Asking a Bridesmaid to step down...***UPDATE***

ok... long story short... There's a BM that already paid for her dress.. The dresses has not come in as yet.. but some things happened the night of my shower on Saturday (after the shower ended) that I can not get over... how do I do this??

1- Ask her to step down and reimburse her for the dress, and I get stuck w/ the dress or -

2- Ask her to step down and tell her when the dress comes in I'll ship it to her?

TIA

***UPDATE***

Ok the EX-BM called me on Tuesday, saying that she was upset about Saturday night?!!! That there was sooo much negativity and what not.. so this was my opportunity to tell her how I felt about saturday night. I basically told her that it was HER who brought the drama and negativity that night... and I can take the risk of this happening th night of the Bach. Party and the night before the wedding and especially the day of the wedding. I went on to tell her that she embarassed me and I don't want to feel that I have baby sit everything that she says or does for the upcoming events She then went on to say that, that if this is how I feel then maybe she shouldn't be apart of the bridal party being that I can't trust her. Also, she will not be attending the wedding as a guest either (although I was still going to invite her to the wedding). She also said that when I can I should reimburse her for the dress asap... so I basically said will do.. I will send a check by Monday. it seems to me that this ex-bm is more mad than I am?? when it should be the other way around.

Seriously, I will definitely reevaluate my 'Friends' after this wedding is over. I'm so sick of people being fake. Claiming that they're happy and excited for you and then their true colors/feelings come out. The people who tell me that they're happy for me when deep down they're faking the funk... newsflash... I KNOW YOUR FAKING IT! so don't play me... I'm not dumb (ok maybe I am). Don't they know that I can see right through them???

I think if you are asking her to step down then you should not ask her to pay for the dress...since it is your decision to get rid of her.

Do you have someone that can take her place & would fit in the dress?

Otherwise try selling it...or maybe the salon will give you some money towards it and sell it off the rack? just some ideas.

i think it depends on how angry you are

the kinder thing to do is pay for the dress

oh gosh, this really hard, um i would givwe her back money,

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Posted by HamptonsBride

I think if you are asking her to step down then you should not ask her to pay for the dress...since it is your decision to get rid of her.

Do you have someone that can take her place & would fit in the dress?

Otherwise try selling it...or maybe the salon will give you some money towards it and sell it off the rack? just some ideas.

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I agree, you can't stiff her with the dress. Do you have a relative that can take her place that maybe is close in her size ?

to answer everyone's question...

After the shower ended most of us went to my cousin's (aka my MOH) house.. to have a few cocktails and shoot the $hit... it was 6 girls... we were waiting for the time to go by b/c we were going to go to a club nearby.. but it was too early...

She said some really nasty things about the people there... very negative and harsh... Saying things like 'girls who talk about their sex life are ho's' and and she said that she doesn't appreciate the fact that just b/c other girls around her are getting married... means that she has to get married??? nobody is pressuring you??!!!! she also, pushed my cousin to the floor purposely!

she was speaking down to a lot of the girls there.. making them feel uncomfortable... and there were so many other severe things she was saying that night... it's just too much to type right now... I don't need the stress nor the tension... couldn't they understand that for one night I could've done w/out the drama?? what's gonna happen on the night of the Bach. Party, the night before the wedding and the day of the wedding?? I can't have that type of negative energy around me that day? please, keep in mind that this is not the first time that she has acted this way.. this is all the time! she also, knocked her drink over purposely so that it can spill all over my MOH's best friend (who helped my MOH plan my entire bridal shower).. And I saw this with my own eyes!

I might just ask her to step down and eat the bill for the dress... I don't think that I could've asked to back out and keep her money but give her the dress...

I am not trying to bash you or anything but why is this person in your BP to begin with. From the looks of it she seems like a real B!#@#.

Was she always this way, even before you added her to your BP?

I would pay for the dress so she has nothing to b itch about!

I hate people, i feel for ya...I am so angry at my BP and others right now...

