Billing bridesmaids for shower.

My sister sent my BM's a bill for my shower without asking about budgets, plans, advice, or any kind of warning. I'm so embarrassed, I can't even begin to wrap my head around it. This has created a reluctance on the part of my BM's to come to the bachelorette, since they have no idea if they're going to get billed.

Can I possibly call my sister and discuss it with her, or do I have to pretend that I don't know anything? What the he!! do I say?

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wow

i would distance myself from that ASAP make sure that you had nothing to do with that

and you NEED to talk to your sister about how unacceptable that is - i know you arent supposed to be involved in shower planning. . . but, you have to step in here before causing some serious rifts in your relationships with these people!

and honestly, i suggest handing over the bachelorette party duties to someone else

Holy SH**!
That's unbelievable. Apologize to BMs ASAP!!! And tell them they are not obligated to pay anything. Heck I'll send you a donation to get you out of that one!

you have to talk to your sister about it--i know you'd rather crawl under a rock , but it has to be done. i'm sure she didn't realize how rude & tackky she was being -- but let her know that you have found out and its unacceptable

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Posted by Cacarina

Does no one else think that BMs should be paying for the shower??? While I agree that sending a bill AFTER the shower is pretty unacceptable, I still think that the BMs should contribute to the shower. All monetary expectations should be mapped out in advance though...to avoid confusion.

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no i feel bad for them to pay...Fh has a HUUUUGE family and we are having around 75 guests as of now, i would feel horrible if my bm's had to contribute towards that...They already have to pay for dresses, then theres the bachelorette party, money for your wedding, hair, make up and whatever else. Yes they can contribute if they wish to but really dont think it should be an obligation. Infact i feel so horrible about even my mom paying for it that i want to contribute lol, if she would let me lol. I mean they not only have to buy a shower gift but then divide up the cost of the bridal shower, it can be a bit much, if you have a small bridal shower maybe its not bad...but figuring with me 75 guests, and even just doing it average cost of $35-40 pp thats close to $3000 just for the place they would have to divide amongst themselves and thats not even including favors, cake, decorations, games, flowers and all that and a gift on top of that.

I don't think it's that people don't think that BMs should contribute, my issue is don't expect people to shell out $$ when you don't discuss w/ them how this $ is going to get spent beforehand. I've contributed to showers when I was a BM but I would have had a serious issue if someone plopped an invoice in my lap and I had no say so to it.

I've gotten 2 perspectives on the story. One is, 'I didn't know there was any plan. There was an email about the date and then nothing until right before. I kept asking what was going on and what I could do but didn't get a response.' The other is, 'I set the date and then bought the food 2 days before. I couldn't have given them numbers before that, I hadn't bought anything. We didn't need any setup help.'

I think it might have been the Excel spreadsheet that put it over the top. I have gotten pub crawls mapped out in Excel, no joke.

Thank you ladies!

OMG...I have no advice just wanted to give you some

Wow that is different although i dont agree with your sister not discussing it with the bridal party there budgets etc but she probably just figured it would be easier as well as what the girls are expected of... honestly i would stay out of it if i were you and have the other BM's pick a girl to speak on behalf of the other BM's if they are all friends etc... & do it in a nice way ~ if they are upset tell them to wait a couple of days before calling your sister so no fighting accurs... i would not get involved you should not be involved in the shower I was brought in the middle of mine as i tried to stay far away because i wanted to feel happy about it but i landed up becoming stressed and too much involved emotionally! good luck!

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by Cacarina

Does no one else think that BMs should be paying for the shower??? While I agree that sending a bill AFTER the shower is pretty unacceptable, I still think that the BMs should contribute to the shower. All monetary expectations should be mapped out in advance though...to avoid confusion.

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no i feel bad for them to pay...Fh has a HUUUUGE family and we are having around 75 guests as of now, i would feel horrible if my bm's had to contribute towards that...They already have to pay for dresses, then theres the bachelorette party, money for your wedding, hair, make up and whatever else. Yes they can contribute if they wish to but really dont think it should be an obligation. Infact i feel so horrible about even my mom paying for it that i want to contribute lol, if she would let me lol. I mean they not only have to buy a shower gift but then divide up the cost of the bridal shower, it can be a bit much, if you have a small bridal shower maybe its not bad...but figuring with me 75 guests, and even just doing it average cost of $35-40 pp thats close to $3000 just for the place they would have to divide amongst themselves and thats not even including favors, cake, decorations, games, flowers and all that and a gift on top of that.

