BM Drama

I get a phone call last night from one of my girls that another BM is complaining about how much my wedding is costing her. I am so mad!!! I have not done anything extreme and have only asked them to pay for a dress. They are paying for me to go away - but I didnt not ask for it...they planned this on their own. She is mad that the bridal party is planning my gift for the shower and they asked her for the money. ***??? That is so on fair. It makes me feel guilty and I dont think I should have to feel this way.

Is anyone else having these issues??

I havent had these issues yet., but I feel for you. If all they are paying for so far is the dress, thats not that bad. I feel bad for BMs though, it does cost a lot. Figure the dress, shoes, Hair & Makeup if they want it done, Bridal shower gift, bachelorette party, wedding gift, etc.. Its soo much and it does add up.

I'm sorry you're getting the brunt of all of it. Its not fair that she's complaining about you since most of it is incidental expenses, such as taking you away.

---

Posted by cherish83

I havent had these issues yet., but I feel for you. If all they are paying for so far is the dress, thats not that bad. I feel bad for BMs though, it does cost a lot. Figure the dress, shoes, Hair & Makeup if they want it done, Bridal shower gift, bachelorette party, wedding gift, etc.. Its soo much and it does add up.

I'm sorry you're getting the brunt of all of it. Its not fair that she's complaining about you since most of it is incidental expenses, such as taking you away.

---

i agree - its alot to expect from your friends and family, thats why im trying to keep it as low key and inexpensive as possible - i dont think my sisters and best friend should have to feel pressured to spend money because 'they should expect to' to me thats not what being in the bridal party is about - these are peoples lives and i hate knowing that they are spending hundreds of dollars for just one day of my life

i do feel bad for you, because YOU aren't the one asking for the money b/c these were the plans of your BP and did not include you....you dont sound like a bossy bride but you are getting the crap from your friend for it which kind of *****....

im sorry i dont have any good advice to give...maybe this is something your BP as a unit can discuss? maybe they can cut costs somewhere? go to a less expensive place for the bach party? im not really sure what to say

lots of

why is she complaining about 'YOUR' wedding and how much its costing her, it doesnt make sense. Your other bm's planned a bp to go away, and put in for your gift. And UHMMMM regardless of your bm's talking about getting you a gift together, wouldn't she buy you one anyways whether it was with all of them or by herself, or was she not planning on getting you a gift

---

Posted by MrsK2008

you should never ever be made aware of any issues with your attendants. Any person sharing this info with you should be punched in the nose!

---

i agree and good old punch in the nose seems like the solution

I have a feeling I may only have problems with one girl, but she's ALWAYS complaining about money problems...and thats a WHOLE other issue. But while I did pick expensive dresses, she has 2 years to save!!! Honestly, if you can't handle to financial responsibility, just don't become a BM.

---

Posted by mrsdraskin2009



I have a feeling I may only have problems with one girl, but she's ALWAYS complaining about money problems...and thats a WHOLE other issue. But while I did pick expensive dresses, she has 2 years to save!!! Honestly, if you can't handle to financial responsibility, just don't become a BM.

---

See I just don't think that's fair...maybe she wants to save for something other when 'your' wedding...I think it's bad to think that if someone wants to be part of your day then they should have to spend a lot to do so. And if they don't like it Tough......sorry just a tough situation for me cause I feel very strongly about it.

---

Posted by zoe282

I think it's a tough situation. Although the BP planned the get away Bachelorette party was it something you said you wanted to do? Cause then they feel obligated to plan what you wanted. IMO I don't think it's fair to ask your BP to go away for your bachelorette. I think Bachelorette parties have gotten way out of hand. As much as they want to celebrate with you they should't have to be forced into the situation where they feel bad if they don't go. That being said it sounds like you are being reasonable about the other things. I think everyone complains about money. I complained about it in BP's I was in. As much as everyone says if you agree to be in the party you should expect to spend money...what would happen if someone said no...you'd be hurt. it's a lot to be in BP espcially when there is a lot going on in everyones life. I wouldn't take offense to it as long as you know in your heart you are being reasonable. I think whether they know it or not everyones BP complains at 1 point or another. Mostly about what it's costing them.

---

i dont think its true for every situation with girls going away. For my friends wedding i wanted to suggest we all go away for her bp, but she said she wants to stay local and all of us girls would've loved to go away. Dont think the situation can be applied to ALL bp's that you go away for. My friends go away on vacations a couple times a year so its something they're used to doing. FOr mine i took care of the suite, and they bought their plane tickets, so many also like the opportunity to stay at a suite in vegas at the palms for free. So not all are unfair. PLUS there are bm's that are not going, people are not obligated to go. It was told to them that there are no obligations, and if they cant come it is perfectly fine and not to worry about it. I have 3 bm's not going, but other girls who are not in the BP said they want to go and this was them on their own saying they would love to join us in vegas

But even if you say no obligation and they don't go cause they can't afford it, then they miss out on the opportunity to celebrate with you. When they might want to...or they do something they can't afford so that they can celebrate with you.

