What is the difference between Black Tie versus Black Tie optional. Is black tie optional a tux or dark suit and Black tie just tuxedo?
eogara
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Re: Black tie vs. Black tie optional
Posted by o17range
Just as its ok to have 'adult only' affairs, I also believe its ok to have black tie, black tie optional, beach party, and casual dress affairs.
I don't think that making the determination of who you want at your wedding is anywhere near the same realm as what you want them to wear
Additionally, with your other options, you're not asking the guests to front $ just so they can come to the wedding (never mind travel, gift, etc).
Again, JMO. Obviously not everyone agrees with that but I do think it's important to keep your guests and the imposition on them in mind.
marymoon
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Re: Black tie vs. Black tie optional
I think you have a good point about impositon, but I think 'black tie optional' gives them an option , so thy aren't forced to spend $$
The one time it REALLY annoyed me to go to black tie optional affair was when we had to drive to PA, stay they night, and blah blah, and I spent a lot of $$ getting my hair and nails done, squuezed into my corset and my high heel shoes, and then I get to the wedding and practically NO ONE including the family (i think I meanitoned this above) was in black tie. i was SOOOOO irritated. If you're going to say black tie even optional on the invite, at LEAST bother to make sure your family shows up in a tux or a gown.
i know it was MY choice to go black tie...but I was still SO annoyed. Plus the wedding did not at ALL kive up to the promises of a 'black tie optional' affair. yes, they had a band, but food, flowers, everything else was totally skimped on
isuser
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Re: Black tie vs. Black tie optional
Posted by eogara
Posted by o17range
Just as its ok to have 'adult only' affairs, I also believe its ok to have black tie, black tie optional, beach party, and casual dress affairs.
I don't think that making the determination of who you want at your wedding is anywhere near the same realm as what you want them to wear
Additionally, with your other options, you're not asking the guests to front $ just so they can come to the wedding (never mind travel, gift, etc).
Again, JMO. Obviously not everyone agrees with that but I do think it's important to keep your guests and the imposition on them in mind.
then is it ok to get upset when MOB or other guests wear a white/off-white dress?
personally, i don't care what my guests wear, even if they show up in shorts and t-shirts. but i don't think it's rude at all if someone prefers their wedding to be formal affair, JMO.
also, when it's an adult-only affair, it may mean extra money for the guests too as some of them will need to pay for a babysitter.
eogara
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Re: Black tie vs. Black tie optional
Posted by isuser then is it ok to get upset when MOB or other guests wear a white/off-white dress?
personally, i don't care what my guests wear, even if they show up in shorts and t-shirts. but i don't think it's rude at all if someone prefers their wedding to be formal affair, JMO.
also, when it's an adult-only affair, it may mean extra money for the guests too as some of them will need to pay for a babysitter.
As I've noted, this is IMO. MOB wearing a white dress indicates all sorts of issues that go far beyond the wedding day so I'm not even touching that. A guest doing it? I truthfully didn't even notice what the hell anyone was wearing so who cares?
To me, people do it for appearance's sake - like look how hoighty toity we are even though in our every day lives we're teachers or something. IMO that is the very definition of pretentious, which is one of my biggest pet peeves.
In all fairness, I can understand looking toward the wedding with angst about this to a point. Someone wearing cutoffs to your Saturday night wedding is a different from them wearing a suit v. a tux. If someone already has a suit, what in god's name does it matter to the bride and groom if he wears that? And, in reality, it is WAY more likely that people have the suit than have the tux.
I'm going to bow out of the thread now. I just want to let you guys know that seriously, that day, you're not even going to notice. Concentrate on the things that will make or break the wedding.
marymoon
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Re: Black tie vs. Black tie optional
For me, I don't mind AT ALL if they wear dark suits and ties.
it's the kkahis and sports jackets I'm concerned with,
And yes, it looks AWFUL in pictures. If people are dressed inapporpriately they stand out..in a bad way
Thumballina
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Re: Black tie vs. Black tie optional
Posted by suebride
Posted by june262004
Posted by suebride
we wrote black tie preferred --i don't think it is rude at all! you are telling people that it is a formal affair and to dress appropriately...
But people already know its a FORMAL AFFAIR. Black Tie mean go rent a tux and give me a gift or don't come.
no actually --some people don't know it is a formal affair --i went to a wedding this weekend where some women showed up in very casual summer dresses and men were wearing khaki's and button down shirts.
to each his own!
I agree...I've been to weddings where some men show up in khakis and a button down...I don't see it as rude if you put 'balck tie optional or preferred' on your invitations...its your wedding...FH does not see it as an inconvience when he is asked to rent a tux...he doesn't have to worry about going out to get a new suit or new shirt and tie...I think people blow this out of context...
babydoc
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Re: Black tie vs. Black tie optional
Figured I'd chime in with my .02 on this one. Writing either 'black tie' or 'black tie optional' is neither rude nor pretentious. Many couples are spending a lot of money to throw an elegant affair and would feel that having people show up in non-formal attire would diminish the elegance of the affair. Why spend $100K on an event to have it look elegant and then have the overall feel of the event seem casual because a number of people show up in khakis. Also, most of my friends wear suits everyday to work. If you want the event to feel special and not ordinary, the last thing you want is to have them wearing the same thing they wear everyday of the week. Wearing a tux will create an image that the event is different. The guests will feel more elegant and it will be reflected in their demeanor. I'm not saying that you can't have an elegant wedding without it being black-tie, you certainly can. It will just present a different feel and each is entitled to their own opinion. If people can't afford a tux, there are other options. You can borrow one or you can show up without one and possibly feel slightly out of place. I'd rather have one or two people show up without one and feel out of place then change the entire appearance of the function to accomodate the few. It's your wedding - not theirs.
Goldi1021
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Re: Black tie vs. Black tie optional
I am having a Saturday night FORMAL wedding. If I could put 'black tie' on the invitation I would. But my mother, doesn't like that so rather than fight with her, I figured its easier to appease her by putting 'black tie optional'. FH and I are older and established people and many of our guests are of the same type. However, as previously stated by others, there are always a few people who do not get the clue of what 'Black Tie' or 'Black Tie Optional' means and they wear something completely innappropriate. There was a time when it was UNDERSTOOD that a Saturday night function was formal and black tie, but it seems to me that if people knew, there would be no need to tell people.
My own reposts from another topic/ board:
I have two gowns and three cocktail dresses all of which can be worn to formal functions - it is ALMOST expected for a woman to have this. FH plans on buying a tuxedo when he loses weight. Most of his friends own tuxedos too. My father, brother, brother in law, and FFIL all own their own tuxedos. If we are expected to have formal attire, so should they. And ours ends up costing more because we have to have shoes and bags and specialty bras and minimzers and hosiery. JMO. There is truly a double standard as far as men and women owning formal wear. Women can't wear the same dress twice without commentary so they have to change their wardrobes more frequently. Men wear one tuxedo and if they get a black tie/vest combo, they never have to change it again - at least not for 5 or so years.
Our desires to have a formal wedding are just that - OURS. WE BOTH waited a long time for this and if people find it pretentious and imposing, then tough noogies - don't come. I DO pay attention to detail and as we prepare to spend thousands on a once in a lifetime event, I have every right to want it to look a certain way.
