My sister sent my BM's a bill for my shower without asking about budgets, plans, advice, or any kind of warning. I'm so embarrassed, I can't even begin to wrap my head around it. This has created a reluctance on the part of my BM's to come to the bachelorette, since they have no idea if they're going to get billed.
Can I possibly call my sister and discuss it with her, or do I have to pretend that I don't know anything? What the he!! do I say?
Espo22
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Re: Billing bridesmaids for shower.
Posted by GinaZ
Posted by Cacarina
Does no one else think that BMs should be paying for the shower??? While I agree that sending a bill AFTER the shower is pretty unacceptable, I still think that the BMs should contribute to the shower. All monetary expectations should be mapped out in advance though...to avoid confusion.
I agree! Arn't they supposed to pay? Yes- they should def sort it out ahead of time, but I have always been told that its rude for the mother to throw the shower cus then its like she is asking for people to bring her daughter gifts. but I also not from LI so maybe its different here.
I personally think when its being thrown we all know its a surprise for the bride and whether its the mother who is throwing it or the BP its still asking for gifts, but this is a party JUST for gift giving so its expected, as long as the bride isn't sending out invites and putting her registry info...Many times the mother pays but the BP is still helping with the planning. For example i know on the invitations for mine it will most likely be my MOH everyone will have to call to RSVP bc i know my mom wont deal with that lol, so not like people will know specifics of about exactly who paid.
But like i said i dont think the Bp should be EXPECTED to pay. I cant picture handing my bp a guestlist of 75 people and saying here you go now go plan and pay for my shower, i did calculations and just the place itself would cost them at least $500 each and that was doing it with low price per person, then on top of that invitations, flowers, favors, cake, games and whatever else. Then theres also the gift, that means it would cost my bm's around $1000 each for the shower, thats a bit much and not fair to them. My MOH is moving into a new place next month, thats costing her alot, another BM is getting married a few months after me and her and FH are paying for the whole thing, its a big financial burden.
Wedding999
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Re: Billing bridesmaids for shower.
i would defiantely have a talk with sis right away - that is just not right - if you were a bm in that position - im sure youd want something said
reenielady
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Re: Billing bridesmaids for shower.
I think you should stay out of it. I assume your bm's are all grown ups and they should discuss the bill with your sister. You shouldn't be involved. I think your bm's should have been involved in the whole planning of the shower. DId they contact the moh for information or what was going on? If they didn't take the initiative I don't think they should be shocked, but if they weren't let help then yes it is upsetting to receive a bill.
SherinJeff
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Re: Billing bridesmaids for shower.
I thought that someone usually 'hosted ' the shower, and IF they needed help on that, they would recruit or figure out a budget.
For example.. for us we always did showers at a home. If it was low key, we have even done potluck and the hostess paid for the cake, beverages, decorations, gifts..etc.. and it was up to HER to ask for monetary help ahead of time.
I had a baby shower thrown for me at a restaurant, but the girl that threw it collected a head count and money prior to the event. She covered everything else. If your sister expected your BM's to help pay, then the BM's should have been part of the decision making as to what was purchased.
Sorry, but I think your sister is dead wrong and needs to eat it as the cost of hosting a party.
Who's in charge of your bachelorette party?
SOTHISISLOVE53109
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Re: Billing bridesmaids for shower.
WOW!!! I would def. discuss with your bridemaids first and let them know that you had no idea what was going on...and then talk to your sister...wow I can't believe ithat. It should have been discussed with the bridemaids first...instead of sending the bill...your sister didn't know their financial situations..but yes I would def. stay far far away from this one! Good Luck
JennysMOH
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Re: Billing bridesmaids for shower.
Posted by ant n tilde
I dont think anyone should assume that the bridesmaids are contributing to the shower. I have been in six weddings and have never once put a dime towards the shower. In many families the mother/sisters/aunts/cousins of the bride pay for the shower and the bridesmaids have NO financial obligation. So, while i don't think that it is WRONG that the bridesmaids contribute if they are able - it should never just be assumed!
I agree 100%. For my sister's shower, my mother and I paid for it and never did it once cross our minds to ask the BM to contribute. If the BM offer then it would have been graciously accepted but to assume it no way. I was a MOH in February and the Matron of Honor ( bride's sister) asked if I could contribute the cake instead of a present (cake cost over $150) so that is what I did. There were 10 other BM and none helped with the shower and I don't think that the bride's family expected them to help out financially.
Talk to your sister. Then talk to the BP and tell them you had no idea that she was going to do that. The reason I say this is that I don't want people being upset with you on that day or wedding day. This is all on your sister and she has to remedy it after you speak to her and the BP.
kahlua716
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Re: Billing bridesmaids for shower.
My mom and Sister (MOH) asked my girsl to contribute $50 each. Only 1 actually did ever give her the $$$...my mom never cashed the check and told them to use it towards something for the bachelorette party.
I don't think its wrong to ask for help- its party of being in the bridal party, if they can't afford a monetary contribution, maybe they could offer help in some other way.
ETA: I forgot to say that I agree that the way your sister did it was kinda tacky- all things monetary should be discussed before the money is spent- they could have come up with a budget together once they knew who could contribute.
Good Luck!
LeeLee111
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Re: Billing bridesmaids for shower.
Definitely talk to her, thats crazy.
Randilotus
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Re: Billing bridesmaids for shower.
That is horrible and I'm sorry for you! She shoould have been discussing it the entire time with the other girls!
november152008
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Re: Billing bridesmaids for shower.
the mother of the bride should be paying for the shower...in my case my mother passed away and i had 2 sisters get marriend ton in 05 one in 06 so me and my sister paid along with my grandmother and father...but if anyone from the bridal party pays it would only be the maid or matron of honor
LBride
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Re: Billing bridesmaids for shower.
Your bridesmaids should deal with the situation themselves and not involve you! This type of stress is the last thing you need, if I were them I wouldn't have even told you
