Asking a Bridesmaid to step down...UPDATE

Original post by njbound07

Jan 30, 2007 01:30 PM

ok... long story short... There's a BM that already paid for her dress.. The dresses has not come in as yet.. but some things happened the night of my shower on Saturday (after the shower ended) that I can not get over... how do I do this??

1- Ask her to step down and reimburse her for the dress, and I get stuck w/ the dress or -

2- Ask her to step down and tell her when the dress comes in I'll ship it to her?

TIA

***UPDATE***

Ok the EX-BM called me on Tuesday, saying that she was upset about Saturday night?!!! That there was sooo much negativity and what not.. so this was my opportunity to tell her how I felt about saturday night. I basically told her that it was HER who brought the drama and negativity that night... and I can take the risk of this happening th night of the Bach. Party and the night before the wedding and especially the day of the wedding. I went on to tell her that she embarassed me and I don't want to feel that I have baby sit everything that she says or does for the upcoming events She then went on to say that, that if this is how I feel then maybe she shouldn't be apart of the bridal party being that I can't trust her. Also, she will not be attending the wedding as a guest either (although I was still going to invite her to the wedding). She also said that when I can I should reimburse her for the dress asap... so I basically said will do.. I will send a check by Monday. it seems to me that this ex-bm is more mad than I am?? when it should be the other way around.

Seriously, I will definitely reevaluate my 'Friends' after this wedding is over. I'm so sick of people being fake. Claiming that they're happy and excited for you and then their true colors/feelings come out. The people who tell me that they're happy for me when deep down they're faking the funk... newsflash... I KNOW YOUR FAKING IT! so don't play me... I'm not dumb (ok maybe I am). Don't they know that I can see right through them???

LyseeH Posted: Jan 30, 2007 05:08 PM

Re: Asking a Bridesmaid to step down...

Posted by christina&mike07

to answer everyone's question...

After the shower ended most of us went to my cousin's (aka my MOH) house.. to have a few cocktails and shoot the $hit... it was 6 girls... we were waiting for the time to go by b/c we were going to go to a club nearby.. but it was too early...

She said some really nasty things about the people there... very negative and harsh... Saying things like 'girls who talk about their sex life are ho's' and and she said that she doesn't appreciate the fact that just b/c other girls around her are getting married... means that she has to get married??? nobody is pressuring you??!!!! she also, pushed my cousin to the floor purposely!

she was speaking down to a lot of the girls there.. making them feel uncomfortable... and there were so many other severe things she was saying that night... it's just too much to type right now... I don't need the stress nor the tension... couldn't they understand that for one night I could've done w/out the drama?? what's gonna happen on the night of the Bach. Party, the night before the wedding and the day of the wedding?? I can't have that type of negative energy around me that day? please, keep in mind that this is not the first time that she has acted this way.. this is all the time! she also, knocked her drink over purposely so that it can spill all over my MOH's best friend (who helped my MOH plan my entire bridal shower).. And I saw this with my own eyes!

I might just ask her to step down and eat the bill for the dress... I don't think that I could've asked to back out and keep her money but give her the dress...

wow! That is a lot of things! I would have went off on her, but that's me.

As far as the dress, I would pay her the money. If you don't have anyone who can fill in and wear it, is it something you could wear sometime else? Just wondering cause I almost got stuck with a dress, if my friend didn't become a BM, i was going to keep it and wear it out.

eunicsd006 Posted: Jan 30, 2007 05:18 PM

Re: Asking a Bridesmaid to step down...

diva7531 Posted: Jan 30, 2007 05:24 PM

Re: Asking a Bridesmaid to step down...

just breathe ask her to step down and give her the money keep the dress. Good luck. I had a friend I was going to ask to be a BM and thank goodness she acted like an *** before I had the chance. I thought if she is acting this way now what will the next year be like and my poor other BM's, my sis was like thank you!
It's gonna suck but it will be worth it in the end.

TLC1018 Posted: Jan 30, 2007 06:40 PM

Re: Asking a Bridesmaid to step down...

Wow! I am so sorry you're going through all of this! Especially since it's so close to your wedding! I would keep the dress when it comes in, just give her the money and be done with the situation...It's a hard decision to make, but I think you did the right thing!

njbound07 Posted: Jan 30, 2007 07:55 PM

Re: Asking a Bridesmaid to step down...

thanks for all of the responses... I will be calling her tonight and see what the end result will be.. I don't want in my BP anymore.. she really turned me off.. I really felt embarassed for her & all the things that she was saying... I had to call all of the girls at my cousin's house.. to apologize for her behavoir... basically I was doing damage control... all day on sunday...

