Bachelor Party

I'm going to be completely honest - I don't agree with the stereotypical bachelor/bachelorette parties:

1) I disagree with the whole 'last hurrah' mentality. Your last night as a single, 'free' person to have fun...um, if a person really felt that way, maybe they shouldn't be getting married! I don't feel the need to mourn my singlehood.

2) The strip club thing - okay, so it's your last night being single, therefore you need to be surrounded by naked people of the opposite sex?....this just doesn't make sense to me. I trust my FH completely, I know he wouldn't do anything, and I do not fear losing him to a stripper - however, I do not like the idea of another woman shaking her stuff in his face, especially when the purpose of it is a pre-marriage celebration!

Neither my FH or I are into strip clubs. We're talking about maybe renting a beach house in the Hamptons or something, together, and inviting all of our friends as our party.

I trust my fiancee, but I also have an advantage b/c I used to bartend for a very very long time & I know almost every bouncer on LI...so he is afraid that if even one girl gets too close I will find out about it.

HOWEVER, his friends & even his cousins are way out of control. Please, these guys get 'call girls' for 21st birthday parties. They can be really sleazy, so I got some spies at the party, Not for FH, but to keep his friends & cousins in check.

I also made 2 rules.
1- no party bus (bad past experience)
2- no hotel party afterward
I thought it was pretty reasonable. As a reciprocate I agreed to the same & also no prive stripper for my party.

Marriage is compromise, ya know?

I understand where you're coming from. I'm not worried about FH. I tell him all the time that if he wants to go to a strip club with his friends, he should go. If you restrict your FH/DH and tell him what he can and cannot do, he's going to wind up resenting you in the long run (this goes for more than naked girls and bachelor parties). He doesn't enjoy watching strippers or getting lap dances, and this is something we've talked about many times, early in our relationship. It's not his thing. However, his brother is a different story, as well as half, if not more, of the guys who will be at his BP. Every time his brother comes to our home, he writes 'Hookers for Bachelor Party' on the dry erase board in my kitchen that I use for shopping lists. I always laugh at it and erase it, but it always shows up again. While I know he does it partly to get a rise out of me, I also know that he's not entirely kidding about it. Needless to say, I worry a little, but I do trust FH and trust that he's always been honest with me about his feelings on the subject, and therefore, I have nothing to worry about.

He's talking about going to AC for his party. I'm more concerned that he's going to either drink too much (he's not a big drinker, but when he does, he doesn't always know when to stop) and piss away a ton of money gambling. That's more of a concern to me than naked girls and hookers.

Talk to your FH about this. If you don't express your concerns in an accusatory manner, I'm sure he'll understand where you're coming from and put your fears to rest. Try not to worry about it. That's all you really can do.

I have asked my FH and will ask his friend no weekend party, just 1 night. But other than that I'm just going to go out with friends that night and try not to think about it.

I know my FH is not or would not do anything that he knows I'd be upset about. We had a long talk about it and he said he personally doesn't mind having no stripper and if he's asked he'll say don't bother getting one. But if they do I know he won't do anything I'd be upset about.

ETA: if strippers (or worse, hookers) are hired (which I doubt any hookers will be as all his friends are either married or girlfriends and doubtful any would chance getting 'in trouble' with their girlfriends/wives), I will be unhappy but again I know FH wouldn't do anything with them. If his friends do, that's their business. But trust me, I will never look at them the same again.

Every time his brother comes to our home, he writes 'Hookers for Bachelor Party' on the dry erase board in my kitchen that I use for shopping lists. I always laugh at it and erase it, but it always shows up again.

That is so funny! My FBIL would totally do this to me!

I agree with jvs77!!

I used to bartend and I have bartended several bachelor parties before so I have seen the inside scoop. It can get bad- but it all depends on the guy... I have bartended parties where I couldnt believe what the groom was actually doing and Ive bartended parties where the groom played it off and didnt do anything. I am nervous about the bachelor party-Hes going to New Orleans of all places for 4 DAYS!. ive been there and it is party central..but i completely trust him... Just keep yourself busy that day or weekend and have faith in your man.
Alcohol does have an affect ona person but if your man is mature and truly loves you and respects you , no amount of alcohol will persuade him to do anything. But thinking about will overwhelm you.
Plan your bachelorette party. GO out dancing with your girlfriends and have fun yourselves. Who says guys get to have all of the fun? For my sisters bachelorette party we went to Hunkamania- had a blast and then went drinking and dancing all ngiht long. We had the best time with the girls.. If your not into that, plan a dinner.

I don't know - it really didn't bother me. Neither of us thought of our respective bachlor/bachlorette parties as a 'last hurrah'. Basically, it was just a time for each of us to get to go out and party with our friends.