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For my shower I had about 75 guests and my mom paid for the entire thing. I think it's a big financial burdon to put on bridesmaids. My mom spent over $60 a plate on my shower and bought favors. I don't think the bm's could have afforded that. Most bridal parties i've been in....the brides mother has paid. Just what i've seen

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Posted by Cacarina

Does no one else think that BMs should be paying for the shower??? While I agree that sending a bill AFTER the shower is pretty unacceptable, I still think that the BMs should contribute to the shower. All monetary expectations should be mapped out in advance though...to avoid confusion.

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I agree! Arn't they supposed to pay? Yes- they should def sort it out ahead of time, but I have always been told that its rude for the mother to throw the shower cus then its like she is asking for people to bring her daughter gifts. but I also not from LI so maybe its different here.

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Posted by micknjohn

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by Cacarina

Does no one else think that BMs should be paying for the shower??? While I agree that sending a bill AFTER the shower is pretty unacceptable, I still think that the BMs should contribute to the shower. All monetary expectations should be mapped out in advance though...to avoid confusion.

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no i feel bad for them to pay...Fh has a HUUUUGE family and we are having around 75 guests as of now, i would feel horrible if my bm's had to contribute towards that...They already have to pay for dresses, then theres the bachelorette party, money for your wedding, hair, make up and whatever else. Yes they can contribute if they wish to but really dont think it should be an obligation. Infact i feel so horrible about even my mom paying for it that i want to contribute lol, if she would let me lol. I mean they not only have to buy a shower gift but then divide up the cost of the bridal shower, it can be a bit much, if you have a small bridal shower maybe its not bad...but figuring with me 75 guests, and even just doing it average cost of $35-40 pp thats close to $3000 just for the place they would have to divide amongst themselves and thats not even including favors, cake, decorations, games, flowers and all that and a gift on top of that.

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For my shower I had about 75 guests and my mom paid for the entire thing. I think it's a big financial burdon to put on bridesmaids. My mom spent over $60 a plate on my shower and bought favors. I don't think the bm's could have afforded that. Most bridal parties i've been in....the brides mother has paid. Just what i've seen

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yeah same here...I haven't been in a bridal party where I had to pay for a shower for the bride...the mother or mothers paid for it...

Not being able to give them prices till 2 days before doesn't make sense...wasn't there an RSVP date and an amount of people she knew was coming? I knew how much $$ per person was going to be for my e-party about a month before...

I think you should talk to your sis. You dont want any uncomfortableness between you and your BMs and you don't want this to ruin their excitement at being involved in other parts of your wedding celebrations. Maybe your sis just didn't know any better and after talking w/ you she may want to rectify the situation herself.

I wouldn't come right out and say you're embarrassed, but maybe just mention that it caused some discomfort and confusion among the girls and suggest they all discuss payments/budgets before diving in and planning a party.

I agree with the other girls. Definitely talk to your sister and tell her that she can't just do something like that.

We just had my sister's shower and I paid for it on my own. I would have never asked her other BM's to chip in because that's just not the way it's done in my family

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Posted by Cacarina

Does no one else think that BMs should be paying for the shower??? While I agree that sending a bill AFTER the shower is pretty unacceptable, I still think that the BMs should contribute to the shower. All monetary expectations should be mapped out in advance though...to avoid confusion.

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If they are to pay for the shower, they should have some input as well, not just be sent a bill.

I was in a wedding party once where the MOH was planning the shower with her mom and she was telling us all of the 'cost saving' things they were doing and we got hit with a huge bill two days before the shower. I was annoyed because it was just finger sandwiches, salad, soda and wine that we were paying for so the numbers didn't add up (the mom paid for some and the hall was free).

We talked about it amongst ourselves (the other BMs) and someone drafted up an email to the MOH telling her of our concern. Unfortunately, she went right to the bride and there was a bit of tension up until the wedding day but, things worked out ok in the end.

I'd definitely talk to your sister about it and express your concerns. Good luck!