Just wondering how many relationships there are out there that have kids already in the mix. Do you find it to be really hard at times? I live with my FI and he has 2 kids that live with us because he has full custody. Sometimes I find it to be really hard... sometimes iI find it to be great...
anna
Posted:
Member since
Re: Automatically a Parent...
Im not in this situation, but I recently found some chat boards/forums for a friend who will be a stepmom next year when she gets married.
Id suggest looking via some search engines for 'step mom message boards' or 'step parenting' etc etc.
Im sure everything you feel is normal, and there are so many great gals out there that can totally relate and give you great advice.
I just found the old email I sent her. Here are the links I found for her.
I was the one with kids not him. When we met my daughter was 19 and my son was 13 (26 and 20 now). My daughter is out on her own but my son lives with us. I am extremely fortunate that my DH welcomed both my children with open arms and has been loving and generous with them both. For a man who was not a dad and also an only child, to take on the extra resposibility of parenting was tough, but he is good at it and I appreciate it more than I could ever say. He has a great relationship with both of my kids.
I am sure that it can be hard for you at times, but hang in there. It really is worth it in the end.
michele31
Posted:
Member since
Re: Automatically a Parent...
I am not a stepparent, but I am a stepchild. Both of my parents are remarried. I am very close to my stepmom, the man my mother married could literally die tomorrow and the world would be a better place. I think when you agree to marry a man/women who has children you are agreeing to love their children, sacrifice for them and truly be a part of their lives. It might not always be easy- but when is being a parent always perfect and easy?
Elizabeth
Posted:
Member since
Re: Automatically a Parent...
Well said Michele!
I have a nephew from my brothers first marriage and my SIL (bros 2nd wife) wishes he would just disappear. It's very sad how much influence it has over my brother. Although I am not in this situation with DH, I know it's hard - I use to date someone with a son - but I just wish that every child could feel a sense of belonging in both families.
Anna gave some great websites for helping someone deal with this type of relationship, some step kids are easy and some are hard...and then there's an ex-wife (or husband) too.
Good luck to you, let us know how it's going...
Sonicstef
Posted:
Member since
Re: Automatically a Parent...
I am not a steparent but was a stepchild. What Michele said is absolutely true but also works both ways.
Its really important that the biological parent foster a stepchild/stepparent relationship. If he/she does not, there is little hope for a healthy family to exist.
Some people do not want to see anyone else have a good relationship with thier children and if the biological parent is like that - then there is trouble no matter how wonderful the stepparent is.
July2004Bride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Automatically a Parent...
Thanks everyone
Sonicstef - the girls mother is totally NOT in the picture. She decided to move away and has not kept in touch with her kids. She has not called or seen them in the last 1 1/2 years... I am like their mother now...
Sonicstef
Posted:
Member since
Re: Automatically a Parent...
Im not talking about the mother, i was referring to the custodial parent. It may not be an issue at all in your relationship but their are subtle messages that the biological parent (mother or father) sends to their children in the way he interacts with you and with the whole group as well as out and out ways that can undermine your relationship with the children.
RichsBride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Automatically a Parent...
I have 1 child & my DH has one child. It is not as easy as the Brady Bunch made it look. My son's 'father' has never been around, so my husband has it a little easier. My step-daughter's mother has tried PAS(parental alienation sydrome)toward my DH but now she's playing Mother of the year. My step daughter is brainwashed into thinking she can't REALLY love me or her mother will be mad. It's a roller coaster ride, but I was a step child myself so I know what to expect. We are thinking about TTC in the next year or so & that will complicate things even more so we'll see what happens. I think that it is a blessing in a way that their 'mother' left....she probably never did the right thing anyway, at least you & your Fi can set a good example & the kids don't have to be brainwashed. Kudos to you for taking on the responsibilty you have!
michele31
Posted:
Member since
Re: Automatically a Parent...
I just want to add that if this mother has left her children I am sure that they are very sad over that and it is NOT easy to know that your mother has left you. Maybe you have an opportunity here to truly find a place in your heart for this child. They will need a mother and although you didn't give birth, just think of what a beautiful relationship you could have.