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Posted by jannshari

Every time his brother comes to our home, he writes 'Hookers for Bachelor Party' on the dry erase board in my kitchen that I use for shopping lists.

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That's so funny, one of DH's friends was telling me for months before the wedding that he was gonna start having a pre, a pre-pre, and a pre-pre-pre, bachlor party (each month before the wedding) for DH with like '7 stripper at least' at each. His did it to try and drive me nuts, but I just thought it was pretty funny. DH does not like strip clubs anyway, but they did take him out to at least one. He had fun but it was more of a joke than anything for him.

I just posted on the 04 board. I have no worries. I trust him 1000000 % but I would be peeved if he went away. I really dont know why! Whats the difference between him haveing strippers all over him here or there dont know. NON really. but why does he need to go away? He goes to the stip clubs now and Im like HAVE FUN!!!! He comes home I ask how it was and how many lap dances did u get??? Did he go home with them NOPE!! If you are worried about him getting in to 'trouble' on his bachelor party or are saying Alchol can change things then honestly theres no trust and u probably arent ready and should probably not get married. IMO.

I agree with you Kristen.

My FI has issues with having his bachelor party so I have encouraged him to have 3 separate ones. One with work (his boss called me to ask if anything was off limits....I told him that was up to FI, I was okay with anything he wanted) One with all the men (brothers, friends etc) and one with just his core group of childhood friends. and i know at least 2 will include naked women and one reportedly will be in Vegas (I will believe that when I see it)....

Neither of us considers this our last Harrah. Each of us are going out to celebrate the end of one chapter and the beginning of another in our lives.

I can say I am 100% certain that my FI will NEVER cheat on me. Some may think I am stupid for thinking this but tell me why would anyone marry a person, commit to spend forever with them, to be faithful and true if they thought there was even a 1% chance they would stray.

I'm not worried at all. I can't wait for him to go and have a great time. He deserves it after all I have put him through planning the wedding

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Posted by nov2004bride

I'm not worried at all. I can't wait for him to go and have a great time. He deserves it after all I have put him through planning the wedding

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LOL mine 2.

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Posted by jmarshall

I am worried too. I completely trust my FI but am nervous about his friends and their actions. I've heard both sides of the argument but am still nervous.

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I agree 100%

When I heard that @@#@#@ was getting married, my first thoughts
turned to the Bachelor Party! Visions of drunken Mexican women and
donkeys danced through my head. Tequila with worms, cheap fish tacos,
bad water, cigarettes and me complaining that my ******* hurt to some
guy named Paco who can't speak a word of English...but he stands there
with a broken smile as if he knows what happened to me the previous
night, because after the fourteenth tequila shot, I can't remember a
thing.

Man, it sounded great... Dan is really excited about the party so we're
working on coming up with a game plan. It looks like it's going to be
the weekend of January 9th –11th . A few ideas have been going around
for the location. After Dan was talked out of his top pick (Havana,
Cuba), we have been focusing on Las Vegas.

This is what FI's BM sent to everyone in the bridal party (and then some). FI is sooo happy that he is doing something this cool for his bachelor party I wouldn't have the heart to stop him.

I think they will have fun, gamble a little and come home. I don't think he is going to do anything 'bad' and I am going to have my bachelorette party the same weekend so that there is no worrying involved.
That said, I can sleep easy now.

has anyone been to a male review? I went for a bachelorette party and it was hilarious...the men were only objects...we saw them afterwards in a club and I was so grossed out by them...I wanted to tell the poor girl that he was talking to that I stuck dollar bills in his butt...**how degrading!! **

Dh feels the same way...you have a little fun there...a lapdance or butt and boobs in your face...but in the end...I'm sorry but they are skanks...just like the guys...and hopefully your guy knows that...mine does...his friends do...a stripper called his old roommate and he was grossed out...never called her back...


It is a last celebration of the fun times that you had as a singleton...no harm in that...but if the groom does something, I can't imagine thats the only sign or thing he has done...

marriage is based on trust...trust your DH...but by all means express your concerns to him...a little talk about whats going to happen at the Bach Party hurts no one!!!

granted...DH went to Arizona with 15 guys and they drank and rode 4 wheelers...I'm sure did some kind of drug and shot guns (not on drugs...DH is a very safe gun user - even though I am against it) - so there were no strippers involved...but he has gone to others BP with strippers...one where the groom was called 11 times by his FW!!!!



remember...this is a very stressful time...and there are so many things that B2Bs worry about...its just not good for your health...when you think of something horrible...that you know would never happen...take a few DEEP breaths and think of the reasons that you are marrying that wonderful man!!!