My friend is getting married soon and her shower is coming up. I am in the bridal party. Her moh (sister) Has taken over everything with the shower along with her mother. They say the bridal party pays for the shower. My mother plans to do mine and not ask for a dime. I don't mind paying for the shower but I have not been able to do anything for it. The moh and mom picked the hall, centerpieces, menu etc. everything. I don't feel I should have to pay since I have not been allowed to do anything. I feel like I am just a paying guest. Her mother is not paying anything and getting all the say. It ****s. BTW the total each person in the bridal party has to pay is $500. What to do...
butterfly20
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Re: Bridal Shower ?
typically the MOH pays by herself. sometimes the Bridal party will all chip in, but they all decide on the place, time, food together. When I get married my MOH(sister) will be paying for it, but none of the bridal party will be contributing.Remember the bridal party already has to buy their dress, and get her a shower gift. Tell her its the MOH duty to pay and that your getting her a big shower gift instead.
Boop2704
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Re: Bridal Shower ?
thanks butterfly... i forgot to mention, besides the 500 for the shower I spent $300 more on the gift.
the MOB is not supposed to be involved...nor are any direct family members...its seen as asking for gifts...but that tradition has gone out the window...
my mom took care of most of my sister's shower and my shower's expenses...and my bridal party didn't pay...
its a weird situation...although you should have say...I would just go along with them...unless you know they are doing something that would upset your friend...
edited to say: mom's get really excited when their daughters get married...and now adays they don't get much say in the wedding...so maybe this is where the MOB can control a few things...although she should know better and chip in...
MayDay16
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I have been in 8 weddings. For each one I have contributed for both the gift and the shower. Each price was different from $75 to $300. Never did I question the amount.
For my shower, my sisters asked each girl for $250, this covered paying for the gift (they bought me luggage) and some money for the shower. Boy did she hear it. One of my BM told her 'Why aren't you and your mom paying for it?' She does collection for a living and said it was like pulling teeth to get the money.
In today's day and age, anything goes and it depends on the financial situation of the family.
Boop2704
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Thanks everyone. It is not that I am questioning the amount I have to pay at all. I don't care about that. What really upsets me is how I have not been involved in anything. This is my best friend and I feel like I should do something. I feel that if the bridal party is paying we should be involved in all the planning. Instead we have all been excluded. It it kind of hurtful.
butterfly20
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You should also talk to the rest of the bridal party if you know any of them. That seems like alot of money, and that isnt even the reception gift.
jennbaby
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My mom, fmil, dad, stepmom & bridal party all paid! I had a very expensive shower
dcbride
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The bridal party is supposed to pay. But I think if the mom and the sister planned the whole thing they should be paying the majority because they didn't take into consideration anyone elses budget etc. I know there is no way I could afford $500. My sister works at a restaurant where they do a lot of showers and she said that a lot of times each bm puts in 100-150 and the mob pays the rest.
wacky
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My mom paid for my whole shower. The Bp and MOh inisisted they do the little things, like prizes for the games and the umbrella and wishing well.
Personally I think its a lot to ask of the BP, my mom threw and paid for the shower but gave all the girls the credit
Betty
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Funny, I was just talking to my sister (MOH) about this yesterday. I think the BP SHOULD chip in. I've been in a few and have contributed EVERY time. I would expect to when being asked to be in a BP. I told my sister to make sure she DOES ask them to chip in. BUT, I do AGREE that you should have some say, it should be a group effort. JMO
Boop2704
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Thank you all for your opinions. It was very helpful hearing what others thought. Thanks again.
shelzyp
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FOr my friends Bridal Shower, her mom paid for and cooked all the food, since we had it at a house, and we payed for everything else, decorations, favors, plates etc.
shelzyp
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I think that asking someone to pay $500 for something they had no say in is ridicioulous, we all spoke about what we can afford, and the bride didn't want a shower at a restaurant, so we did what we could afford, and spent what was within everyone elses budget.
Boop2704
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That is what should have been done. However, we never had a chance to do it, her sister(moh) called me one day and said this is where it is, i'll call you back with prices and # of people. We had no say in any of it. However, I did tell her sister the other day that I really felt left out. Finally I got something to do for my friends shower.
karen32
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i find it a little rude that the bride's family planned it and are now expecting the BP to chip in $500 each that seems a bit excessive (especially since you guys had no say)! i'm not sure how you should handle it. can you talk to your friend somehow - mention that you are hurt by being excluded and the $$ doesn't bother you as much as being excluded.
i know for my shower, my mom is paying and my BP is chipping in for a gift. my mom doesn't want the BP to spend too much $$ as two are house-hunting, one is prego, etc.
Sage10.03
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I have my best friends shower this weekend (I am her MOH) and her Godmother and Matron of Honor insisted on throwing her shower and paying for it all. So I have taken care of all of the prizes for the games, some decorations, an expensie gift and some gag gifts too....
I wouldn't have minded paying, but would have expected if I did to be a part of it at least, not to mention that $500 seems like a H E L L of alot of money to ask the bridesmaids to pay IMO!!!!
Boop2704
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That is the one thing I got to do for the shower. Her sister emailed me the other day and said one of the games I chose would be fun and asked if I could get the supplies for the game and the prizes to hand out. In addition to everything else. I just have to keep my mouth shut and go with the flow, bcause I know my shower will be coming soon and my friend is my MOH. I told my mom she had better make my friend pay for something after what I am paying for her shower.
Scoop
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I'm not sure who is supposed to throw the shower party but my mom & sister threw mine.
I agree with you though that if you are paying for it, you should have some say in it. Maybe you can speak with the sister and share your thoughts with her.
SeptemberBride03
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I think $500 is excessive! I would question that amt! How many bm are there? If they were going to do something so extravagant - they should have allowed you to help and first discussed the $ amt! From my personal experience, I've seen the mothers help out and the BM chip in for the invitations, favors, gift, prizes, games, etc.
