I want to invite one ex-boyfriend of mine to the wedding. We were a couple in high school and my first year of college. He's one of the nicest people in the world. I just was never 'in love' with him. (I was dumb-- we should have just stayed very good friends all along.)
My ex had a very hard time getting over me, and didn't date again for years. He eventually told me he couldn't stay close friends with me or he would never move on and meet someone new. So I backed off, and he's been in relationships since then.
We haven't kept in close touch for the last few years, but we do see each other every six months or so and have fun (with my FI and other friends, of course). We still care about each other a lot and I don't think he has any 'leftover feelings' for me anymore.
At first, FI was jealous about this and didn't want us to stay in touch, but he mostly came around-- he even invited my ex to a small surprise birthday party for me last year and admitted that he thinks he's a good guy.
I haven't broached the subject with FI, but I think I have to soon. What do you think? Is it okay to want to invite him?
LisaT
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Re: Are you inviting any exes?
nrvbrd - in your situation, I wouldn't invite them either. I was referring to those 'ex's' that people kept in touch with and were still friends with.
I just don't understand all the jealously and insecurity around ex's. A couple people mentioned that they were completely opposed to the idea. Thats what I don't get. If there are no hard feelings, and you're friends now (meaning they're not trying to break you up and you get along well), why should they be treated any differently than any other friend?
Its understood that there are some ex's you would never invite! Notice only ONE of my ex's was there
cw0904
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Re: Are you inviting any exes?
The reason I am completely opposed to still being friends with exes is because I don’t trust exes. Never said I was insecure or jealous of them. I completely trust FH however, his exes NO! I would not by any means feel comfortable being buddy buddy with an ex that FH has been with. I have experienced before FH, and FH has told me stories from his past where exes have tried to ruin the current relationship he was in and likewise it has happened to me. We don’t need those people to be our friends. I wouldn’t feel comfortable keeping in touch with an ex that I have had a history with. Its not fair to FH. And my relationship with FH is more important to me than someone in my past. Personally I just never saw the need to be friends with my exes. Our relationship was over and I moved on. It just depends in everyone’s particular situation.
danigirl0
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Re: Are you inviting any exes?
of course! at this stage of the game...you are all adults and any feelings are long gone. my gosh, high school? i have the same situation, and i dont think my fiance or myself would even give it a second thought. you and your fi are togteher now because you want to spend your lives together....your ex is your friend and someone dear to your heart. if you didnt invite him, i think it would be weird.
violetfairy
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Thank you, all! I'm going to talk to FI about it tonight. Will let you know how it goes.
octbridetobe
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Re: Are you inviting any exes?
I actually am inviting my ex from high school. We stayed friends and now he lives out of state. My parents have stayed close with his parents and they are coming to the wedding too. My fiance is fine with it. They all met and get along.
violetfairy
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Re: Are you inviting any exes?
Yeah, that was the thing that I wanted to point out-- we dated 10 *years* ago when we were teenagers, so that's why I even considered inviting him. I wouldn't invite anyone who I dated recently... to me, that would probably be weird.
rosebud
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Re: Are you inviting any exes?
Ask yourself if it is really worth potentially upsetting your FH? He might say he is ok with it, but deep down feel a bit uncomfortable, and that is not fair. Remember, it is his day too.
I still keep in touch with one ex, know I could go to him if I ever needed to, etc, however I do not feel it is necessary to invite him to the wedding.
Whatever you decide, make sure you have your FH's best interests in mind.
Good luck!
violetfairy
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Re: Are you inviting any exes?
Thanks, rosebud! Luckily, FI always tells me EXACTLY what's on his mind... wait, maybe that's unlucky sometimes , so if he says it's OK, I'll know that's how he really feels. 'Course, he might say, 'Hell, no!' too... I'll have to respect it either way, I suppose.
bride2be2004
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Re: Are you inviting any exes?
well considering that you guys don't really keep in touch, why do you want to invite him? knowing that he had a hard time getting over you i'd say leave well enough alone. i'm sure he wouldn't wish you bad but i'm sure he wouldn't want to be there to see you get married either. if you guys were good friends that kept in touch on a regular basis then i say sure but considering that you don't and only hang out when you bump into each other i say not. jmo
violetfairy
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Re: Are you inviting any exes?
Hey bride2be, I just meant that we don't keep in 'close' touch, meaning that we don't talk every week or anything. We do see each other every now and then and talk on the phone. Even though we don't get to see each other much, I still value his friendship a lot and think he's a fantastic person.
I know this sounds silly, but I kinda WISH that FI had an ex that he kept in touch with... I feel like it would make it easier for him to understand. 'Course, I should probably count my blessings.
bride2be2004
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Re: Are you inviting any exes?
hey violet, you should be glad be careful of what you wish for. i don't think that fi should feel threatened. my fi has a 4yr old son and his mother is welcome to come. i have no need to be jealous, cause he's marrying me! but you have to respect his feelings and take it as a compliment. he loves you so much that he doesn't want to chance losing you. not like that is an option i'm sure but at least he cares.
violetfairy
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bride2be, that's a great attitude! So nice of you to invite fi's son's mom. See? What the world needs now is love... sweet love...
bride2be2004
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yeah right, . maybe she'll meet someone and stop being so miserable.
wenndypoo
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It's the only thing that there's just too little of......
(sing along )
spel
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Re: Are you inviting any exes?
there is no way i would ever invite an ex of mine, but then again i do not have friendships with exes.
you, on the other hand, are in a tough situation! even bringing up the topic with FH could cause a problem here. i have no wonderful advice but good luck with this... let us know what you decide.
violetfairy
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Wow! Good news!
That was the easiest 'difficult talk' I've ever had. It went like this:
Me: Is it okay if we invite (him) to the wedding?
Fi: Yes.
Me: Really? Are you sure?
Fi: Yes. Now help me clean the house.
And that was the end of it.
HOORAY!
bride2be2004
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Re: Wow! Good news!
now that's why you are marrying him cause he's super! now make sure you give him a great big for being a great guy!
Kathy116
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Re: Are you inviting any exes?
We are not, we never kept in touch with any of them.
violetfairy
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Re: Are you inviting any exes?
You betcha! He got some extra smoochies for that one.
juju
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Re: Are you inviting any exes?
I'm not. All my exes live in Texas (Literally) And if they lived in NY, I still wouldn't. But, I guess it all depends on your FI comfort level. Good Luck
