Asking a bridesmaid to step down

Does anyone have experience with this? I really regret asking one of my bridesmaids. I don't know how to handle it, but I want her out....

Asking a bridesmaid to step down

no experience. Im sorry to hear you are going through this though.

Asking a bridesmaid to step down

If you wanna keep the friendship with this girl I wouldn't BUT if it doesn't matter to you then I'd kindly just be honest and explain. Be sensitive to her feelings though because she will probably be hurt. It's a stinky situation. Sorry you are going through this.

Re: Asking a bridesmaid to step down

I went through this but not on good terms. Unfortunatly my BM who was supposed to be my best friend showed no interest in my wedding plans throughout the whole process. I found out from my other BM's and my MIL that she also wanted no part of my shower (didnt' contribute time, thoughts or money) and had the nerve NOT to come to my shower. When I confronted her on it she said 'Oh my father had a heart attack a week ago. Didn't you get my text?' I said no and you had NO plans on coming the whole time because you had told the other BM's and my MIL that you weren't coming the DAY you received the invitation to the shower. So we had a big fight, she backed out (THANK GOD!) and I replaced her in my wedding party. Not to mention we don't speak at all anymore.

I hope your situation isn't that severe but unfortunately there probably isn't any nice way to do it. If you aren't going to replace her then you can just say your FH doesn't have enough groomsmen to match the BM's so you need to ask someone to step down.

HTH

Asking a bridesmaid to step down

So sorry you're going through this!!

I had regrets at times about one bridesmaid, but I decided that in the end, I'd rather deal with her being a pain in my behind and be friends at the end of all of this than ruin our friendship.

But, if you're sure you're ready to walk away, just be honest, as nicely as possible. Maybe talk to her about what is bothering you and see if she changes her behavior? Sometimes people don't know they're acting like lunatics until someone points it out to them.

Good luck!

Asking a bridesmaid to step down

I don't personally have experience with it but my sister in law does. When she wah marrying my brother she had a friend who not only didn't want to be bothered with anything wedding but was totally avoiding her. They had a huge fight so she kicked her out of the wedding and replaced her with my cousin. She was much happier in the end. It did end the friendship but the girl wasn't such a good friend anyway.

Asking a bridesmaid to step down

If shes a good friend she would want to be involved. If she makes you unhappy then ask her to step down. You should be having fun planning and not stressed on your big day.

Asking a bridesmaid to step down

Be sensitive to the fact that she may have already spent money on a dress and/or your shower. Being that your wedding is only 2 months away this may come as a big shock to her. Explain your reasoning behind it and tell her why you've decided this and why/if you still want to continue being friends.

Re: Asking a bridesmaid to step down

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Posted by DharmaColbie86

If shes a good friend she would want to be involved. If she makes you unhappy then ask her to step down. You should be having fun planning and not stressed on your big day.

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Agreed!!

Re: Asking a bridesmaid to step down

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Posted by cj21512

Be sensitive to the fact that she may have already spent money on a dress and/or your shower. Being that your wedding is only 2 months away this may come as a big shock to her. Explain your reasoning behind it and tell her why you've decided this and why/if you still want to continue being friends.

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I bought her dress and she didn't pay a dime for my shower. In fact, she sat at my shower with a puss on her face the entire time.

Asking a bridesmaid to step down

I went through this. She was horrible the entire time. I 'relieved' her of her duties right after my bachelorette party which was in August and my wedding was in October. I felt so relieved after it was all done and over with. Just be honest with her, address the issues you have (lack of interest etc) and tell her you think it would be best if she stepped down. I ended up writing an email (which may seem the chicken way out) but I knew had I called her and spoke with her about it I would end up leaving things out, she's cry and I'd feel bad and let her stay in. I did say that once the wedding was over with if she wanted to try and mend our friendship we could and it was up to her to make that decision but I never heard from her again which is fine with me. As sad as it is that we are no longer friends I didn't miss her (or her drama) at all day of or since. Just think about it for a few days before you do anything. Let it sit in and then make your decision.