It was very nice of you to get the suite. And yes some people do want to go away....but most times there is at least 1 person who can't or doesn't want to. I just don't think it's right to leave out that person.

---

Posted by zoe282

I think it's a tough situation. Although the BP planned the get away Bachelorette party was it something you said you wanted to do? Cause then they feel obligated to plan what you wanted. IMO I don't think it's fair to ask your BP to go away for your bachelorette. I think Bachelorette parties have gotten way out of hand. As much as they want to celebrate with you they should't have to be forced into the situation where they feel bad if they don't go. That being said it sounds like you are being reasonable about the other things. I think everyone complains about money. I complained about it in BP's I was in. As much as everyone says if you agree to be in the party you should expect to spend money...what would happen if someone said no...you'd be hurt. it's a lot to be in BP espcially when there is a lot going on in everyones life. I wouldn't take offense to it as long as you know in your heart you are being reasonable. I think whether they know it or not everyones BP complains at 1 point or another. Mostly about what it's costing them.

---

'IMO I don't think it's fair to ask your BP to go away for your bachelorette. I think Bachelorette parties have gotten way out of hand. As much as they want to celebrate with you they should't have to be forced into the situation where they feel bad if they don't go.'

I agree. I don't think its fair to expect people to take vacations for you and then get mad when you say you might not be able to attend - give me a break! I got into a ton of drama over that with a bride and felt forced out of her BP and now im out the money I already spent for the wedding - and then she tried to slander me on LIW

Only you know your friend - if there is a chance it might be difficult for her then cut her some slack - i dont agree about her approach to the situation but put yourself in her shoes and dont take it to heart - she may not have anticipated all of the expenses like going away for the BP and chipping in for a BP gift - who knows she might have wanted to get you her own gift for the shower and now she feels overwhelemed getting you two gifts - you never know.....

---

Posted by JnD110808

I feel like when you say yes to be in someones bridal party they should fully be prepared to spend some money. My FSIL has been complaining about another bridal party she's in, but she was fully aware it was going to cost her. It's a destination wedding in Aruba. You should have said No if you couldn't pay for it.

---

I have to agree with this- when you say yes to be a part of a BP then yes you have to be prepared for people (or other people in the BP) to ask your help in paying for stuff.

I am going through the same thing, all my girls chipped in only $40.00 all but one she refuses my sisters and mom are paying for everything else, the money was to go toward a gift for me and fh, and she refuses, and the other girls are upset and said they are not adding her name to the gift. it had caused some drama, one of my other bm slipped and told me what was going on. but my sister is handling everything, that is just one thing i did not need to be stressed over, i have not heard anything else so i do not know where it stands as of now. but let your bp handle it and try to stay out of it. it will work it self out.

---

Posted by zoe282

---

Posted by mrsdraskin2009



I have a feeling I may only have problems with one girl, but she's ALWAYS complaining about money problems...and thats a WHOLE other issue. But while I did pick expensive dresses, she has 2 years to save!!! Honestly, if you can't handle to financial responsibility, just don't become a BM.

---

See I just don't think that's fair...maybe she wants to save for something other when 'your' wedding...I think it's bad to think that if someone wants to be part of your day then they should have to spend a lot to do so. And if they don't like it Tough......sorry just a tough situation for me cause I feel very strongly about it.

---

i dont think girls should be expected to pay alot. BUT there are expenses regardless. I went to rk and had them do the no frills and it saved them over $80 on their dresses so came out to under $200 bc of this. My mom paid for the shower so the girls wouldnt have an added expense. I paid for the suite in vegas, so i am trying to help. I told the girls i dont care how they do their hair or make up that is all up to them. I also told them they can wear any shoes with the dress. So i sit here and do consider the girls and their expenses. BUT no matter what you know before you say yes that there will be some money you have to pay. I will be a bm in sept, i know its going to cost me some money. I am fine with whatever dress she chooses, i am ready to put money for her bp, i also volunteered if they need help with the shower and also for a shower gift. The OP is talking about her bm complaining about the girls buying a shower gift, i mean was she planning on not buying a shower gift

it definitely is hard, and yes we'd be hurt if somebody said no but if someone was real sincere and said they just cant afford it then we'd deal with it.

sorry you're dealing with this---BPs can bring out some crazy in girls!!

hope you can work it out...maybe have a talk with the girl who is complaining and find out whats going on with her. i think some people don't understand fully what they get themselves into when they says yes to being a BM.