BM Drama

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Posted by zoe282

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Posted by mrsdraskin2009



I have a feeling I may only have problems with one girl, but she's ALWAYS complaining about money problems...and thats a WHOLE other issue. But while I did pick expensive dresses, she has 2 years to save!!! Honestly, if you can't handle to financial responsibility, just don't become a BM.

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See I just don't think that's fair...maybe she wants to save for something other when 'your' wedding...I think it's bad to think that if someone wants to be part of your day then they should have to spend a lot to do so. And if they don't like it Tough......sorry just a tough situation for me cause I feel very strongly about it.

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i agree with you. i am a bride and i am trying to be as accomodating to my BP as possible. i dont think its fair to force people you love into spending money....everyone has a different money situation and i wouldnt want my best friends, my sisters, to not be part of my wedding because they couldnt afford what i 'expected' of them

ETS: im talking about spending unecessary money - you dont need to buy a 250 bridesmaid dress, and only one pair of shoes that costs $100, or go away on vacation for a bachorlette party, make people stay at the hotel the night before the wedding, etc.etc. - i feel that as a bride if you HAVE to have those things and you know people cant afford it then figure out a way to make it work and help them out - thats what im doing - anything that i want that is a little over the top im paying the extra money for for my girls

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Posted by Future Mulligan

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Posted by zoe282

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Posted by mrsdraskin2009



I have a feeling I may only have problems with one girl, but she's ALWAYS complaining about money problems...and thats a WHOLE other issue. But while I did pick expensive dresses, she has 2 years to save!!! Honestly, if you can't handle to financial responsibility, just don't become a BM.

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See I just don't think that's fair...maybe she wants to save for something other when 'your' wedding...I think it's bad to think that if someone wants to be part of your day then they should have to spend a lot to do so. And if they don't like it Tough......sorry just a tough situation for me cause I feel very strongly about it.

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i agree with you. i am a bride and i am trying to be as accomodating to my BP as possible. i dont think its fair to force people you love into spending money....everyone has a different money situation and i wouldnt want my best friends, my sisters, to not be part of my wedding because they couldnt afford what i 'expected' of them

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Hear hear!! Well said

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by zoe282

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Posted by mrsdraskin2009



I have a feeling I may only have problems with one girl, but she's ALWAYS complaining about money problems...and thats a WHOLE other issue. But while I did pick expensive dresses, she has 2 years to save!!! Honestly, if you can't handle to financial responsibility, just don't become a BM.

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See I just don't think that's fair...maybe she wants to save for something other when 'your' wedding...I think it's bad to think that if someone wants to be part of your day then they should have to spend a lot to do so. And if they don't like it Tough......sorry just a tough situation for me cause I feel very strongly about it.

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i dont think girls should be expected to pay alot. BUT there are expenses regardless. I went to rk and had them do the no frills and it saved them over $80 on their dresses so came out to under $200 bc of this. My mom paid for the shower so the girls wouldnt have an added expense. I paid for the suite in vegas, so i am trying to help. I told the girls i dont care how they do their hair or make up that is all up to them. I also told them they can wear any shoes with the dress. So i sit here and do consider the girls and their expenses. BUT no matter what you know before you say yes that there will be some money you have to pay. I will be a bm in sept, i know its going to cost me some money. I am fine with whatever dress she chooses, i am ready to put money for her bp, i also volunteered if they need help with the shower and also for a shower gift. The OP is talking about her bm complaining about the girls buying a shower gift, i mean was she planning on not buying a shower gift

it definitely is hard, and yes we'd be hurt if somebody said no but if someone was real sincere and said they just cant afford it then we'd deal with it.

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I agree. Yes you would feel bad if somebody said no to being in your bridal party but not if you were honest from the start and said you cant afford it. I was in my cousins wedding a few years ago and when she first asked me I told her I was honored but that I wanted to make sure I could afford everything before I committed. Being part of someones BP is an honor so I think anyone you ask should want to be involved with everything. It is understandable if someone couldnt go away for the bachelorette party but for her to complain about the cost of the dress and cost to get ready for that day. This is something she should have expected. We are going away for my bachelorette party but this was discussed over a year before the wedding and everyone agreed this was something they wanted to do to have a fun girls getaway to celebrate. My cousin told me she might not be able to go because of certain things and that was fine with me. She did suggest that we all go out to dinner here so she could be part of the celebration. Maybe if your BM cant go away because of the money maybe you can plan to go out to dinner or something so she doesnt feel left out.

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Posted by zoe282

But even if you say no obligation and they don't go cause they can't afford it, then they miss out on the opportunity to celebrate with you. When they might want to...or they do something they can't afford so that they can celebrate with you.

It was very nice of you to get the suite. And yes some people do want to go away....but most times there is at least 1 person who can't or doesn't want to. I just don't think it's right to leave out that person.

