Black tie vs. Black tie optional

I don't think its rude at all to write either one. Some people tend to have very informal affairs, and can misunderstand the formality of the event. If you want a very elegant affair then either one would do, I would preferably write Black Tie optional (JMO).

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Posted by Marisa M

To simply Answer the Question:

Black Tie - Wear a Tux or Gown, this is an extremely formal affair
Black Tie Optional/Preferred - The Hosts are trying to politely communicate the fact that this is a Formal Affair. - A Tuxedo or Dark Suit is appropriate. -
At least that's how I would take it. -

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I agree. And personally I find having this wording helpful because I have trouble figuring out what to wear to different weddings and have felt out of place for having been too dressed up.

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Posted by dleeny

IMO, asking people to rent/buy a tux for your wedding is a lot to ask. they're probably buying a new suit or dress or accessories to begin with in addition to giving you a gift (and perhaps a shower gift as well).

again, JMO.

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JMO too... most people (like 98%) I know do not own a tux...plus it is more important to me for people to feel comfy at my wedding

Even though Black Tie very clearly implies all men must wear a tux, I don't think it means that all men will wear one. I do find it to be a little pretentious to have a Black Tie wedding, unless you know that the vast majority of your guests OWN a tux. Then all Black Tie means is pulling the tux out of the closet instead of the suit. If it means 100 people must go out a spend money buying/renting a tux, then I think that's kind of rude.
Like many of you, I have seen the level of formality at weddings drop and I wanted a fancy wedding. I was on the fence about writing Black Tie Optional, but I decided to go with Formal Reception. Tuxedos weren't necessary, but I did want to make it clear that khakkis and summer dresses would not be the appropriate attire.

Sandi, I thought you would get a very straight forward answer to this, and my....how everyone has their own take on things! I wanted to add my personal opinion and experiences to this. I do not think it's rude at all to say 'black tie optional'. Whenever I have seen 'Black tie' or 'black tie preferrred' on invitations, I assumed it was geared towards a specific type of guest list - maybe older, maybe more sophisticated. In some circles I'm sure it is very appropriate and almost expected. I can't see someone including this if half their guests are in their 20's and still establishing themselves.

We wrote 'Black Tie optional' primarily for the groom's side to guage the degree of formality at NY Saturday night weddings. We had 100 or so guests from outside the tri-state area and many close uncles and cousins are professional men. The groom knew they owned their own tuxes and this was a way of letting them know it was okay for them to wear them, without making it a requirement. Without this notation they may have hesitated. Many local friends and relatives surprisingly did choose to rent tuxes and they said they felt like they were going to their prom again. Just as many did not and there was no reason for them to feel out of place.

I hope this helps.
Let me know how all your plans are going. It's getting close! I'm thinking of you and I wish you all the best.
Don't forget to send me pictures.
Mary

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Posted by suebride

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Posted by june262004

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Posted by suebride

we wrote black tie preferred --i don't think it is rude at all! you are telling people that it is a formal affair and to dress appropriately...

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But people already know its a FORMAL AFFAIR. Black Tie mean go rent a tux and give me a gift or don't come.

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no actually --some people don't know it is a formal affair --i went to a wedding this weekend where some women showed up in very casual summer dresses and men were wearing khaki's and button down shirts.

to each his own!

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we didn't write formal affair b/c our day is laid back, like us!! i think i would die if i saw our friends dressed in tuxes!!! especially FH's friends ... they are all military and i'm used to seeing them in only their cami's ... it's gonna be quite interesting!!!

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Posted by jersee3380

we didn't write formal affair b/c our day is laid back, like us!! i think i would die if i saw our friends dressed in tuxes!!! especially FH's friends ... they are all military and i'm used to seeing them in only their cami's ... it's gonna be quite interesting!!!

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This is really what it boils down to, doesn't it? You need to know your guests and accept their comfort level and your own. As long as no one is misguided, you will all have a great time.

