I am a bridesmaid for a Sunday wedding coming up in a few weeks. I work and live in NYC but the wedding is in NJ. The last bus back to NYC is at 11pm but I won't make it to the bus stop unless I leave the reception at least 1 hour early.
As a bridesmaid, am I 'required' to stay until the very end?
I can stay in NJ overnight and take a bus in the morning, but I would prefer not to spend extra money on a hotel room. Being a bridesmaid is not cheap!
Any suggestions on how to handle this?
Juhgail
Posted:
Member since
Re: Are bridesmaids 'required' to stay until the end?
Hopefully your bride is a really good friend.
I would just ell her just like you told us and she is bound to understand.
Unless she offers to pay for car/service/limmo you HAVE to leave right?
Maybe she knows someone who lives by you and is willing to give you a ride home.
But talk to her.
julesrbf
Posted:
Member since
Re: Are bridesmaids 'required' to stay until the end?
Hmm. I was a BM once and I did leave a little early but I did not leave a whole hour early. I think that may be pushing it. Honestly, I would look into staying the night or maybe arranging for a very nice and understanding friend or FH to drive you home.
MrsCastanedain09
Posted:
Member since
Re: Are bridesmaids 'required' to stay until the end?
I would expect a BM to stay until the end just as I have every time I've been a BM.
Can you chip in with some girls for a room or car service? See if the limo company will offer a discount for a towncar?
MrsBlueRibbon
Posted:
Member since
Re: Are bridesmaids 'required' to stay until the end?
I don't think you are 'required' to stay until the end. I think people who have a Sunday night wedding understand that you have work the next day and have to leave a little early. FH was a GM this past year at a Sunday night wedding that did not end till 1am and we left at 11pm along with 3/4 of the other guests and most of the bridal party. I am sure your friend will understand you have work the next day and do not live close.
pa56
Posted:
Member since
Re: Are bridesmaids 'required' to stay until the end?
Unfortunately, I am the ONLY person at this wedding that I know lives in NYC.
None of the other bridesmaid do (well, one does but is staying in NJ the night with her husband).
I will look into cheap car service! Thanks for the advice!
Juhgail
Posted:
Member since
Re: Are bridesmaids 'required' to stay until the end?
I want to very respectfully disagree with the other 2 posters. But I also am a very laid back bride who requires nothing from my girls except be my friend and have a good time.
IMHO you should tell the bride your situation. It still remains that if you dont get the last bus you will be really stuck in a bad position. I cant believe that your bride would be so bent out of shape.
But again, talk to her. She might be angry but you still have no choice. See if you can get a ride/share a ride something.
Its early enough that if she WANTS you to stay she can help you figure this out.
Again, I say this with a great deal of respect to the other posters!
Juhgail
Posted:
Member since
Re: Are bridesmaids 'required' to stay until the end?
you have FM
20mrsc10
Posted:
Member since
Re: Are bridesmaids 'required' to stay until the end?
im going to say i would be really annoyed if any of my bm left early (no offense), even if my wedding was on a sunday night..i mean your friend asked you to be there for her on her special day-not just part of it..also..will her cake even be cut at that point? i dunno imo i really would be upset..i know it's expensive, but still...
wo0shply
Posted:
Member since
Re: Are bridesmaids 'required' to stay until the end?
I would ask the bride if it was ok if you left an hour early to make the last bus. I think she will understand.
dani1128
Posted:
Member since
Re: Are bridesmaids 'required' to stay until the end?
i personally would get a hotel room.. or ask if someone wants to share a room and stay till the am.. i figure a wedding is only about 6 hours i wouldnt want to miss the last hour.. but then again im always the last one to leave anywhere LOL
jonsgirl04
Posted:
Member since
Re: Are bridesmaids 'required' to stay until the end?
Cant be as bad as my Bm leaving right after dinner..
No card, no gift, paid for hair and makeup and dress!!
I wouldnt have minded if she left an hour early but I had more than one issue with this one BM.
AdriandSteve
Posted:
Member since
Re: Are bridesmaids 'required' to stay until the end?
I'd talk to her and explain that you have to leave. Make ur decision first about what is possible for you to do though cuz if you ask her if it's ok to leave u give her the option of saying no.
pa56
Posted:
Member since
Re: Are bridesmaids 'required' to stay until the end?
Posted by AdriandSteve
I'd talk to her and explain that you have to leave. Make ur decision first about what is possible for you to do though cuz if you ask her if it's ok to leave u give her the option of saying no.
That's true. I will have to do my research and figure out the pros/cons of staying the night vs. taking a bus vs. staying later and taking a car service.
Rosalind_75
Posted:
Member since
Re: Are bridesmaids 'required' to stay until the end?
how far in advance did she ask you to be a bm? did you know in advance where the wedding was going to be?
pa56
Posted:
Member since
Re: Are bridesmaids 'required' to stay until the end?
Posted by Rosalind_75
how far in advance did she ask you to be a bm? did you know in advance where the wedding was going to be?
She had a short engagement...just about 6 months. But she changed the timing of the reception and pushed everything back by 2 hours. I didn't know this until I got the invitation! The wedding is Sunday May 31.
Rosalind_75
Posted:
Member since
Re: Are bridesmaids 'required' to stay until the end?
Posted by pa56
Posted by Rosalind_75
how far in advance did she ask you to be a bm? did you know in advance where the wedding was going to be?
She had a short engagement...just about 6 months. But she changed the timing of the reception and pushed everything back by 2 hours. I didn't know this until I got the invitation! The wedding is Sunday May 31.
six months is short. doesnt really give you that much time to prepare/save. i really am shocked that she didnt even tell you about changing the time. considering you're a bm and all.
did she block hotel rooms? are any other bm staying?
jcreilly
Posted:
Member since
Re: Are bridesmaids 'required' to stay until the end?
Posted by Juhgail
Hopefully your bride is a really good friend.
I would just ell her just like you told us and she is bound to understand.
Unless she offers to pay for car/service/limmo you HAVE to leave right?
Maybe she knows someone who lives by you and is willing to give you a ride home.
But talk to her.
I agree she mostly likly would not mind if you slip out a little early
pa56
Posted:
Member since
Re: Are bridesmaids 'required' to stay until the end?
Posted by Rosalind_75
Posted by pa56
Posted by Rosalind_75
how far in advance did she ask you to be a bm? did you know in advance where the wedding was going to be?
She had a short engagement...just about 6 months. But she changed the timing of the reception and pushed everything back by 2 hours. I didn't know this until I got the invitation! The wedding is Sunday May 31.
six months is short. doesnt really give you that much time to prepare/save. i really am shocked that she didnt even tell you about changing the time. considering you're a bm and all.
did she block hotel rooms? are any other bm staying?
Yes, she blocked hotel rooms and there are still plenty left. All BMs live in NJ except one, who is staying in the hotel with her husband.
Iluvpoodles
Posted:
Member since
Re: Are bridesmaids 'required' to stay until the end?
You're not required. My FH was in a bridal party recently and we left about 45 min early. Our ride home got sick. I told him I thought he should have stayed, but the rest of the BP was staying over and we weren't so he had no choice but to leave early.
