...My cousin F told me on Christmas that she wasn't going to be able to be in my wedding party due to financial reasons (she has 2 kids and is married) and I think is also having marital difficulties...So I was very very upset because I was in her wedding when I was in college and had no money...I really wanted to be in the her wedding and my mother footed the bill even though she was in the middle of her divorce... BUT got over it and asked another one of my cousins.
So I talked to my cousin F today and she made it sound like she might be able to be in it....BUT I thought she said no on Christmas!! And I already asked someone else...but she my cousin F doesn't know that.
What the hell do I do?? I am NOT telling my other cousin she is out...actually she is a much better choice and was beyond excited when I asked her.
I am also afraid if my cousinF now decides that she is in...will eventually drop out.
Please offer any advice...thanks girls!
Sorry so long...its a complex story
julz33
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Re: BM Problem ( little long but need HELP)
I would ask her to do something else - AND QUICK! Like say 'I know you are going through a hardhsip right now but I still want you to be a part of my day. I would love it if you would do a reading at our ceremony'
girlygrl33
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Re: BM Problem ( little long but need HELP)
Posted by julz33
I would ask her to do something else - AND QUICK! Like say 'I know you are going through a hardhsip right now but I still want you to be a part of my day. I would love it if you would do a reading at our ceremony'
that is perfect!!!!! and like julz said quick before she finds out you asked someone else before telling her shes out!!!
beautyq115
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Re: BM Problem ( little long but need HELP)
But I am sooooo pissed about the way in which she did it that I don't even want her to do a reading!!! She announced that she wasn't going to be in my wedding infront of the whole family...and then had the nerve to ask my Grandma for money to be my wedding again infront of everyone
And my mother is livid about the fact that she still is on the fence about my wedding. She wants to tell her off.
BlondeJD
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Re: BM Problem ( little long but need HELP)
I would say something like, 'I'm so happy that you want to be a part of the day but since you said 'no' back at Christmas, I had to go ahead and ask Cousin X. Since she's been so excited about being part of the day, I wouldn't feel right asking her to step down. I'd be so happy though if you could help out with ____ (handing out programs or something if you don't want her to do a reading). It would really mean so much to me to have you be a part of the wedding.' That's as diplomatic as I think you can get.
ETA: If she didn't realize she was out, just say 'I'm so sorry for the confusion but when you said that you couldn't do it for financial reasons, it sounded really definite. I wish I'd known but I really can't ask Cousin X to step down at this point, etc etc.'
marc_rai
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Re: BM Problem ( little long but need HELP)
Posted by jenniesunshine
I would say something like, 'I'm so happy that you want to be a part of the day but since you said 'no' back at Christmas, I had to go ahead and ask Cousin X. Since she's been so excited about being part of the day, I wouldn't feel right asking her to step down. I'd be so happy though if you could help out with ____ (handing out programs or something if you don't want her to do a reading). It would really mean so much to me to have you be a part of the wedding.' That's as diplomatic as I think you can get.
ETA: If she didn't realize she was out, just say 'I'm so sorry for the confusion but when you said that you couldn't do it for financial reasons, it sounded really definite. I wish I'd known but I really can't ask Cousin X to step down at this point, etc etc.'
I preferr the second option. Both of these ways are great ways to tell her.
LuckyMe
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Re: BM Problem ( little long but need HELP)
I would bring up your wedding in discussion with her and tell her how glad you are you finally have all your BM and you were wondering if she would do a reading or something for you.
beautyq115
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Re: BM Problem ( little long but need HELP)
Thanks for all of the advice...you gave me some excellent ideas!
micmar
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Re: BM Problem ( little long but need HELP)
Well she did already back out & you did what you had to do by asking someone else - so unless you want to have her in addition to your other cousin, I'd say have her do something else. Explain that while you would have loved to have had her, you already made other arrangements to fill her shoes when she declined back at the holidays. Always a tough situation, but everyone will get over it so do what you need to do, it's your big day!!
beautyq115
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Re: BM Problem ( little long but need HELP)
Yes! It is MY DAY and my FI of course!!
12-3Princess
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Re: BM Problem ( little long but need HELP)
Posted by marc_rai
Posted by jenniesunshine
I would say something like, 'I'm so happy that you want to be a part of the day but since you said 'no' back at Christmas, I had to go ahead and ask Cousin X. Since she's been so excited about being part of the day, I wouldn't feel right asking her to step down. I'd be so happy though if you could help out with ____ (handing out programs or something if you don't want her to do a reading). It would really mean so much to me to have you be a part of the wedding.' That's as diplomatic as I think you can get.
ETA: If she didn't realize she was out, just say 'I'm so sorry for the confusion but when you said that you couldn't do it for financial reasons, it sounded really definite. I wish I'd known but I really can't ask Cousin X to step down at this point, etc etc.'
I preferr the second option. Both of these ways are great ways to tell her.