But I would just pay for the dresss...

GL!

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Posted by christina&mike07

that's the thing.. with me she was always nice... but whenever she drinks she always finds herself in a fight with someone... I thought that she would know that for the wedding that she would tone it down... she always kept on telling me that don't worry girl.. this day is all about you.. and you don't anyone stressing you out... so I thought that she would respect the fact everyone at my MOH's house was there for me.. and that she would'nt cause any beef.. but I was wrong... and she threw herself into my Bridal Party.. I thought.. wow she must be really happy for me that she wants to be apart of my day./.. how can I say no?? now I wish I did say no. she automatically thought that she was in the BP.. when I first told her that i got engaged.. she was excited and said so what colors are we wearing and when are we going dress shopping...

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OMG I just read this and one of my BM is the same way! She picked a fight with me calling me a bad friend one night when she was drinking..>I am just letting her be in the BP and as soon as the wedding isover...off with u!

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Posted by christina&mike07

that's the thing.. with me she was always nice... but whenever she drinks she always finds herself in a fight with someone... I thought that she would know that for the wedding that she would tone it down... she always kept on telling me that don't worry girl.. this day is all about you.. and you don't anyone stressing you out... so I thought that she would respect the fact everyone at my MOH's house was there for me.. and that she would'nt cause any beef.. but I was wrong... and she threw herself into my Bridal Party.. I thought.. wow she must be really happy for me that she wants to be apart of my day./.. how can I say no?? now I wish I did say no. she automatically thought that she was in the BP.. when I first told her that i got engaged.. she was excited and said so what colors are we wearing and when are we going dress shopping...

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WOW I am sorry this turned out this way.... I can agree with you, she is too unpredictable to be allowed in your wedding. I swear as I read this post she reminded me of how people acted back in HS. She needs to GROW UP!!!!! Now that I see the whole story I would want to be spiteful and stiff her with the dress but then again she may crash your wedding. Have you tried to tell her about herself?

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Posted by GwynethBride

i think it depends on how angry you are

the kinder thing to do is pay for the dress

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I agree.

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Posted by SoulMates422

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Posted by christina&mike07

that's the thing.. with me she was always nice... but whenever she drinks she always finds herself in a fight with someone... I thought that she would know that for the wedding that she would tone it down... she always kept on telling me that don't worry girl.. this day is all about you.. and you don't anyone stressing you out... so I thought that she would respect the fact everyone at my MOH's house was there for me.. and that she would'nt cause any beef.. but I was wrong... and she threw herself into my Bridal Party.. I thought.. wow she must be really happy for me that she wants to be apart of my day./.. how can I say no?? now I wish I did say no. she automatically thought that she was in the BP.. when I first told her that i got engaged.. she was excited and said so what colors are we wearing and when are we going dress shopping...

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WOW I am sorry this turned out this way.... I can agree with you, she is too unpredictable to be allowed in your wedding. I swear as I read this post she reminded me of how people acted back in HS. She needs to GROW UP!!!!! Now that I see the whole story I would want to be spiteful and stiff her with the dress but then again she may crash your wedding. Have you tried to tell her about herself?

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Yes, bridal parties seem to bring everyone back to HS. My only concern about giving her the dress would be, as SoulMates422 mentioned, if she tries to crash the wedding and the BP. It's one thing for her to show up at your wedding, acting like an arse. It's another thing for her to still think that she can be in the BP even if you tell her to get out. I wouldn't take the chance, ask her to step down and keep the dress until after the wedding. You have to take care of you now. I'm so sorry to hear this.

I think that if you're going to ask her to step down, you need to reimburse her for the dress.
Is she near your size? Perhaps you can wear the dress for something else.

I am so sorry that it came down to this. I would try having a talk with her though and letting her know what she did and how you feel about it. Just so that your both on the same page as to why she is no longer in your party.

Just so things are left on good terms though I would pay for the dress and sell it on Ebay.

I am really sorry that you are having to go through this.