Attraction...

Attraction is important. Though sometimes someone becomes more (or even less) attractive with the more time you spend with them. I always thought I wanted to be with a tall and skinny guy. I am going to marry a guy who is tall but now weighs about 110 pounds MORE than I do. He is self-conscious about his weight, but I NEVER bother him about it. My only concern is for his health as diabetes runs in his family - mine too. I love him no matter what. Having been heavy before, I know what its like to have someone always telling you about being big. Big people know they are big - they know where they buy their clothes and what size they are.

Then again when he farts, I get grossed out and turn away from him - only momentarily though.

Attraction definitely brought DH and I initially together. We were the lightning bolt effect from across a crowded bar, and when he first touched my back I literally felt like I had been hit by a lightning bolt. It's changed now--like someone else said it's different when you see someone at their worst, farting or sick and not having showered in days...I will always be attracted to him, but now it is for much deeper reasons than it was that first night.

ETA: Sure, there are times when he totally grosses me out and I say get away! But I will always see in him the guy I fell in love with, even when we are 80 or if he gained 100 lbs.

here's the thing, boosh is beautiful and she knows that...and there is a big physical attraction there

but we met online before we met in person and i was in love BEFORE we even met - -wouldn't have mattered to me what she looked like

so i guess i am in the minority here

i suppose it's important, but is should never be the first criteria IMO

---

Posted by jenny2penny

see I can talk to people on the phone and on-line, and they can be the nicest people, but if you don't appeal to me in person, that does play a factor.

---

yeah it's different for everyone

---

Posted by MonkeyLuv

Don, so you're saying there is a physical attraction but it's not what brought you together. What if you weren't physically attracted to someone? Would you pursue a romantic relationship?

---

for me, once i have a mental and emotional connection, the physical connection is automatic

---

Posted by don424

---

Posted by MonkeyLuv

Don, so you're saying there is a physical attraction but it's not what brought you together. What if you weren't physically attracted to someone? Would you pursue a romantic relationship?

---

for me, once i have a mental and emotional connection, the physical connection is automatic

---

So a physical attractions is important.

---

Posted by don424

no, the emotional connection, intellectual connection and mental connection is important -- once you have that, the romantic connection comes from that

---

I disagree

you are all are entitled to your opinions, just like i am entitled to mine

---

Posted by The Original 2nd-time-around

Was having this talk with a friend of mine...How important is attraction in a relationship and are you always attracted to FH/DH?

---

See, I had some hook-ups in college based ONLY on attraction. I don't think attraction alone will ever lead towards life-long happiness...But, as one of the factors contributing to a successful relationship, I do believe it is important.

Well this is an interesting question ...

I don't know if I'm going to express this accurately, so bare with me

I do think that physical attraction is vital in a relationship - does that make me shallow? Perhaps. But I cannot imagine being with someone that I wasn't attracted to in 'that way'

Now I do agree with Don that the emotional/intellectual/mental connection is an even bigger factor (because while physical attraction might wane a bit after some time together, those things are what sustain a solid relationiship)

But even with all that, if you cannot look at your SO with any sort of attraction/passion, to me its nothing more than being very close friends - no?

I also met my DH online - and like Don said, I was extremely attracted to him before even meeting him. We had an absolutely amazing 'chemistry' and so much in common, we clicked on all levels, he was smart, funny, intelligent - everything I wanted in a man. However I do remember that I always kept it in the back of my mind that if we did meet in person and that 'spark' wasn't there, I could not, in good conscience, be with that person. We both actually agreed to this before meeting - I was so fearful that he just wouldn't be attracted to me in person, and yet we also didn't want to mislead each other by forcing ourselves to be with each other based on the fact that we had already become so close in so many other ways (this is truly the tricky part about meeting online, IMO)

That said - alls well that ended well - I was immediately smitten and the physical attraction was definitely there in person And sure there are days when we look at each other and are NOT feeling the spark Yet I still think he is HOT and far too handsome to be with the likes of me!

Sure our emotional connection far exceeds the rest ... and having that means that we don't always have to look our best or always be 'hot' to enjoy being with and loving one another...

I believe there's a certain degree of niavete in the belief that 'looks don't matter'. Studies have even been done that prove infants respond positively to 'attractive people'! Countless articles crow about the unfair advantage attractive people have in the work place. Hollywood, plastic surgery and makeup are billion dollar industries all based on looks, perfection and beauty. To deny our human instict of physical attraction and try to cover what might be perceived as a shallow statement is bs. People seem almost hesitant to admit that physical attraction is an important aspect of a relationship. What's wrong with being physically attracted to someone and then falling in love? Does thinking your guy had sexy arms or gorgeous eyes somehow invalidate the fact that he became your bestfriend and husband? No. it's not what sustains a relationship day to day, but I think everyone here would agree that if one aspect of attraction was missing (physical, emotional, mental or spiritual) their SO would not have become so significant.

I met my FH at work, he thought I was hot, I thought he was hot, he asked me out, I said yes. 5 years later he still expounds upon the virtues of my heiney, but also seeks me out first for solace, compassion, laughter and understanding.

---

Posted by MonkeyLuv

I believe there's a certain degree of niavete in the belief that 'looks don't matter'. Studies have even been done that prove infants respond positively to 'attractive people'! Countless articles crow about the unfair advantage attractive people have in the work place. Hollywood, plastic surgery and makeup are billion dollar industries all based on looks, perfection and beauty. To deny our human instict of physical attraction and try to cover what might be perceived as a shallow statement is bs. People seem almost hesitant to admit that physical attraction is an important aspect of a relationship. What's wrong with being physically attracted to someone and then falling in love? Does thinking your guy had sexy arms or gorgeous eyes somehow invalidate the fact that he became your bestfriend and husband? No. it's not what sustains a relationship day to day, but I think everyone here would agree that if one aspect of attraction was missing (physical, emotional, mental or spiritual) their SO would not have become so significant.

I met my FH at work, he thought I was hot, I thought he was hot, he asked me out, I said yes. 5 years later he still expounds upon the virtues of my heiney, but also seeks me out first for solace, compassion, laughter and understanding.

---

i respect that opinion