who generally flits the bill? is it a shared cost btw bridesmaids? is it soley on the MOH? is it expected that the brides mother will contribute?
as a MOH, can i expect that all the other bridesmaids, who are grown (some married with children) women, will be aware that they need to contribute to this party?
Royalgem21
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Re: Bridal Shower ?
These days, nothing like that is 'expected'. I do believe it is up to the Maid of Honor to organize it and ask the bridesmaids to pitch in. However, if the MOH doesn't... then I believe another Bridesmaid should step up and take the reigns.
Sometimes parents aren't able to contribute so I think it's tricky. I would let the parent offer instead of asking them for $. Maybe involving them in the planning will help to spark an offer.
sportif7
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but so as MOH, the entire party shouldn't lay solely on her shoulders correct, expecially when it comes down to paying for it??
Royalgem21
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Absolutely not. Everyone should pitch in and usually the MOH is the 'planner'.
MsRtoMrsK
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My mom paid for the whole thing and only asked my BM's for help in setting up, putting together the favors, and helping with stuff that day.
sportif7
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Posted by MsRtoMrsK
My mom paid for the whole thing and only asked my BM's for help in setting up, putting together the favors, and helping with stuff that day.
right...and in my experiences it's been that way as well...however my best friend bride tonight told me that her mother won't be involved and it will be on me...and sort of made me feel like totally on me...so i feel funny if i should ask the bridal party or not to contribute...
sportif7
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Re: Bridal Shower ?
Posted by Royalgem21
Absolutely not. Everyone should pitch in and usually the MOH is the 'planner'.
right planning is cool...i can do that....i don't think i could flit the whole bill though
CaughtMyFish
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it just depends on the situation I think. My MOH lives in FL, and cant truly coordinate/find a location. My Mother contributed to the wedding and refuses to give any money to fund the shower. In the end, my MOH/BM's and yours truly will foot the bill. It is what it is!
KL824
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I think it really all does depend on the situation. My mom really wants to throw me the shower, so she will plan and do invites etc, but the BM's will probably help out with any little things she needs.
mara1017
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There is really no rules with this.
I have been in a few wedding parties and each one was different.
- one the mother paid for everything -one the mother paid for the food and everything else the bridesmaids and MOH split -one the MOH and bridesmaids split everythign!
amandasmom
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Re: Bridal Shower ?
I agree that today, anything goes. In ancient days, when I got married, it was considered inappropriate for the bride's mom to throw a shower and my mother in law had it at her house.
By the way, do not be afraid to include the mother of the groom in the planning, it may spark the bride's mom to help too. Just because the bride's mom told her one thing, doesn't mean you can't ask her for help. She may be thinking of an elaborate shower at an expensive venue. Perhaps one of the moms can host it at her house if she is local.
Absolutely, all the bridesmaids should be asked to pitch in, but they should also be asked their opinion on the cost of the shower and where it will be. I went to a lovely BBQ/shower that all the bridesmaids threw in the MOH backyard.
The important thing is to shower the bride with love!
sportif7
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Re: Bridal Shower ?
so my situation is that i am the MOH and i had asked her mom in private one day what her thoughts were and she was like well how does it work, what do people usually do, because she was clueless...so i said well in my family the brides mothers threw it and all the bridesmaids helped putting it together with games and so forth....except it got back to the bride from the mother when she tried to ask where she's like to have it, and the bride got upset with me for indicating to her mom that she should look into planning things...she told me it was MY responsibility and never mentioned anything about asking the rest of the bridal party...so thats why i asked is it my sole responsibility to plan and pay for the whole thing, because i don't have that kind of money with my own wedding, need for a new car and trying to house hunt all 10 months into officially working my job after graduate school....i REALLY don't want to upset her by asking the bridal party if she has it set in her head it's totally up to me....thoughts?
IrishAli
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It really depends
My mom and sister (MOH) hosted and paid
IrishAli
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Posted by sportif7
so my situation is that i am the MOH and i had asked her mom in private one day what her thoughts were and she was like well how does it work, what do people usually do, because she was clueless...so i said well in my family the brides mothers threw it and all the bridesmaids helped putting it together with games and so forth....except it got back to the bride from the mother when she tried to ask where she's like to have it, and the bride got upset with me for indicating to her mom that she should look into planning things...she told me it was MY responsibility and never mentioned anything about asking the rest of the bridal party...so thats why i asked is it my sole responsibility to plan and pay for the whole thing, because i don't have that kind of money with my own wedding, need for a new car and trying to house hunt all 10 months into officially working my job after graduate school....i REALLY don't want to upset her by asking the bridal party if she has it set in her head it's totally up to me....thoughts?
If her mom wants to be involved, I don't see why you, her mom, and the bridesmaids can't all chip in. It's absurd that she is expecting you to do it all
sportif7
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ok...so it's not just me then....i mean i'm totally ok with chipping in regardless of what MY family has done in the past...i just didn't think it would lay ALL on me and that was the impression i got from her...
Linds78
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Re: Bridal Shower ?
When I was MOH for a wedding, the bride's mom covered the bill for the place, all the food, gifts, and prizes. We (me and the BMs) were responsible for the decorations, running the games, and incidentals (ie/guest plate, scrapbook--we each made a page for her). Because of this, I know that my mom will be doing things very similarly. Although I don't know where and when the shower will be, my mom made it clear to me that she is paying for the place and the meal. I think your best bet is to have an upfront conversation with the MOB and even the bride so that there isn't mixed signals.
Jill52787
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My mom is paying for it, asking my BMs to do games, and help the day of.
christinajimmy06
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With the weddings I've been in before it really depended.
For one wedding, I was the matron of honor and the MOH and I paid for the location/food/decorations. Her other bridesmaids were all too young to contribute.
For the second wedding, I wasn't asked to pay for anything and just bought them a gift.
For the third wedding, I was a bridesmaid and we helped out paying for the food/and a joint gift.
I don't expect my MOH and bridesmaids to be able to pay for it all, so FH and I are in the mindset that we will be contributing. My mom isn't in the best financial situation and probably won't be able to contribute.
She would like to be the one to host it, but I don't think that's going to happen.
sportif7
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Re: Bridal Shower ?
god its such a tough situation because i want to do right by all means, but financially i'm not sure i can afford what i think she expects...and i don't think it should be all the MOH's expense
IrishAli
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I would ask her mom if she wants to be involved. That way you open the door for options. I think it is absurd that a MOH should foot the entire bill. The bridesmaids, MOH, and mom should all pitch in