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we are doing something local too the week my fh is away for his bachelor party so they will get to celebrate too. Ill be honest it mightve come out to less now, in nyc to get us a table wouldve cost more than their plane tickets, 1 bottle that is REQUIRED(actually its either 2-4) at a club when u get a table cost as much as a plane ticket. And then dinner, and hotel or whatever.

2 of the bm's not going are my 2 cousins. They are in a bad situation so even going out to NYC will be hard for them, i am trying to see if i can help pay for their dress, i already put in my own money towards some of their dress to help them out. The 3rd is a mother and wouldnt go even when we are going to do it in nyc. The other 5 bm's are going, 1 actually got free plane tix so this will basically be a free trip for her lol and i know the other girls well and like i said these are girls who go on vacation about 3x a year and they know me to know i dont think they are obligated to go and i wouldve been fine with it. Not fair to say my situation is wrong when nobody knows the situation personally, know my girls or me. I do understand looking at it from the outside why things can look a certain way. But im a person who doesnt get mad or expect this, and easy going about these situations. Hey i had to back out of the last vegas trip all the girls went on so i understand money situations. Also since ive been engaged, not only did they go to vegas but they went to FL more than once and for them it was a last minute trip just like hey lets go to FL next week lol, they take planes to syracuse lol and other trips ive missed. Although last year for my bm's birthday me and my moh took her to ac for the weekend and paid for her

hey i was even understanding about my own cousin who is a bm not coming to my shower bc it was the same day as her friends shower

bride908 im sorry you are having these issues, i think you should just talk to your friend about it - maybe she didnt feel comfortable telling the other girls in the BP that it was too much money for her to chip in or go on vacation and thats why she told you - maybe she just wants you to say that its ok for her to not chip in for the gift (of course im assuming she is still going to get a you a gift but maybe something less expensive than what your BP is asking her for)....i rather take that approach than lose a friend over it....

ETS - i re-read your original post....i thought she told you - i didnt realize it was another BM who kind of tattled on her it may have been harmless venting - we all do it - if its bothering you ask her about it - it could be that it is truly to much for her - if it is im sure you can work something out with her - i rather keep my friend as a BM than make her drop out b/c of money

Did she ever mention to you before that things were tight with money? I dont know why this other girl would call you and tell you this because of course you are going to feel bad and get aggravated. Maybe you should see what happens, if she doesnt call your say anything to you maybe then you need to approach her about it.
Yea it ***** that you have to go through these issues when this is supposed to be the best time of your life but if you really consider her a friend you might want to talk about it so there arent any hard feelings later on.

I remember when I was a bridesmaid and my financial situation was a little tight at that time , complaining how much everything was to other BM's , even though I wouldn't have dropped out of her wedding because of it .

Now that my wedding is comming up, I feel really crappy about complaining , because certain costs are to be expected that I didn't think of or appreciate till MY wedding .

the bottom line is , these are your best friends , and I am sure they would do anything for you - Maybe she just needed to vent, but don't take it personally ( even though I know its hard) .

If it still upsets you , maybe your should talk to her and clear the air

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Posted by Espo22

i dont know, i guess i just feel bad about bm's complaining about the brides wedding for the OP and other girls who had to deal with it. Its sad bc they're your bm's for a reason and are close friends and family. If my close friend is getting married i am going to be so happy and excited for her. Instead of complaining, i would see what she needs help with, what can i do for her and volunteer and help out as much as i could, isnt that what friends do? don't you want to be part of such a huge moment of your friends life. I couldnt imagine just sitting there and complaining like her wedding is a big inconvenience for me. And if there are money issues then they need to be brought up, otherwise how is the bride to know and how will it get solved. When i asked my cousins she brought up the cost of bm dresses right away and wanted to make me aware of it, she also thought id pick $400-500 dresses lol. I sat down with her and told her what price range i was looking at and how to help her save the money, so with what we came up with it would be $12 a week she'd have to save. I also said i will help with some costs if she needs me to and if something comes up to let me know right away so we can fix it. If a bm just sits and complains to the other bm's that wont get anybody anywhere and just make the situation worse. maybe talking to the bride and have a nice civilized convo would be better.

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I couldn't have said it better myself

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Posted by Espo22

i dont know, i guess i just feel bad about bm's complaining about the brides wedding for the OP and other girls who had to deal with it. Its sad bc they're your bm's for a reason and are close friends and family. If my close friend is getting married i am going to be so happy and excited for her. Instead of complaining, i would see what she needs help with, what can i do for her and volunteer and help out as much as i could, isnt that what friends do? don't you want to be part of such a huge moment of your friends life. I couldnt imagine just sitting there and complaining like her wedding is a big inconvenience for me. And if there are money issues then they need to be brought up, otherwise how is the bride to know and how will it get solved. When i asked my cousins she brought up the cost of bm dresses right away and wanted to make me aware of it, she also thought id pick $400-500 dresses lol. I sat down with her and told her what price range i was looking at and how to help her save the money, so with what we came up with it would be $12 a week she'd have to save. I also said i will help with some costs if she needs me to and if something comes up to let me know right away so we can fix it. If a bm just sits and complains to the other bm's that wont get anybody anywhere and just make the situation worse. maybe talking to the bride and have a nice civilized convo would be better.

