I want to invite one ex-boyfriend of mine to the wedding. We were a couple in high school and my first year of college. He's one of the nicest people in the world. I just was never 'in love' with him. (I was dumb-- we should have just stayed very good friends all along.)
My ex had a very hard time getting over me, and didn't date again for years. He eventually told me he couldn't stay close friends with me or he would never move on and meet someone new. So I backed off, and he's been in relationships since then.
We haven't kept in close touch for the last few years, but we do see each other every six months or so and have fun (with my FI and other friends, of course). We still care about each other a lot and I don't think he has any 'leftover feelings' for me anymore.
At first, FI was jealous about this and didn't want us to stay in touch, but he mostly came around-- he even invited my ex to a small surprise birthday party for me last year and admitted that he thinks he's a good guy.
I haven't broached the subject with FI, but I think I have to soon. What do you think? Is it okay to want to invite him?
aliasPook
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Re: Are you inviting any exes?
I would ask FI first. Remind him that he was at your other party, and he is over you and see if he minds.
janatlantica
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IMO, If there is nothing left feelings-wise AND he is actively dating someone, I say why not? At my wedding, I invited an ex of mine and his wife. However,I also almost invited my DH's ex, so you can tell I'm pretty liberal on this one.
Becky
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First and foremost, I think this depends on how comfortable your FI feels. If he is cool with it, then I don't see the problem. I think it is great that you have kept in touch with him all of these years. I avoid all of my exes like the plaque
Jax430
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Ok, I'm weird and I'm friends with most of my exs. My fiance has no problem with them and at least one of them, who is a mutual friend and got us together, is in the wedding party! In total, I think I'm going to have 5 exs at my wedding and my fiance is going to have 2. It totally depends on your current relationship with the guys and how your fiance feels about it.
smooch
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I'm inviting 2 of my exes. One was from high school. We haven't dated since our senior year, which was almost 10 years ago now. The other was the person I was with right before FH. We were together for 5 years. He means the world to me, I love him dearly, but as a friend. FH is not sure how he feels about it. It makes him a bit uncomfortable I think, but I also think he knows that I am in love with HIM, not my ex, and that I want my ex there only because I want my loved ones to see me marry FH. And on his side, we aren't inviting any exes but he does have people with whom I have had serious problems, and they are invited. It's our day, we'll just enjoy it.
kelly6273
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You still have so much time to decide. See if your relationship progresses.
StayandJohn
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One of my BM's is now going out with my ex, so I guess he'll be coming too.
chmpgnrose
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Nope. They broke my heart and I don't want to have anything to do with them. I don't even want to continue pursuing any sort of friendship type of relationship with any of them. I'd threw out their phone numbers and any contact info of theirs out of my mind and anywhere written in my house. To me, throwing away their contact info was therapeutic and cleansing my mind to mend a broken heart. To me, an ex will always be an ex nothing more than--not even a friend but an ex to be kept in the back of a closet of the past.
Yes, they will be conflicting feelings with your Fi should he be face to meet your ex. It's really up to you, everyone's different. Do what works best for you but whatever you decide think about how your Fi feels of having your old ex around on your special day. How would you feel if your Fi wanted to invite one of his exes to your wedding?
Alvatorre74
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I would definately NOT!!!....Especially if you guys had such a long relationship...How would you feel if he invited an ex of his that you knew had feelings for him the way this guy had for u..
cw0904
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Personally, I wouldn’t. An ex to me is an ex. A relationship I had with someone in my past that I no longer have is kept in my past. I would not feel comfortable having FH’s exes at any of our events and I wouldn’t want to have mine there either. Besides the fact that I don’t trust exes in general is a good reason for me not to invite any exes to our wedding.
Thrilled
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An ex is an ex. God knows none of ours are invited. I wouldn't stand for it. Nor would he.
IMO if this guy is a very casual friend, why invite him?
nrvbrd
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Hell No!!!!!
Robeymuse
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We have talked about this. I am still friends with a few of them. So is he. We decided that if we still think about them as 'an ex' then they would not be invited. We both have people we consider friends whom we just happened to have dated. They will be invited. It was a hard decision to make but these people are genuinely our friends and we want them to share our special day.
smooch
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I think you have to look at how solid your relationship with your FH is. My FH and I have a very solid relationship. Having an ex around doesn't make either of us feel vulnerable.
The BF before my FH and I broke up for a reason - we weren't meant to be together. We fell out of love. But he is a terrific person whose friendship means a lot to me. He is an important part of my life, just as my lady friends are. We had a mature relationship and we are able to differeniate between our friendship now and our relationship then. I don't think of him as an 'ex', I think of him as my friend.
There is no hard answer on whether or not to invite people from your romantic past. It depends on the solidity of your relationship, and the maturity of those involved, and why you want that person there at all.
butterfly20
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that decision should be upto your fiance.. a surprise birthday is one thing.. but a wedding.. what if someone asks 'does anyone object?' is he going to chime in with feelings that came back.. he might start thinking 'that could have been me up there'... it depends on your situation.. definately ask your FI
sept20yay!
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I would like to, but FH would flip out!
LisaT
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we both had an ex at our wedding. One was the guy I was dating when I met DH (his friend). We dated for 5 years and he was my first love. We're still friends now and I like having him in my life. It took awhile but the friend got over our relationship, but we're both still friends with him now.
The other was AL's ex-girlfriend, who he had a hard time getting over, but is now friends with. She even flew in from CO for the event.
(funny thing is, when I was dating my ex, and he was dating his, the 4 of us went on a double date together).
I think when you're getting married, you shouldn't be concerned with ex's anymore. At that point you should be over your past relationships and you should both be secure enough in your current one. If you managed to maintain friendships with ex's (and they're not still carrying a torch), why not invite them? They're not 'ex's' anymore, they're friends.
eroxgirl
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Like Robeymuse said, I have a friend that I happened to have dated for a minute in highschool, who is getting married the week before us, that I'm inviting. I won't invite anyone I consider an 'ex' though. NO WAY! Too weird.
nrvbrd
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I do not think it is a question about being secure in your relationship as I am sure we all are. However I only have 2 ex boyfriends, I dumped them both and though years have passed, people have moved on, for me it would be kind of weird to invite them to my wedding.
