So FH asked his brother to be the best man sometime over the weekend.
Yesterday FH gets a text from him: 'Hey buddy, I hope [his fiance] is gonna be in the wedding party too!'
Umm, what??? No... She isn't....
But now do we look like total a-h0les if she's not??? We had such a hard time deciding that 7 is okay (we think it's big).. now we're going to have EIGHT on each side???
Don't get me wrong, she's a great girl, and we're friendly when we hang out, but she was definitely the 8th girl all the time (and we didnt even want it to be as big as 7)
I don't understand the position he's putting us in.... My sister didn't ask us to have her HUSBAND in the WP....
What do I do??? I told FH to talk to his mom, but not to let her go back to the Best Man and say anything to him. I just feel like dirt now.... Please help.....
TIA
Lil OC
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Re: awkward situation.. need advice, please
Eeekk!! why oh why do people do things like this?!
MrsSoto
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Re: awkward situation.. need advice, please
o wow! people just dont think!!! unfortunately even though i would normally say go back to the mom...unless she is going to go back to the brother, that wont resolve things and im sure it will be worse if the brother finds out you spoke to the mom instead of him directly. if you really feel like you dont want to, than i would stick to your guns...noone should call the shots except you guys however since she IS his fiance and will be part of the family, i guess you have to think about it like, if you are going to be with this girl for years to come and possibly get closer, maybe its not a terrible idea to put her in.
you can only make that decision but regardless i think it should be your decison (and fh), noone elses
BLBride
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Re: awkward situation.. need advice, please
I was in a somewhat similar situation. If its genuinely important to him for her to be included (and he's not just saying it to be annoying), then its probably easiest in the long run for you to include her. However, if its going to create more problems then w/ your sisters husband, you can probably explain that as a reason why +1's weren't included. In my situation everyone ended up including everyone and I think it was for the best.
Jna2010
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Re: awkward situation.. need advice, please
ughhh.... ok so i would wait to see what his mom says, and if she says yes you should do it, i would seriously just bite the bullet and add her, id rather get gifts for one more person than deal with a shyt load of drama, and i mean its not like shes his gf ya know, shes gonna be in the family so its not too bad
christine2010
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Re: awkward situation.. need advice, please
its a common thing to include the significant others of your brothers & sisters in the wedding party. especially when they are at an advances stage in a relationship, in your case its his fiance.
the thing that makes it awkward is that he flat out asked about it.
you do not need to add another GM you can just have one guy walk with two girls.
jackieee
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Re: awkward situation.. need advice, please
Posted by christine2010
its a common thing to include the significant others of your brothers & sisters in the wedding party. especially when they are at an advances stage in a relationship, in your case its his fiance.
the thing that makes it awkward is that he flat out asked about it.
you do not need to add another GM you can just have one guy walk with two girls.
ITA with this post. I asked my FBIL's wives to be in my other, and I want them a part of it.
It's awkward that they asked. YOu shouldn't feel forced to have her in, but it would be a nice gesture. I also agree that you dont have to now add another GM. We are having an uneven number. 6 BM and 7 GM
kimmy02
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Re: awkward situation.. need advice, please
idk its def a weird position bc he asked but maybe its bc i do not have any siblings married, so i am not in this situation.... but i dont feel just cause they are engaged you have to include that person in the wedding party... this is coming from me who has 9 in her party! i dont mind a big party at all.... BUT just feel like there should be no obligation just based on that...
maybe explain to her that addding one more will maybe cause drama but have her included in a reading or somehow in the wedding... JMO
christine2010
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Re: awkward situation.. need advice, please
i just thought of another idea. maybe you can have her do a reading & treat her as part of the wedding party.
in my family we refer to it as the wedding party so that all that are included (no matter what they are doing) feel included & not as extras.
bigsal
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Re: awkward situation.. need advice, please
Posted by kimmy02
idk its def a weird position bc he asked but maybe its bc i do not have any siblings married, so i am not in this situation.... but i dont feel just cause they are engaged you have to include that person in the wedding party... this is coming from me who has 9 in her party! i dont mind a big party at all.... BUT just feel like there should be no obligation just based on that...
maybe explain to her that addding one more will maybe cause drama but have her included in a reading or somehow in the wedding... JMO
I agree. Probably better to try to include her in some way as they will be married soon.
halfbaked
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Re: awkward situation.. need advice, please
When are they getting married? Are you both in their WPs? I know that shouldn't be the deciding factor, but maybe that's why he expects it?
JayBee216
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Re: awkward situation.. need advice, please
I would just explain that you are only having 7 attendants.
I didn't include my sister-in-law in my BP and when she said something, I was just like 'sorry, we're trying to cap the # of bmaids.' and just left it at that.
elisa112101
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Re: awkward situation.. need advice, please
FSIL did the same thing to me and i caved... Dont do it... ( i wish somebody had set me straight) this is your day and you shouldnt let anybody push you into something you dont want!
AngnShaun
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Re: awkward situation.. need advice, please
dont let anyone force you to add someone...
rdubs
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Re: awkward situation.. need advice, please
If she's normal, she'll understand that she isn't supposed to be in the bridal party. And you shouldn't expect to be in hers. I can't tell you how to deal with the logistics of communicating that to them but its silly, either the mom, FH, or someone will have to break the news to them.
Are you sure he wasn't joking? A weird way to ask someone if their fiance is in wedding party too...by text message?
kat2010
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Re: awkward situation.. need advice, please
have fh talk to him and see what the situation is like!? you can't get the feel through a text message, see if he would be pissed if she's not included or he would just like/want her to be part of it but no big deal.
Where is your bp sitting? With their dates or at the dais table with you guys? Maybe he is concerned that he won't get to hang out with his fiance at the wedding... if he is sitting with her, maybe remind him of that.
I would just explain that the bp is large enough.. Plus I highly doubt she is dying to be a bridesmaid..it's just your brother trying to make sure she isn't left out.
grkbarbie
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Re: awkward situation.. need advice, please
sorry but i think u should have your fhs brothers fiance in the BP.. she will be your sister in law. and as far as im concerned.. she will be with u for a much longer time than your friends.
Lu2700
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Re: awkward situation.. need advice, please
Posted by christine2010
i just thought of another idea. maybe you can have her do a reading & treat her as part of the wedding party.
in my family we refer to it as the wedding party so that all that are included (no matter what they are doing) feel included & not as extras.
ita with this. it ***** that they put u in such an awkward situation...but if u really would prefer her not be in it, i would go the reader route. that way she feels like she's a part of the wedding
cleokizzy
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Re: awkward situation.. need advice, please
honestly, that was rude of him to even suggest that his fiance is going to be in the wp!
just let him know that you've already asked and decided all your BMs.
