attire question - for those with many OOT guests

Original post by Kara and Todd

Apr 05, 2007 12:37 PM

Okay, I really hope this doesn't come off as Bridezilla-ish... but this is a serious concern of mine.

FH is from PA and went to college up in Rochester. Most of the guests from his side of the family and more than half of his friends are from OOT and/or have never been to a NY wedding before.

We were invited to one of his college acquaintance's weddings and they had a wedding web site. (They are getting married the week before us) The web site said attire for the wedding was 'business casual.' (And if they had to put that, then were they expecting people to come dressed even less formally?!)

I understand things are different in other areas of the country, but this did spark a concern for me about our wedding. We're having a pretty formal Saturday night wedding. We don't want it to be black tie or even black tie optional, but we expect semi-formal attire (suits and ties for guys!). I'm pretty sure everyone from NY / Long Island knows the drill, but I'm worried about the rest of them.

I'm guessing the best way to spread the word is by word of mouth, right? I have NO plans for putting anything related to attire in the wedding invites (tacky since it's not black tie or black tie optional)... How do we say it nicely without offending them by making it seem like we're expecting not to come dressed properly?

I really don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I don't want half of our guests showing up in polo shirts either... It's NOT anything at all against more casual weddings - I've been to many... but ours isn't casual (and to be honest, the under-dressed guests would feel uncomfortable if they weren't dressed appropriately....)

We're also worried about FH's family from out of town... Would it be totally rude to ask his mom for some guidance on this (as to whether she thinks they'll come dressed appropriately??)

Also, if I'm being totally ridiculous or rude by even thinking of bringing up attire, let me know. I'm not trying to be bridezilla at all -- but I really want a certain atmosphere at our wedding -- and I do think under-dressed guests would be very uncomfortable for not knowing.

If it's rude to bring it up, then I totally won't, though!

Kara and Todd Posted: Apr 05, 2007 02:23 PM

Re: attire question - for those with many OOT guests

In my situation, we're not talking about people who don't own suits... more people who wouldn't know to wear one to a wedding -- and WOULD feel foolish to be underdressed.

LBride Posted: Apr 05, 2007 02:25 PM

Re: attire question - for those with many OOT guests

why don't you make your own website? and trust me, the last thing you're going to notice is what your guest are wearing, except maybe if someone is in white!

Blondie77 Posted: Apr 05, 2007 02:45 PM

Re: attire question - for those with many OOT guests

FH is from out of town and so are all his family and friends.....i have been to weddings out west where a) people wear jeans b) people (women) wear shorts. so i think it is a legitimate concern.

BUT to be honest i think people know when they go to a NY wedding especially at night (as i see yours is) that it is a more formal affair. they will probably not know about giving a cash gift, or other traditions we have, but i think they will pick up on the formal attire thing. of course there will always be the people that don't get it but they will be in the minority. a wedding website might be a good idea but i wouldn't be too pushy.....some people are going to be stubborn and do what they want to do.....just remember YOUR friends and family will be there and they will probably be dressed appropriately and give the wedding the formal feel you want.

hope that helps!

KickinDandelions Posted: Apr 05, 2007 03:38 PM

Re: attire question - for those with many OOT guests

Posted by Kara and Todd

In my situation, we're not talking about people who don't own suits... more people who wouldn't know to wear one to a wedding -- and WOULD feel foolish to be underdressed.

yup...

the first part of my post was my suggestion..the last part about my situtation was just me trying to empathize with you about being in a tough situation and not wanting to hurt people's feelings...

Snickers76 Posted: Apr 05, 2007 03:51 PM

Re: attire question - for those with many OOT guests

If you start worrying about what your guests are going to wear to your wedding reception, you will drive yourself crazy. I think most people know to wear a suits and dresses to weddings and if they fail to do so, I really doubt anyone will care.

Kara and Todd Posted: Apr 05, 2007 03:53 PM

Re: attire question - for those with many OOT guests

Posted by Snickers76

If you start worrying about what your guests are going to wear to your wedding reception, you will drive yourself crazy. I think most people know to wear a suits and dresses to weddings and if they fail to do so, I really doubt anyone will care.

It's really not consuming me and it's really not going to ruin my day if someone dresses inappropriately.

I've been to weddings with these people and they do NOT wear suits and dresses... I'd like to prepare them for the formality of our wedding so they don't feel out of place. It's not like I will lose any sleep over it. I promise!