your every need. Since ive had experience with girls like that I decdied i would never expect that of my girls...i think its a crappy attitude to take..no offense, but some brides just care about how much their bridal party chips in and i think thats sucky.

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See that's just it. My girls were only asked to spend HALF of what everyone else seems to have dished out for a BP, and it was STILL a problem. Not to mention, my girls did get together to discuss plans for everything, so the financial aspect should not have come as a surprise. They all agreed to put in a certian amount of money for the shower and then backed out when the time came. My sister and my MIL had to cover their difference.

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Posted by soon2bmrs2004

Both Dh and I were in BP for a wedding 4 months before ours.
My expenses were:
Dress: 170
Alterations: 40
Shoes: 30
Shower Contribution: 100
Shower Gift: 150
Bachorelette Party: 300
Wedding Gift: 300

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Just out of curiousity (because I'm about to be in someones wedding party) is the 'shower gift' something that you went in on with the other bridesmaids? Did you then have to buy your own gift?
My BM's did not get me a gift as a group for my shower, so I'm not familiar with this.

ETA-I was also first of my friends to get married and my BM's who never complained, also did not do as much as those I read about on this website. I think it was lack of experience with weddings. My MOH however was a total disappointment, and I don't speak to her anymore.

one wedding i was in, the moh (bride's sister) told us she wanted us to all chip in, but asked us each privately how much we could put in and said she'd make up the difference...with the idea that if it was too much for her to make up, she'd do something different

the other one i was in, i was the only BM and her sister (16 i think) was the moh...we went separate

EXPENSIVE !!
Dress - Over $300
Hair/Makeup - $150
Shoes - $75
Bridal Shower Gift - $200
Wedding Gift - $300
Bachelorette Party $150
Hotel - $150
and on and on and on.........

I asked my girls to pay for their gowns, shoes and to have their hair put up that day.
I've told them where I will be going and who I will using and what the prices are. - But I would never demand they spend $125 on an updo .....or $75 for professional makeup.
I've been in Bridal Parties where I was told How to wear my hair, Where to have it done, that i HAD to have my makeup done, HAD to go away for a weekend bachelorette party....etc.

I've been BM several times... dresses have been roughly $250 each, about $75 for shoes including dying them. Hair anywhere from $75-100, never did makeup. Engagement party gifts... $150, shower gift ... $200, wedding gift $500 (for 2 of us)... for one of my girlfriends the BMs also did a lot for the shower... an additional $200 for invitations, favors, flowers, decorations.

So, on average I have spent $1,250 each time I have been a BM

ETA: Oh, and bachelorette party.... hmmm... maybe another $150, dont remember

I was in a wedding in July for a girl I have been friends with since we were 12 and we are 29 now.

Dress with Alterations: $293
Shoes: $50
Hair: $35
Makeup: Free another BM worked for Clinique
Shower: Bride's Aunt (MOH) planned & paid for it. BMs had no expense here
Shower Gift: $150
Bachelorette Party: $125
Undergarments: $92
Wedding Gift: $300
Total: $1045

I did get my alteration fee back because Fantasia Bridal messed up my dress....7 fittings and it was horrible. The bride picked it up for me when she picked up her dress...2 days before the wedding.

I am sure there are things I forgot.

See I forgot the Eparty gift......that was like $100....Oh boy

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Posted by Robinella

I've been a bridesmaid and a maid of honor this year...and it was damn expensive. I hated the feeling that I had to give money to whatever anyone planned (no one got together to discuss anyones financial situation..u know some people cant afford more than 50 dollars for the bridal shower..etc) and I hated being made to feel like i was endebted to the bride just cause she asked me to be in her bridal party. In my opinion MOH and BM's are there to support u, emotionally...and to stand up with you cause they care about you, not cause they want to spend all their money on your parties and be beck and call to your every need. Since ive had experience with girls like that I decdied i would never expect that of my girls...i think its a crappy attitude to take..no offense, but some brides just care about how much their bridal party chips in and i think thats sucky.

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You are absolutely right. Being a bridesmaid does cost a lot of money and she should have been up front with everyone from the beginning. If this really bothers you, maybe you should talk to her BM about it. She may be keeping things from you about it because she's embarassed.