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i agree - i have no problem helping out my BMs if they cant afford something - ive said it 100 times - its not a big deal to me - thats my point about some brides being a little selfish - denise you arent because you are willing to help if someone cant afford something and you arent holding it against them or saying to them - too bad you should have known x, y and z before you said yes...i dont know i guess everyone has different opinions on it - i feel that i choose the girls i choose because i love them and they are family to me - im not expecting them to bend over backwards for me and drop serious cash just because im getting married - im not like that - i feel too guilty forcing people to do stuff - i just want them there standing next to me the day i marry the love of my life - all the other stuff is kind of silly to me and not worth it, its overrated to me

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Posted by Future Mulligan

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Posted by Espo22

i dont know, i guess i just feel bad about bm's complaining about the brides wedding for the OP and other girls who had to deal with it. Its sad bc they're your bm's for a reason and are close friends and family. If my close friend is getting married i am going to be so happy and excited for her. Instead of complaining, i would see what she needs help with, what can i do for her and volunteer and help out as much as i could, isnt that what friends do? don't you want to be part of such a huge moment of your friends life. I couldnt imagine just sitting there and complaining like her wedding is a big inconvenience for me. And if there are money issues then they need to be brought up, otherwise how is the bride to know and how will it get solved. When i asked my cousins she brought up the cost of bm dresses right away and wanted to make me aware of it, she also thought id pick $400-500 dresses lol. I sat down with her and told her what price range i was looking at and how to help her save the money, so with what we came up with it would be $12 a week she'd have to save. I also said i will help with some costs if she needs me to and if something comes up to let me know right away so we can fix it. If a bm just sits and complains to the other bm's that wont get anybody anywhere and just make the situation worse. maybe talking to the bride and have a nice civilized convo would be better.

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i agree - i have no problem helping out my BMs if they cant afford something - ive said it 100 times - its not a big deal to me - thats my point about some brides being a little selfish - denise you arent because you are willing to help if someone cant afford something and you arent holding it against them or saying to them - too bad you should have known x, y and z before you said yes...i dont know i guess everyone has different opinions on it - i feel that i choose the girls i choose because i love them and they are family to me - im not expecting them to bend over backwards for me and drop serious cash just because im getting married - im not like that - i feel too guilty forcing people to do stuff - i just want them there standing next to me the day i marry the love of my life - all the other stuff is kind of silly to me and not worth it, its overrated to me

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it can definitely be a difficult situation. I think with these things, its hard to judge all of them and put it in the same category, its on an individual basis

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by Future Mulligan

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Posted by Espo22

i dont know, i guess i just feel bad about bm's complaining about the brides wedding for the OP and other girls who had to deal with it. Its sad bc they're your bm's for a reason and are close friends and family. If my close friend is getting married i am going to be so happy and excited for her. Instead of complaining, i would see what she needs help with, what can i do for her and volunteer and help out as much as i could, isnt that what friends do? don't you want to be part of such a huge moment of your friends life. I couldnt imagine just sitting there and complaining like her wedding is a big inconvenience for me. And if there are money issues then they need to be brought up, otherwise how is the bride to know and how will it get solved. When i asked my cousins she brought up the cost of bm dresses right away and wanted to make me aware of it, she also thought id pick $400-500 dresses lol. I sat down with her and told her what price range i was looking at and how to help her save the money, so with what we came up with it would be $12 a week she'd have to save. I also said i will help with some costs if she needs me to and if something comes up to let me know right away so we can fix it. If a bm just sits and complains to the other bm's that wont get anybody anywhere and just make the situation worse. maybe talking to the bride and have a nice civilized convo would be better.

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i agree - i have no problem helping out my BMs if they cant afford something - ive said it 100 times - its not a big deal to me - thats my point about some brides being a little selfish - denise you arent because you are willing to help if someone cant afford something and you arent holding it against them or saying to them - too bad you should have known x, y and z before you said yes...i dont know i guess everyone has different opinions on it - i feel that i choose the girls i choose because i love them and they are family to me - im not expecting them to bend over backwards for me and drop serious cash just because im getting married - im not like that - i feel too guilty forcing people to do stuff - i just want them there standing next to me the day i marry the love of my life - all the other stuff is kind of silly to me and not worth it, its overrated to me

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it can definitely be a difficult situation. I think with these things, its hard to judge all of them and put it in the same category, its on an individual basis

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i agree! thats why i only have 3 girls! when you start putting a bunch of females together things can get really nuts real quick! you are right everyone is different and the more different your girls are the more problems you might have!