I'm having a little dilema...Anyone else feel obligated to put a girl in the bridal party just because she is dating FH's brother ?(he is also the best man). The girl is ok. For two years I occasionally asked her to hang out (go out to lunch...go shopping. etc.) because I'm friendly by nature and I thought it was a good idea. But....here's the problem....since I started dating FH (2 1/2 years ago) she has been talking about getting married....she has had her bridesmaids dresses picked out, her hall, the date (which keeps getting pushed back) and her wedding dress...I find this a little odd..even a lil' crazy ...JMO. So, when FH proposed and we were engaged....i found out she started to cry and she fought with her boyfriend (my FH's brother). We talk and get along when we see eachother, but i don't feel it's genuine..i feel she's kinda phony. So...if i don't put her in the BP i'm afraid that FH's brother might get angry and it might start drama. What do you girls think?? Sorry so long but I summed it up as best I could....
GinaBambina08
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Re: bridal party drama....
This really doesn't matter, but out of curiousity, was she dating your FH's brother before you and FH started dating?
If I were you, me and FH would talk to FH's brother to see how he feels about it, and i'd probably add her if he's alright with it...it's not like you have to be bff's with her if you add her to the party...but ultimately it's up to you and what you're comfortable with...
kimiequa
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Re: bridal party drama....
so are they engaged?? it does seem strange that she has all of the planning done already...
i've heard of a girl who invited her brother's gf to be in the wedding party and then they broke up. it's just me, but besides my friends and fam,i would only put FH's family in my wedding party! if it were me, i'd leave her out... you aren't even that close anyway
just remember that it's your day, and you shouldn't be forced to do anything you don't want to do.
tammi2308
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Re: bridal party drama....
Yeah that's the same idea i'm having..to have a talk with FH's brother about it. Yes, she was dating him for a year before I met FH. You're right, I don't have to be bff with her. I just feel like she's gonna be pouting on the day of our wedding and not be happy for us at all...oh well
tammi2308
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Re: bridal party drama....
Yeah I've heard of bride's putting gilfriends in the BP and then they break up. But it seems that they are going to get married because she was just telling me the other day that they talk about marraige and they set a tentative wedding date for 2010....but no they are not engaged.
GinaBambina08
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Re: bridal party drama....
Posted by tammi2308
Yeah that's the same idea i'm having..to have a talk with FH's brother about it. Yes, she was dating him for a year before I met FH. You're right, I don't have to be bff with her. I just feel like she's gonna be pouting on the day of our wedding and not be happy for us at all...oh well
Oh I understand...You're right..she'll probably be crying more than you But honestly, she'll be like that regardless....she'll probably feel even worse if she's just a guest and her boyfriend is in the party, and she'll be seperated from him during the ceremony...but then again, you shouldn't be forced into do doing something you're not comfortable with, so ultimately, you have to do what's right for you! Don't compromise your feelings on your day to make someone else happy...but if it won't bother you too much to include her in the party, I'd say do it
bluegreen08
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Re: bridal party drama....
I was afraid I would feel pressured to ask FBIL's girlfriend (they were together 2 years, lived together, etc) but we were never close and never hung out unless FH and FBIL were there.
Luckily FH said he didn't expect me to ask her and didn't really think I should. I am very very glad I didn't because they broke up 2 months ago in a storm of drama, and she is an absolute psycho.
I don't think you need to ask her unless you want to. If they were married I still don't think you are obligated to invite her, but it would be nice. In this case, I think it's your call.
FuTuRe MrS MaZz
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Re: bridal party drama....
You absolutely do not have to put her in it... BM's are suppossed to be your closest fam n friends... dont let that etiquette crapp get to u!
jgl
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Re: bridal party drama....
i dont think you should feel obligated make her a BP member. She is not your friend, she is not your FHs wife or even fiance. You put in people who are close to you. Frankly i'd be affraid to have her in what if they break up? you will have this girl forever in your pictures and wont be able to display them because they are no longer together.
i say DONT DO IT and save yourself aggrivation
my brother has been dating the same girl for 3 years, they may get married, they have spoken about it - but im not going to have her in my BP just because she is dating my brother (who is a BP member)
tammi2308
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Re: bridal party drama....
Yeah, you are all giving good advice. I know it's up to me. FH told me he he does not think we should put her in the BP. His opinion is that she is not happy for us and there are women in my life that are closer to me than his brother's gf. Which is true. So, that makes me feel a lil' better. Thanks for all your advice. We'll see how the convo goes with FBIL.
Aristotelina
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Re: bridal party drama....
DON'T DO IT!!!
Just put the people that you want to in it!!!
longislandlibrarian
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Re: bridal party drama....
I definitely AGREE!!! don't feel like you have to put her in!!!!!!! It should be who you REALLY WANT!
tammi2308
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You girls are the best!!...making me feel better and better Thanks for the words of wisdom and understanding..lol
beram63
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Re: bridal party drama....
i get why some people feel obligated to put FSILs in the BP, but extending this to the FH's brother's girlfriend seems extreme.
me? i would only ask the girl of it was out of genuine friendship, not family obligation, especially since she sounds like kind of a drama queen based on her reaction to your engagement.
Marissa09Bride
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Re: bridal party drama....
You have no obligation to have her in your BP. I didn't ask FH's SIL since she's an unpleasant person and no one put up a fuss.
MaggieLuvsJoe
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Re: bridal party drama....
If I were you I would not feel obligated to put her in, we're actually having FH's brother as our best man and his wife isn't one of my BMs and she didn't even make a fuss about it. You should include YOUR friends/family, she isn't even part of his family (yet lol) so I wouldn't worry too much about it.
KristiAnn923
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Re: bridal party drama....
Personally I would not have her in the bridal party if you don't really want her. Perhaps you can have her do a reading or something else to make her a part of it. You should really only have the people in your bridal party that you really want in it.
Ann 52409
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Re: bridal party drama....
I really dont think that you have to put her in, are you going to put the significant other of all the other guys in.. NO!!! My only thing is maybe she wasn't crying because she was not happy for you but maybe she was crying because she wants what you have and she is upset with her boyfriend for pushing it back. She might be happy for you but also wish she was planning her own wedding also.
JackieV
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Re: bridal party drama....
i'm not putting FH brother's FIANCE in our bridal party(and he is also the best man). She was in it but we had alot of issue bc of her being fake and lieing. Eveything is 'ok' now but i'm still not over it. so no u dont have to... and if he says anything to u, say u wanted to keep it small with people close to you.
JnA823
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Re: bridal party drama....
I wasn't going to put my brother's girlfriend in the bridal party but I don't want hard feelings. My brother has been with her for 6 yrs so i've known her a long time but she's not always the friendliest person. I would say to talk to FH's brother. If you have other friends that maybe you would like to include instead then they should both understand that.
