Attraction...

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Posted by FeliciaDA

Well this is an interesting question ...

I don't know if I'm going to express this accurately, so bare with me

I do think that physical attraction is vital in a relationship - does that make me shallow? Perhaps. But I cannot imagine being with someone that I wasn't attracted to in 'that way'

Now I do agree with Don that the emotional/intellectual/mental connection is an even bigger factor (because while physical attraction might wane a bit after some time together, those things are what sustain a solid relationiship)

But even with all that, if you cannot look at your SO with any sort of attraction/passion, to me its nothing more than being very close friends - no?

I also met my DH online - and like Don said, I was extremely attracted to him before even meeting him. We had an absolutely amazing 'chemistry' and so much in common, we clicked on all levels, he was smart, funny, intelligent - everything I wanted in a man. However I do remember that I always kept it in the back of my mind that if we did meet in person and that 'spark' wasn't there, I could not, in good conscience, be with that person. We both actually agreed to this before meeting - I was so fearful that he just wouldn't be attracted to me in person, and yet we also didn't want to mislead each other by forcing ourselves to be with each other based on the fact that we had already become so close in so many other ways (this is truly the tricky part about meeting online, IMO)

That said - alls well that ended well - I was immediately smitten and the physical attraction was definitely there in person And sure there are days when we look at each other and are NOT feeling the spark Yet I still think he is HOT and far too handsome to be with the likes of me!

Sure our emotional connection far exceeds the rest ... and having that means that we don't always have to look our best or always be 'hot' to enjoy being with and loving one another...

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amen big sis, i agree 100%

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Posted by MonkeyLuv

Of what are you a dying breed?

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someone who really doens't put stock in physicality

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Posted by MuchInLuvMichi

i think the main thing that seperates just a friend and a boyfriend/girlfriend/dh/fh IS the phyical attraction that u feel.. if u dont have that then u might as well call them ur buddy

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i can respect that

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Posted by don424

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Posted by MonkeyLuv

Of what are you a dying breed?

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someone who really doens't put stock in physicality

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so far fetched, this example I know...but you chat it up online..you meet, and it is obvious that this person has had a sex change op...technically, all women now..would you run even though you were in love?

eta: watching the clock for 5!!!TGIF

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Posted by Janice

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Posted by don424

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Posted by MonkeyLuv

Of what are you a dying breed?

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someone who really doens't put stock in physicality

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so far fetched, this example I know...but you chat it up online..you meet, and it is obvious that this person has had a sex change op...technically, all women now..would you run even though you were in love?

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Where is the run like H E L L icon?????!!!!

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Posted by MuchInLuvMichi

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Posted by Janice

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Posted by don424

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Posted by MonkeyLuv

Of what are you a dying breed?

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someone who really doens't put stock in physicality

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so far fetched, this example I know...but you chat it up online..you meet, and it is obvious that this person has had a sex change op...technically, all women now..would you run even though you were in love?

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Where is the run like H E L L icon?????!!!!

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I'd be a running as fast as my little feet carried me!

I know, but i bet you anything that is how they get into the dating game!!!

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Posted by MonkeyLuv

I think people aren't being honest with themselves when they say that.

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say what? attraction doesn't count? no way they are not being honest with themselves

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Posted by MonkeyLuv

I think people aren't being honest with themselves when they say that.

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and you are entitled to think that

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Posted by Janice

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Posted by MonkeyLuv

I think people aren't being honest with themselves when they say that.

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say what? attraction doesn't count? no way they are not being honest with themselves

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Exactly! Even the most sensistive and open-minded man or woman would chose the good-looking perfect person over the unattractive perfect person.

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Posted by MonkeyLuv

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Posted by Janice

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Posted by MonkeyLuv

I think people aren't being honest with themselves when they say that.

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say what? attraction doesn't count? no way they are not being honest with themselves

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Exactly! Even the most sensistive and open-minded man or woman would chose the good-looking perfect person over the unattractive perfect person.

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in your opinion that is

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Posted by MonkeyLuv

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Posted by Janice

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Posted by MonkeyLuv

I think people aren't being honest with themselves when they say that.

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say what? attraction doesn't count? no way they are not being honest with themselves

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Exactly! Even the most sensistive and open-minded man or woman would chose the good-looking perfect person over the unattractive perfect person.

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Well to me, that is obvious ...

but I do think what some people are trying to say here is that they would definitely choose the not so attractive/unattractive, yet perfect in every other way person OVER the gorgeous, yet shallow and imperfect in every other aspect person ...

I know that if THOSE were my choices, then sure I would pick the more physicall unattractive person.

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Posted by don424


in your opinion that is

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Alright Don, we get it. We're shallow for thinking phyiscal attraction is a factor in a relationship.

i never said that

you voiced your opinion

i voiced mine

no judging from my end

it's all good and i am enjoying the discussion

To me attraction mattered initially (as many others), but now DH could gain 100 pds., loose his hair or whatever and I wouldn't love him or be less attracted to him. I love him now for the person he is, not how he looks (even though he is dog-gawn hot!) . I would hope he feels the same about me.

that would be great not having to be physically attracted to your mate..I would have never stressed homecoming, prom, getting married..and I guarentee my new DH would be tons richer!!!

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Posted by MonkeyLuv

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Posted by don424


in your opinion that is

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Alright Don, we get it. We're shallow for thinking phyiscal attraction is a factor in a relationship.

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I think I'm taking what Don is saying a little differently .. I don't think he's calling anyone on this thread shallow for thinking physical attraction is a factor .. (actually I said myself that some people might *THINK* I was shallow for stating that I considered phyiscal attraction a key factor, but I don't believe DOn ever did) ..

Not to speak for him, he can definitely hold his own But I interpret his comments to mean that he merely believes that all the other aspects of attraction in a relationship (mental/emotional/etc) far outweigh the phyical attraction , and that perhaps some people place to much emphasis on those ideals ...

With that, I do agree that I respect all opinions as well