Everyone felt uncomfortable with the nasty/mean things she was saying.. noone knew how to respond to all the garbage she was saying... She even admitted to pushing my cousin.. but doesn't know why??!!! How could disrespect someone in their own house like that??? how will the rest of the BP act around her at the Bach Party and the night before the wedding and especially the day of the wedding?? Why should one person make 5 other girls uncomfortable and think that it's ok??

She also had the nerve to start off the convo today by saying that she was upset about Saturday night.. that SHE felt uncomfortable and that there was a lot tension... ummm HELLO it was her that brought on all the tension and drama! the nerve...

She could'nt even respect me enough to tone it down.. All the times that I hung out with her friends and what not.. I've never ever disrespect her or her friends.. so I don't understand why she would do that to me...

boy! wedding's bring out the best and the worst in people! I'll tell you this much.. after the wedding.., I will limit my contact with certain people... People who once claimed that they're happy and excited for me.. are really not...

I'll keep everyone posted about the convo and what the end results will be. thanks for all of your kind words and advice.!

njbound07 Posted: Jan 30, 2007 07:59 PM

Re: Asking a Bridesmaid to step down...

Posted by LyseeH

Posted by christina&mike07

to answer everyone's question...

After the shower ended most of us went to my cousin's (aka my MOH) house.. to have a few cocktails and shoot the $hit... it was 6 girls... we were waiting for the time to go by b/c we were going to go to a club nearby.. but it was too early...

She said some really nasty things about the people there... very negative and harsh... Saying things like 'girls who talk about their sex life are ho's' and and she said that she doesn't appreciate the fact that just b/c other girls around her are getting married... means that she has to get married??? nobody is pressuring you??!!!! she also, pushed my cousin to the floor purposely!

she was speaking down to a lot of the girls there.. making them feel uncomfortable... and there were so many other severe things she was saying that night... it's just too much to type right now... I don't need the stress nor the tension... couldn't they understand that for one night I could've done w/out the drama?? what's gonna happen on the night of the Bach. Party, the night before the wedding and the day of the wedding?? I can't have that type of negative energy around me that day? please, keep in mind that this is not the first time that she has acted this way.. this is all the time! she also, knocked her drink over purposely so that it can spill all over my MOH's best friend (who helped my MOH plan my entire bridal shower).. And I saw this with my own eyes!

I might just ask her to step down and eat the bill for the dress... I don't think that I could've asked to back out and keep her money but give her the dress...

wow! That is a lot of things! I would have went off on her, but that's me.

As far as the dress, I would pay her the money. If you don't have anyone who can fill in and wear it, is it something you could wear sometime else? Just wondering cause I almost got stuck with a dress, if my friend didn't become a BM, i was going to keep it and wear it out.

I'm not worried about filling in another BM.. I'm more worried about the drama that she will bring with.. I'm sorry.. but Mike and worked our butts off to pay for this wedding.. we also planned a really nice wedding for our memories.. and I don't need people like her tarnishing my memories and making life harder than what it really is at the moment. I will give her back her money and try to sell the dress on Ebay.

njbound07 Posted: Jan 30, 2007 07:59 PM

Re: Asking a Bridesmaid to step down...

Posted by HamptonsBride

I think if you are asking her to step down then you should not ask her to pay for the dress...since it is your decision to get rid of her.

Do you have someone that can take her place & would fit in the dress?

Otherwise try selling it...or maybe the salon will give you some money towards it and sell it off the rack? just some ideas.

that's a good idea.. but these dresses were paid in full when ordered... but I'll try ebay thanks!

StarryEyedBride Posted: Jan 30, 2007 08:04 PM

Re: Asking a Bridesmaid to step down...

Posted by HamptonsBride

I think if you are asking her to step down then you should not ask her to pay for the dress...since it is your decision to get rid of her.

Do you have someone that can take her place & would fit in the dress?

Otherwise try selling it...or maybe the salon will give you some money towards it and sell it off the rack? just some ideas.

I agree. Unfortunately you are going to be stuck with a bm dress..... maybe you can ebay it.

njbound07 Posted: Jan 30, 2007 08:05 PM

Re: Asking a Bridesmaid to step down...