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Posted by LImom

Whenever I have seen 'Black tie' or 'black tie preferrred' on invitations, I assumed it was geared towards a specific type of guest list - maybe older, maybe more sophisticated. In some circles I'm sure it is very appropriate and almost expected. I can't see someone including this if half their guests are in their 20's and still establishing themselves.

Mary

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I really don't think age has anything to do with whether black tie or black tie preferred is expected. You seem to think someone who is older is more sophisticasted, but that's not necessarily the case. FH and I are both in our mid-20s and have written 'black tie preferred'. Most of our guests in their 20s are quite 'sophisticated' being lawyers, accountants, business owners, directors, etc., and have no problem (and some even ENJOY) wearing black tie. The age of your guests shouldn't determine the dress code- the bride and groom should based on what THEY want.

I had a simialr post like this a few months ago that got way out of hand. I think, especially for FH's family, I need to put SOMETHING donw, and be as explicit as possible, so I may need to write black tie optional., although I went t a wedding in his family that was black tie optional, Fh and I went in black tie. I wore a full length ball gowna nd got my hair done, FH wore his tux, and practically NO ONE else was dressed in black tie INCLUDING the immediately family fo the B&G, like the grom's uncle was in a dark grey suit.

I think I'm going to have to put black tie optional. I don't want people who don't have it to go out and HAVE to spend $$ on a tux (although most men in my family, from my age (23) on up all own tuxedos), but I want to convey the formality of the event and if people have tuxes, they should wear them. to me

Black tie: You must wear a tuxedo ir a ballgown.

Black tie optional: If you have it, or want to, you may wear a tuxedo or a ballgown, if not, you may wear a dark suit or a floorlength gown (no lght suits, khakis or cocktail dresses).

I was going to just put 'formal reception' which I think implies black tie optional, but I think for FH's family I want to be as explicit as possible. FH already told me his mom isnt going to want to spend more than $100 on her dress, so we have some work to do.

it really depends on your family and friends and what you think they will think. We're getting married sorta young (we'll be 24), so a lot fo our firneds will be ignorant to this as well, so I think in my case it's best to be as explicit as possible.

I don't understand how this is rude. Most catered events have a dress code.

It's interesting to me how everyone is very supportive - that it's your wedding and you should do what you want - but that rule doesn't apply to this topic. If you want a formal wedding where people wear tuxes, then say so in the invitation. IMO it's ruder to do things based on how it will affect the presents you get.

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Posted by agentangel

I don't understand how this is rude. Most catered events have a dress code.

It's interesting to me how everyone is very supportive - that it's your wedding and you should do what you want - but that rule doesn't apply to this topic. If you want a formal wedding where people wear tuxes, then say so in the invitation. IMO it's ruder to do things based on how it will affect the presents you get.

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WHERE IS THE APPLAUSE ICON!!!!


THANK YOU!

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Posted by agentangel

I don't understand how this is rude. Most catered events have a dress code.

It's interesting to me how everyone is very supportive - that it's your wedding and you should do what you want - but that rule doesn't apply to this topic. If you want a formal wedding where people wear tuxes, then say so in the invitation.

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Everything else that's 'your way' is affecting you. This is imposing your will on the guests. Personally, I don't just find it rude, I find it pretentious.

ETA: If that day you are concerning yourself so much with what the guests are wearing, your wedding is seriously lacking in the important areas. You're not going to CARE about that! It's supposed to be about getting together with the people you love to celebrate your marriage. Whether someone is in a tux or a suit hurting or helping this is just absolutely ridiculous IMO.

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Posted by o17range

Just as its ok to have 'adult only' affairs, I also believe its ok to have black tie, black tie optional, beach party, and casual dress affairs. I opted out of a dress code, but wish I had since no one is familiar with the Woodlands, and I have gotten a ton of questions as to the formality of the affair.

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yeha woodlands is new. And a lot fo epopel ahven't heard of NRC, esp FH's family who mostly live out of state..so they have no idea. I don't even think they understand what a saturday evening affair implies.

Maybe I'm 'lacking' something, but I WILL be mortified if people show up in khakis