So 3 of my bm's were a given, theyre girls who ive gorwn up with since i was like 7..... 2 of them really arent doing anything, dont ask me about how anything is going etc. However were all pretty young (23) and only 1 is full time working, the other 2 are still in grad school working part time.... this being said and given that 2 are indifferent to the whole wedding thing, do you think it would be rude to kind of sit them down and get their true feelings to see if they can even afford to be part of the bp? would that be really offensive to them you think?
SummerBride10
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Re: BM Opinion
Maybe you can casually mention to them about the cost of some of things you're researching as a hint to 'save up' or to make sure they really are serious. You can bring up the prices of different BM dresses/makeup/hair etc. You can most likely gauge a reaction that way.
grkbarbie
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im sure their moms will pay, no?
Jna2010
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Posted by grkbarbie
im sure their moms will pay, no?
highly doubt it
Im getting Married
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IMO if you asked them already (knowing their situations) you should be mindful of that as well. I would try to choose dresses that might not be super expensive & let them get their own hair done...usually much cheaper than having someone come in and do it.
That being said I agree that you can gauge their thoughts by talking with them.
HTH
Jna2010
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Posted by Im getting Married
IMO if you asked them already (knowing their situations) you should be mindful of that as well. I would try to choose dresses that might not be super expensive & let them get their own hair done...usually much cheaper than having someone come in and do it.
That being said I agree that you can gauge their thoughts by talking with them.
HTH
well i never rwally asked per say, it was just given ya know, not that i wouldnt want them as my bm's but i feel like because it was never like so official (i have yet to give them their bm cards, i do things a$$ backwards) that they might feel a little hesitant about it
grkbarbie
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its tough. maybe give them their cards individually. and then in ims u can be like.. i know its a lot of pressure etc etc andbring up expenses.. and say that u completelyunderstand if u cant do it financally and that u wont be mad.
thats way ur still nice and diplomatic.. yet u take the pressure off of them and they dont feel forced to be in ur bp.
mrsdraskin2009
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I would go the casual route for now...I know my BP is kinda scattered and we're all doing our own things and I haven't expected them to really do anything yet. I'm not really bothered by it though. But if you need them for things and they aren't taking it seriously, then I'd mention it nonchalantly and take it from there
Lsorrent
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I kind of had a similar issue with one of my old college roommates. She very rarely asks about the wedding, and I haven't seen her in over a year (she lives in CT). She was invited to my e-party and didn't come - said she was going away that weekend, and we keep saying we need to get together again soon, but it just isn't happening.
I've finally come to the conclusion that I just don't think she's reliable enough and while I'll still invite her to the shower, b-party, and wedding, I'm not going to ask her to be a BM.
I think you really need to go with your gut on this one. If you feel they might flake on you, as much as it s*cks, I wouldn't ask them to be a BM. This is NOT the time you want to be dealing with crap like that.
Jna2010
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Posted by grkbarbie
its tough. maybe give them their cards individually. and then in ims u can be like.. i know its a lot of pressure etc etc andbring up expenses.. and say that u completelyunderstand if u cant do it financally and that u wont be mad.
thats way ur still nice and diplomatic.. yet u take the pressure off of them and they dont feel forced to be in ur bp.
oooo good one!!
thx barb!
ty ladies!!!!! i heart my liw chickies!
Jenna_and_John
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Maybe they'd be more into it once you officially ask them. Sometimes people may be hesitant because they don't want to seem too into it and pressure you to make them a bm just because they seem interested, does that make sense? Even though it's a given, I know until I were officially told, I'd prob be a little hesitant with how I said things and got into everything, just bc I wouldn't want to assume. I honestly think you should just officially ask them and I think things will seem better. I'm pretty much in the same boat, we're all 23/24, I'm the only one at this point right now and it's sometimes hard to not have everyone as into it as I am. I do think though that officially asking my friends has helped, good luck!
Jenna_and_John
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Posted by grkbarbie
its tough. maybe give them their cards individually. and then in ims u can be like.. i know its a lot of pressure etc etc andbring up expenses.. and say that u completelyunderstand if u cant do it financally and that u wont be mad.
thats way ur still nice and diplomatic.. yet u take the pressure off of them and they dont feel forced to be in ur bp.
I pretty much did this too with a few, I think it should help you a lot, Joanna!
Do they realize they are in the BP or are you assuming that they assume they are in the BP?? Maybe it needs to be more clear???
Jna2010
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im having dinner with 1 this friday so maybe ill give her her bm card and then casually mention it, ..........and if she says no ill ask her how shes paying for dinner lollllll jk
drivwal
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I agree with LSorrent. My sister had a bridesmaid who was totally indifferent to weddings and planning and it was my sisters college friend that she lived with and stayed friends with. After countless drama, she ended up having to ask her friend if she was able to stay in the wedding party and the girl replied...'no its too expensive'. I wouldn't really want to be bothered with all that drama while you are planning a wedding. I would just choose who you think will be able to handle the responsibilities and who will be the most excited planning with you!
emc282rjm
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Posted by Lsorrent
I kind of had a similar issue with one of my old college roommates. She very rarely asks about the wedding, and I haven't seen her in over a year (she lives in CT). She was invited to my e-party and didn't come - said she was going away that weekend, and we keep saying we need to get together again soon, but it just isn't happening.
I've finally come to the conclusion that I just don't think she's reliable enough and while I'll still invite her to the shower, b-party, and wedding, I'm not going to ask her to be a BM.
I think you really need to go with your gut on this one. If you feel they might flake on you, as much as it s*cks, I wouldn't ask them to be a BM. This is NOT the time you want to be dealing with crap like that.
I was in a similar situation as well. Like Lauren, I decided not to ask the girl in question.
If these girls are really important to you, then I would do as Barb suggested--bring it up in a way that they feel totally not threatened. A lot of my friends are sort of checked out right now too. I think it's
a) because we're young (I'm only 24 and most of my girls are 23 or 24) and they don't really know what goes into a wedding. I just booked my photog and my girls were like great, so you have RH, dj and photog---you're basically done. We know how ridiculous that idea is lol.
b) because you still have a long time till the wedding. They might get a lot more excited (and practical) about it as it gets closer.
I think ultimately you should go with your heart--if you really believe that these girls are important to you, then ask them!
Jna2010
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Posted by StaceYums81
Do they realize they are in the BP or are you assuming that they assume they are in the BP?? Maybe it needs to be more clear???
no they do, we talk about bm dresses and what they prefer etc. ya know
Kiki1103
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This is a tough one. Its good you haven't asked them officially yet. A friend of mine was actually asked first if she wanted to take on the financial responsibility to be in the bridal party, the bride had picked out dresses that were crazy expensive My friend actually really appreciated the gesture. It showed that while she wanted her to be part of her day as part of the bridal party, she was being considerate in asking first if it was a financial commitment they were ready to make. I think its a good way to see if they will commit the time later on. Also maybe once you ask them officially they will be more interested in your wedding plans since they will feel more included.
Jenna_and_John
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Posted by Jna2010
im having dinner with 1 this friday so maybe ill give her her bm card and then casually mention it, ..........and if she says no ill ask her how shes paying for dinner lollllll jk
lololol
RitasEngaged
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Posted by grkbarbie
its tough. maybe give them their cards individually. and then in ims u can be like.. i know its a lot of pressure etc etc andbring up expenses.. and say that u completelyunderstand if u cant do it financally and that u wont be mad.
thats way ur still nice and diplomatic.. yet u take the pressure off of them and they dont feel forced to be in ur bp.