Re: Asking a bridesmaid to step down

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Posted by KroertGS

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Posted by cj21512

Be sensitive to the fact that she may have already spent money on a dress and/or your shower. Being that your wedding is only 2 months away this may come as a big shock to her. Explain your reasoning behind it and tell her why you've decided this and why/if you still want to continue being friends.

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I bought her dress and she didn't pay a dime for my shower. In fact, she sat at my shower with a puss on her face the entire time.

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Wow, I saw your wedding date and thought it might not be fair if she already bought the dress. But if she hasn't contributed any money or support, then definitely just do whatever would make you feel most comfortable that day. Be prepared, it may end a friendship. But it sounds like you might be fed up with her as a friend anyway.

Re: Asking a bridesmaid to step down

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Posted by lpatticake

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Posted by KroertGS

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Posted by cj21512

Be sensitive to the fact that she may have already spent money on a dress and/or your shower. Being that your wedding is only 2 months away this may come as a big shock to her. Explain your reasoning behind it and tell her why you've decided this and why/if you still want to continue being friends.

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I bought her dress and she didn't pay a dime for my shower. In fact, she sat at my shower with a puss on her face the entire time.

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Wow, I saw your wedding date and thought it might not be fair if she already bought the dress. But if she hasn't contributed any money or support, then definitely just do whatever would make you feel most comfortable that day. Be prepared, it may end a friendship. But it sounds like you might be fed up with her as a friend anyway.

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This

Asking a bridesmaid to step down

I have no experience w/ this but if you really feel strongly about this, I would just have an honest conversation w/ her and ask her to step down. It's not worth the headaches. If this was a reallly good friend, she wouldnt be acting like this. Sometimes weddings bring out the worse in some people. She may even be just jealous. Good luck!!

Asking a bridesmaid to step down

i was on the opposite end of this - a bridesmaid in a wedding and wanted out.

i stuck it out then but looking back, i wish i was honest with her then about how she made me feel throughout the entire process and i WISH i dropped out. we're not friends any longer (thank god!) - but sometimes as a bride, you need to consider your friends feelings as well. in addition to everything else you have on your plate, of course ;)

edit: sorry, meant to also add, that she may be looking for a way out but doesnt want to hurt your feelings... so you may want to delicately bring this up and give her the option?

Re: Asking a bridesmaid to step down

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Posted by mrs2012

i was on the opposite end of this - a bridesmaid in a wedding and wanted out.

i stuck it out then but looking back, i wish i was honest with her then about how she made me feel throughout the entire process and i WISH i dropped out. we're not friends any longer (thank god!) - but sometimes as a bride, you need to consider your friends feelings as well. in addition to everything else you have on your plate, of course ;)

edit: sorry, meant to also add, that she may be looking for a way out but doesnt want to hurt your feelings... so you may want to delicately bring this up and give her the option?

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I get it. But after someone mentioning several times throughout our friendship that she hopes to be in my wedding one day, how could her feelings suddenly change and 'want out?' It's very selfish and strange, IMO. I have decided to not stress about it. If she doesn't get her stuff done, she won't walk down the aisle. Simple as that.

Asking a bridesmaid to step down

There is no easy way to do this, no way. You have to weigh the drama of asking her to step down with the drama of having a pouty, unhappy BM steal the spotlight on YOUR day.
If you ask her to leave, make it seem as that you are doing it for her sake as much as anything as MRS 2012 said.
Have the conversation sweetly and with concern in your heart(even if you have to fake it!LOL) and then just move on with your planning. Good Luck!!!!

Re: Asking a bridesmaid to step down

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Posted by KroertGS

I get it. But after someone mentioning several times throughout our friendship that she hopes to be in my wedding one day, how could her feelings suddenly change and 'want out?' It's very selfish and strange, IMO. I have decided to not stress about it. If she doesn't get her stuff done, she won't walk down the aisle. Simple as that.

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THE EXACT SAME THING HAPPENED TO US. We were supposed to be moh of eachother's wedding. i was a bm in hers - and she did nothing we spoke about for years. and she was NOT in mine. and i have no regret about it either. people change...i think relationships change people. its selfish and yes, strange. completely. i wish i had an answer.