BM VENT

Ok I'm pretty mad and just need to let it out soooo I figured you girls would understand better than anyone else. One of my BMs (who hasn;t been around to do anything with me since I started wedding planning) just decided to go to Europe this summer which is awesome sooo exciting BUT she won't be back until the week before my wedding. So I told her I was upset because she will miss my bachelorette party and won't be around for me to help or be a support for me the month leading up to the wedding and she doesn't say ohh sorry or anything she says, 'I don't know what to say but I have put a lot into your wedding and spent a lot of money on it and haven;t complained' OK so I said you haven;t been around for anything and not to be rude but all you paid for was your dress which you knew you would be doing when you agreed to be in my BP and you agreed that the price was ok when the dress was chosen. I'm so mad. I have been feeling like she didn't care all along and now to not even care that she will miss my pre-wedding stuff hurts me.

Sorry so long...

If I'm wrong someone please tell me because I don't want to over react and be all bridezilla about it but I had to say something and she really irked me.

Honestly, I know you are upset and I'm sure that I would also be a little peeved, but I mean your BM's have their own lives and going to Europe is probably a HUGE thing for her so you can't really be upset with her and you can't dictate what she CAN or CANNOT do--ya know?

I don't think you should take it personally. I think it's good that you told her how you felt though and let it off your chest but just carry on now and have a great time without her (which I am SURE youwill!)

And anyway, her day will come one day and then you can just not go to HER bachelorette

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Posted by Aristotelina

Honestly, I know you are upset and I'm sure that I would also be a little peeved, but I mean your BM's have their own lives and going to Europe is probably a HUGE thing for her so you can't really be upset with her and you can't dictate what she CAN or CANNOT do--ya know?

I don't think you should take it personally. I think it's good that you told her how you felt though and let it off your chest but just carry on now and have a great time without her (which I am SURE youwill!)

And anyway, her day will come one day and then you can just not go to HER bachelorette

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You're right and honestly its not even about her not being there, its more about her not caring that she won't be there like not saying anything about it at all. I just feel like she hasn't cared all along and it ***** because I asked her to be a BM bc I wanted her to share in my day and I feel like a jerk.

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Posted by coldasice217

You're not wrong at all, and I'm so sorry! I'm having a difficult time with one of my BMs right now too, so I completely understand. I feel the same thing will happen to me. Has she been like that prior to being in the wedding party? Sometimes true personalities come out in situations like this. I'm sorry you're going through this.

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She was always a little flakey but sooo much worse since being in the wedding party. I don't wanna be over the top about it I just feel like no one cares sometimes :/

I must say i totally understand where your coming from!!!!!! one of my BM's also left for Israel after saying shed be in my bridal party for the whole year. She also wouldnt be back til the first of July, my wedding is the 4th!!!! Imagine my dismay when she told me this. She calls me all the time and we discuss ideas and stuff. ITs tough, but i dealt with it. It really is a pain in the a**, i know. Keep ur head up, if u need any help we are all here for u!

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You're right and honestly its not even about her not being there, its more about her not caring that she won't be there like not saying anything about it at all. I just feel like she hasn't cared all along and it ***** because I asked her to be a BM bc I wanted her to share in my day and I feel like a jerk.

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I TOTALLY hear that!!!!!!!!!!! That has been my biggest issue with some of my BM's--feeling like they just don't give a cr*p and then I feel like I am making a big deal out of nothing and being a 'bridezilla'

Anyway, don't feel like a jerk AT ALL--like I said--her day will come and she will realize that she was hurtful toward you.

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Posted by elysemichelle

I must say i totally understand where your coming from!!!!!! one of my BM's also left for Israel after saying shed be in my bridal party for the whole year. She also wouldnt be back til the first of July, my wedding is the 4th!!!! Imagine my dismay when she told me this. She calls me all the time and we discuss ideas and stuff. ITs tough, but i dealt with it. It really is a pain in the a**, i know. Keep ur head up, if u need any help we are all here for u!

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I'm sorry to hear that and I'm glad you're ok now!! At least she calls with ideas...I'm on my own pretty much thats why I am SOOO grateful for this website and all of you

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Posted by Aristotelina

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You're right and honestly its not even about her not being there, its more about her not caring that she won't be there like not saying anything about it at all. I just feel like she hasn't cared all along and it ***** because I asked her to be a BM bc I wanted her to share in my day and I feel like a jerk.

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I TOTALLY hear that!!!!!!!!!!! That has been my biggest issue with some of my BM's--feeling like they just don't give a cr*p and then I feel like I am making a big deal out of nothing and being a 'bridezilla'

Anyway, don't feel like a jerk AT ALL--like I said--her day will come and she will realize that she was hurtful toward you.