Posted by SoulMates422

Posted by christina&mike07

that's the thing.. with me she was always nice... but whenever she drinks she always finds herself in a fight with someone... I thought that she would know that for the wedding that she would tone it down... she always kept on telling me that don't worry girl.. this day is all about you.. and you don't anyone stressing you out... so I thought that she would respect the fact everyone at my MOH's house was there for me.. and that she would'nt cause any beef.. but I was wrong... and she threw herself into my Bridal Party.. I thought.. wow she must be really happy for me that she wants to be apart of my day./.. how can I say no?? now I wish I did say no. she automatically thought that she was in the BP.. when I first told her that i got engaged.. she was excited and said so what colors are we wearing and when are we going dress shopping...

WOW I am sorry this turned out this way.... I can agree with you, she is too unpredictable to be allowed in your wedding. I swear as I read this post she reminded me of how people acted back in HS. She needs to GROW UP!!!!! Now that I see the whole story I would want to be spiteful and stiff her with the dress but then again she may crash your wedding. Have you tried to tell her about herself?

the girl is 33 yrs old! and she knows all about herself.. there's no need for me to tell her $hit she already knows about herself.. lol... but I'll be calling her back at 9pm (that's when my minutes start lol)... and tell her that I'm embarassed with the way she acted... no need for her tude on my day or any other day for that matter!

I'm willing to still let her come to the wedding as a guest if she wants to... I still want her to come and enjoy herself with her Boyfriend.. if she wants to end the friendship b/c she can't see/understand that what she said,did and acted is wrong... then tough noogies for her!

njbound07 Posted: Jan 30, 2007 08:05 PM

Re: Asking a Bridesmaid to step down...

Posted by StarryEyedBride

Posted by HamptonsBride

I think if you are asking her to step down then you should not ask her to pay for the dress...since it is your decision to get rid of her.

Do you have someone that can take her place & would fit in the dress?

Otherwise try selling it...or maybe the salon will give you some money towards it and sell it off the rack? just some ideas.

I agree. Unfortunately you are going to be stuck with a bm dress..... maybe you can ebay it.

I def.. had ebay on my mind thanks!

MF9282 Posted: Jan 30, 2007 08:49 PM

Re: Asking a Bridesmaid to step down...

It ***** but I would pay for the dress. Someone like that you don't need with you on the big day.

Look at it this way its a cheap price to pay to assure no troubvle will be caused on the day of the wedding.

AlBaBride Posted: Jan 30, 2007 08:52 PM

Re: Asking a Bridesmaid to step down...

I think it depends on whether or not you ever want to speak to her again...if the answer is no, go with choice #2...

I don't know the situation, but I'd probably give her the $ for the dress...unless she did something really f*cked up....

njbound07 Posted: Feb 02, 2007 05:07 PM

Re: Asking a Bridesmaid to step down...UPDATE

thanks for the support and hugs as i really needed all the hugs you ladies gave.. I have the update posted on the original post.. please read.

AlmostKulak Posted: Feb 02, 2007 05:20 PM

Re: Asking a Bridesmaid to step down...UPDATE

Goes to show you who your real friends are!!!

njbound07 Posted: Feb 02, 2007 05:27 PM

Re: Asking a Bridesmaid to step down...UPDATE

Posted by AlmostKulak

Goes to show you who your real friends are!!!

girl you are not lying! weddings brings out the best and the worst in people. i'm just happy that it's over and she is not in the wedding anymore.

HamptonsBride Posted: Feb 02, 2007 05:32 PM

Re: Asking a Bridesmaid to step down...UPDATE

well at least she backed herself out and you didn't have to worry about hurting her feelings or anything..and now you don't have to worry about her crap anymore!! sorry you had to deal with this...

njbound07 Posted: Feb 02, 2007 05:42 PM

Re: Asking a Bridesmaid to step down...UPDATE

Posted by HamptonsBride

well at least she backed herself out and you didn't have to worry about hurting her feelings or anything..and now you don't have to worry about her crap anymore!! sorry you had to deal with this...

thanks... too bad she wasn't thinking about my feelings when she was actin' a fool. oh well another BM bites the dust!

Marchbride07 Posted: Feb 02, 2007 05:44 PM

Re: Asking a Bridesmaid to step down...UPDATE

GOOD FOR YOU GIRL!! YOU DID THE RIGHT THING!

People are fake and there are a few people I will be deading after my wedding!

njbound07 Posted: Feb 02, 2007 06:22 PM

Re: Asking a Bridesmaid to step down...UPDATE

Posted by Marchbride07

GOOD FOR YOU GIRL!! YOU DID THE RIGHT THING!

People are fake and there are a few people I will be deading after my wedding!

thanks for the hugs! good for you too!
I can't wait for this wedding to be over... don't get me wrong I'm glad that I'm getting married... I just want to be a wife sans the drama!