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Thanks so much!! And P.S. I saw your post earlier and I just want to say, I'm sure we all have/will have our nervous crazy times but you are going to be a gorgeous bride and everything is going to turn out wonderful! I have seen your albums and everything you have so far is fab!! Your wedding will be great and the stress/nervousness/worrying will disappear when you walk down the aisle and realize that you are marrying the man you love

I would definitely be disappointed, but just like another poster said...you have to let people live their lives. One of my brother's groomsmen got the opportunity of a lifetime to go to Europe for 2 years for his job. He couldn't go to the bachelor party, but he did make the trip back home for the wedding like he promised.
If you think that you need ALL of your bridesmaids for help with wedding planning and that her absence will be a huge inconvenience to you...then I would consider choosing someone else. But I honestly think that you can get things done without her presence.
I know it's easier said than done, but be happy for her. She is probably cutting her trip short (or working her trip around you) just for your wedding. You will see, if you are happy for her...she will be happy for you on your BIG DAY!

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Thanks so much!! And P.S. I saw your post earlier and I just want to say, I'm sure we all have/will have our nervous crazy times but you are going to be a gorgeous bride and everything is going to turn out wonderful! I have seen your albums and everything you have so far is fab!! Your wedding will be great and the stress/nervousness/worrying will disappear when you walk down the aisle and realize that you are marrying the man you love

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Awww thank you soooooo much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And your day will also be BEAUTIFUL and any issues that you might have had will just melt away!!!!

xoxo

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Posted by LizLos126

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Posted by Aristotelina

Honestly, I know you are upset and I'm sure that I would also be a little peeved, but I mean your BM's have their own lives and going to Europe is probably a HUGE thing for her so you can't really be upset with her and you can't dictate what she CAN or CANNOT do--ya know?

I don't think you should take it personally. I think it's good that you told her how you felt though and let it off your chest but just carry on now and have a great time without her (which I am SURE youwill!)

And anyway, her day will come one day and then you can just not go to HER bachelorette

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You're right and honestly its not even about her not being there, its more about her not caring that she won't be there like not saying anything about it at all. I just feel like she hasn't cared all along and it ***** because I asked her to be a BM bc I wanted her to share in my day and I feel like a jerk.

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I completely agree with you on this! I don't think it is fair to be upset at your bm for going to Europe because as the other girls said it i probably a HUGE deal in her life but the fact that she doesn't seem to care would upset me. I know if i was a BM in someone's wedding and got the chance to go to Europe I would probably still go (depending on who it is) but I would feel really really bad I was going to miss things! I would also be sure to share this with the bride to be and I would never EVER throw the fact that I 'spent a lot of money' back in her face! IMO people should know what they are getting into when they agree to be in a wedding and if you feel so strongly about spending the money then you shouldn't agree to be in the bp but that is a different topic all together!

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Posted by NikkiR515

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Posted by LizLos126

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Posted by Aristotelina

Honestly, I know you are upset and I'm sure that I would also be a little peeved, but I mean your BM's have their own lives and going to Europe is probably a HUGE thing for her so you can't really be upset with her and you can't dictate what she CAN or CANNOT do--ya know?

I don't think you should take it personally. I think it's good that you told her how you felt though and let it off your chest but just carry on now and have a great time without her (which I am SURE youwill!)

And anyway, her day will come one day and then you can just not go to HER bachelorette

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You're right and honestly its not even about her not being there, its more about her not caring that she won't be there like not saying anything about it at all. I just feel like she hasn't cared all along and it ***** because I asked her to be a BM bc I wanted her to share in my day and I feel like a jerk.

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I completely agree with you on this! I don't think it is fair to be upset at your bm for going to Europe because as the other girls said it i probably a HUGE deal in her life but the fact that she doesn't seem to care would upset me. I know if i was a BM in someone's wedding and got the chance to go to Europe I would probably still go (depending on who it is) but I would feel really really bad I was going to miss things! I would also be sure to share this with the bride to be and I would never EVER throw the fact that I 'spent a lot of money' back in her face! IMO people should know what they are getting into when they agree to be in a wedding and if you feel so strongly about spending the money then you shouldn't agree to be in the bp but that is a different topic all together!

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Yeahhh that really threw me for a loop...I felt like she said it to make me feel bad and take the focus off me being upset with her about not caring. And I reallllllly know she doesn't care bc she didn't even tell me she was going...I found out through Facebook...I can;t deal sometimes. Thanks for being so understanding!!

I can understand why your upset but she is probably totally excited and I don't blame her.

I think that as long as she is back on time I wouldbn't worry about it.